I am so awesome that it’s like a VORTEX OF AWESOME that is SO STRONG it can SUCK PEOPLE THROUGH THE TUBES OF AWESOMENESS and land them on my AWESOME WEB PAGE.

On July 6th, 2009 I posted the following comment on this post about what an idiot Kathy Lee Gifford is. I wanted to give fair warning so that people would understand that my BLOG is NOT a CONTACT FORM to get a message to either Kathy Lee Gifford or Hoda Kotb. Clearly, the message didn’t seem to make it through.

Dear Internet People,

This is a BLOG POST and is not, in any way, some kind of contact form to get ahold of Hoda or Kathy. STOP LEAVING YOUR CRAZY ASS INSANE fanmail here.


This is your warning: From now on if you try to use my BLOG COMMENTS as an attempt to contact either of them I’ll repost it in a blog on the front page and include all your contact info and encourage people to send you goatse and other non-welcome emails. THEN MAYBE YOU WILL GET THE POINT.

The Management

So here you go, reader. Sure it’s not a comment talking about how OMGAWESOME Hoda or Kathy are and it’s not in ALL CAPS but I did make a threat and I intend to follow through. Also, yesterday was a busy day and I kinda needed the laugh. Also, THE GRAMMAR!


New comment on your post #1075 “Dear Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb,”
Author : Geneve Honrbuckle (IP: ,
E-mail : genevehornbuckle@yahoo.com
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=
Koda, I sorry about what I heard you say on the July 27th show about the incident in Cambriag when the professor refussed to show ID that he was a resident there. It sounded a little like you were doing some rasical profiling toward police officers when they were trying to protect this mans property. I just thing it is a shame that we are already to blame the ones who are out there trying to protect us everyday. I saw a pictice once of a police office looking down a very dark alley and the caption said You would’t go down that alley for a million dollars, but he goes down it for a whole lot less. I think that say a lot.

And not to be outdone, just today I got an email from Vicki and MAN WAS IT AWESOME. It was probably the best comment I’ve ever gotten. It was so awesome that I’m thinking about printing and framing it so that I can hang it on the wall in the living room. Maybe what I should do is start gathering all these fabulous little gems in a shrine. That way when people come over to visit I can be all, “Look how AWESOME I AM! I am so awesome that it’s like a VORTEX OF AWESOME that is SO STRONG it can SUCK PEOPLE THROUGH THE TUBES OF AWESOMENESS and land them on my AWESOME WEB PAGE.”

Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

Author : Vicki (IP: , adsl-70-234-152-84.dsl.tul2ok.sbcglobal.net)
E-mail : dixieduo@sbcglobal.net
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=
Dear Kathy Lee and Hoda

I am disturbed that so many women said that about Sarah Palin. The way I see it she didn’t set women back she advanced them. I believe she did the best she could and jumped out there in the light and so she didn’t win she still made the effort. I haven’t seen any other women jumping out and going for it. Give her some slack. Look in your own family closets and realize that she is like all of us. Average American Family with all the faults like everyone else, but she took the chance and that my friends says it al.

It was so awesome, in fact, that I felt it warranted an awesome response so I sent this back.


If you had taken a few seconds to read the comments on my blog post about Kathy and Hoda you’d have seen that I am in NO WAY affiliated with them. They will never see the comment you just left because, as I state VERY CLEARLY, it’s MY blog, not an email form to get ahold of them.

That being said…

I’m going to name off a few people who’s names you might be familiar with:

Condoleezza Rice
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Sandra Day O’Connor
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Nancy Pelosi

Those are all very powerful women in the US political system and all of them fought to get to where they are today. Meaning: They didn’t ride the coat tails of a more powerful man to get there. Well, I guess you could say that Hillary did that in some respect BUT she didn’t just QUIT when things didn’t work out for her. She picked herself back up, fought for what she believed in and made a name for HERSELF. And she ran HERSELF for president. How in the hell is it that you can sit there and say that no other women are “going for it”? I assume Kathy and Hoba said something to upset you but I can tell you, it’s never good to present an opposing view with completely biased and false information.

Before being handed the VP nomination 99.78% of the American population had no idea who the hell sarah Palin was! Now she’s not even a politician. She’s a just a normal citizen like you and me. Because she gave up. Sure she can try and run again for something but there’s a fat chance after her record and her pathetic public showing during her “going for it” stage so she doesn’t really stand a good chance of being elected for ANYTHING anymore. She decided that making a lot of money was more worth it to her.

Also, you might try searching for the official Today show page for Kathy and Hoda. I’d assume NBC.com would be a good place to start…

Sometimes these little gems land in my inbox and it really wouldn’t be fair of me to keep them to myself.




Last Monday we missed our first Intermediate Dog Training class because Kumo was having some ‘potty issues’. In order to be in this Monday’s class we had to first make up that missed week and because Amy loves Kumo more than most parents love their kids, she let us come in last Sunday for a private lesson.

Amy and Kumo

Have I mentioned how much I love Amy before? Because I do, a lot. She’s absolutely adorable. Kumo loves