Last goodbye.

We had to run by the car grave yard today to grab two cables that go to the head unit (iPod and USB cable) so that we can sell it. I really didn’t think I’d get to see it again. It didn’t effect me QUITE as bad as last time. I think the wheels help. It’s just not the same without my wheels on it.

Last goodbye.

Tomorrow it’s officially GONE. Going up for auction. For the first week after the wreck, every time I saw an M3 I felt like I had just been punched in the face and had to fight back tears. That car just FIT ME. It felt like a second home. I know this sounds extraordinarily pretentious and stupid but until you’ve owned a BMW I just don’t think people get it. I literally felt like I was part of that car when I was driving it. We were one. With the suspension so stiff you could feel every groove and bump in the road, the intake making it so easy to hear the throttle response and the exhaust amplifying the motor noise, it was hard NOT to be one with the car.

Slalom Cone 1

But now I’m okay. Today on the way home I saw an kid in a red E36 M3 spot a bit of open road and mash the throttle just enough to hear all those sounds, and feel that feeling and I just grinned a knowing grin and giggled to myself.


That car will always be my favorite. I really think that. No matter how many cars I own in my life, that car was my first REAL love affair with a vehicle. And I know in my heart that I’ll own another M3 someday and I’ll love it and drive the hell out of it… but a little piece if my heart will always belong to ANNAS M. And just in case it ever starts to forget, I stole the front plate as a reminder.

I stole my license plate today.

Friday Five: “Second star to the right, and straight on ’till morning.”

I kinda miss doing the Friday Five so I think I’ll start again. As usual it’s three days late and not the one actually from this week but I’ve never been one to comply CORRECTLY. HA!

1) What time do you usually wake up on weekdays?
Every day is pretty much the same except that some days the snooze button gets the best of me but this morning was a typical morning and looked like this:

4:15AM – Alarm goes off.
4:23AM – Turn off alarm before it goes off again.
4:30AM – Get out of bed
4:50AM – Get out of shower.
5:00/5:10AM – Leave house.
5:50/6:00AM – Get to work
9:00AM – Officially wake up for the day.

2) What about weekends?
Ben and I rotate having to get up with the dogs. If it’s my turn, they’ll let us sleep till about 9:00AM MOST DAYS before totally dying of hunger and driving us insane. This weekend they were feeling particularly feisty and had me up by 7:00AM both days. If Ben gets up with them, I’ve been known to sleep till 11:00AM at which point Cassidy starts making noise outside my room till I get up.

3) What do you eat for breakfast?
SHAKEOLOGY! When I have it. I’m ordering more Chocolate today with my credit I got from sending my Greenberry back. I would go into the entire OMG SHAKEOLOGY RULEZ speech here but you can just read all about it on my health blog. But seriously, OMG SHAKEOLOGY RULEZ! My recipe is this:

1 cup plain light Silk Soy Milk
1 scoop Chocolate Shakeology
1 TBSP natural peanut butter
7 cubes of ice

I drink it on the way to work then wash out my cup when I get there. SOMETIMES I’ll wait till I get to work to drink it but I usually can’t wait that long because it’s too good to wait.

On days I don’t have the shake, I’ll grab a banana on the way out the door, or bring some bread with me to toast and I keep peanut butter and sugar free jam here at work.

4) Do you take a shower at night or in the morning?
At night when I exercise then again in the morning depending on how insane my hair looks when I get up. I’m bad about falling asleep with a towel still in my hair and then the next day it’s LIKE WHOAH!

5) How long does it take you to get ready?
See #1. I get out of the shower then leave the house 10 minutes later. When I get to work I’ll put on minimal makeup, usually it’s MAC Studio Fix powder for foundation, NARS blush in Orgasm and then whatever mascara I love at the time. It takes about 2-3 minutes tops. Also, I use the heater in the car to dry my hair in the winter, then roll the windows down in the summer. I know that sounds crazy but if I did all that at home, makeup and blowdry would add another 30-45 minutes to my morning and I already get up early enough. Stupid thick hair…

If I’m getting ready go out and actually look nice (full makeup and making my hair look nice), it’s about a hour from getting out of the shower to out the door.

In the meantime.

It’s been a hell of a month.

I was in an accident. My car was totaled. I’m sad about it but Ben and I had already been throwing around the idea of a more fuel efficient car since I drive 100 miles round trip to get to work every day. We are trying to take the payout for the car, then money we can make selling some of the aftermarkets parts off if it to pay for a used Prius or comparable car.

Ben had surgery on his spine to fix a protrusion the size of a silver dollar. The good news is that the numbness and constant severe pain he was feeling in his leg has gone, the bad news is that recovery from the surgery was not nearly as easy as they made it sound! He’s about a week and a half out from surgery and is slowly getting better every day. He’s even been able to spend a little bit of time at the dog park the last few days.

Oh, and also, we are like totally broke. Well, that’s not completel true but for the first time in a long, long, long time I am REALLY worried about money. And it sucks. I look at everything around the house and wonder what I could sell it for. And the stress is finally starting to break me down. I’m so much more lucky than a lot of people in that Ben and I have a support system, like my amazing Dad and step-mom, but we both REALLY want to NOT have to ask for help. I mean, if it comes to that we are both willing to do it, it’s not so much a pride thing, it’s more of… we REALLY just want to be able to do this. To prove to OURSELVES that we are fighters and willing to do whatever it takes to fix things.

So, I dunno, that’s where I am right now. I know there are a lot of people out there worse of than we are so I feel like an ass complaining about stuff like this but… this is where I am. I don’t know what the future holds for us right now but I know that we are going to face it together and fight it as a team. I’ve heard that money problems like this often are hard on relationships but it’s been the opposite for us. We’ve both realized that no matter how broke we are, a hug, or one of us grabbing the other’s hand while watching the dogs play somehow feels more powerful. We are one and we are going to do this together and this hug, it’s free, and it feels good.

Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.

So, I’ve needed new jeans for about a month and a half. I’ve been rotating between THREE PAIR and trying to dress them up in different ways to not make it looks like I only had THREE PAIR and I was quickly beginning to think that the people at work assume I live out of the trunk of my car. Or a cardboard box. Either way.

The problem is that, we really don’t have the money for me to go and buy new jeans right now, especially since (HOPEFULLY) in another two months when I’m done with P90X, I’ll need MORE jeans. Then today I remembered a friend mentioning The Goodwill the other day and was like DUH! I’ve gotten jeans there before because, HELLO CHEAP! I totally rock The Goodwill jeans.

ANYWAY! I’ve been telling myself for at least a week now that I have a LOT OF JEANS, I just need to go through and try them on and for sure before I go and BUY anymore. But… there was a big part of me that KNEW I’d be disappointed at all the pairs I couldn’t fit into yet so I’ve been making excuses EVERY DAY.

Then today, when I got out of a bath after a pretty intense Plymometrics workout, I looked over at my THREE PAIR of jeans laying on the floor and went to pick them up to put them in the wash and was like FUCK THIS, I’M TIRED OF THESE JEANS. So I started pulling out pairs of jeans and tried EVERY SINGLE PAIR ON. Here is how it went.

26 pair.

8 pair – still too small
6 pair – FIT! But have holes or are inappropriate for work, but will make GREAT weekend/yard working jeans
3 pair – entirely too big



So when Ben called to me for some reason I came bounding out of the room:

Ben: Yes, I am listening to you.
Me: So, I was totally going to go shopping for new jeans but told myself I HAD to try all my jeans on BEFORE I went so I did and GUESS WHAT?!
Ben: You have jeans that fit?
Ben: You have 26 PAIRS OF JEANS?!
Me: Shit.
Me: I’ll be down to watch Lost in a second! I LOVE YOU OKAY BYE!

Cardinal Rule of Wifehood: Never admit to the number of shoes, purses, eye shadows or jeans you own. The poor men just can’t handle it.

Seriously though, after he got past the initial shock, he congratulated me and told me how proud he was and really, I am so proud of MYSELF. Even though I’ve been doing P90X for two 15 days now, until today I hadn’t lost any weight. I know I’ve gained muscle because I can see it, so I know I’ve lost fat because I’m not GAINING weight but actual pounds had not come off yet. Then yesterday I mentioned it on my P90X blog and this morning, BAM!

THE POUND. The pound I’ve been waiting to see for two weeks so I can finally officially say: I have lost 40 pounds.

I feel SO GOOD. I feel STRONG. I feel FIT. I feel like my lungs are bigger, my heart is stronger and my endurance is sky high.

I owe huge, gigantic, TOTALLY BIG thank you’s to two very important people:

Ben. Who has supported and encouraged me every single step of the way. He has been tough on me when I needed it and sensitive when I really needed a break. There is no way that I could have done this without the constant support and encouragement from my husband. And I know how hard it is for him to sit there and WATCH but not be able to DO since he’s pretty much stuck on the couch till his back surgery on the 15th of this month. To be able to stay upbeat and positive and supportive while he’s been down is a BIG DEAL to me. Thank you, honey.


Julie. Who’s own transformation is just… AMAZING. I’ve known Julie for a LONG time. I got to hold her 1st baby the day he was born, I was there to watch her walk down the isle, and even though I’m a hippy liberal SHE STILL LIKES ME! What she’s given to me in a healthy body, mind and spirit is more than I ever expected. She makes me laugh pretty much every day and keeps me motivated to PUSH PLAY and BRING IT! Thank you, Julie!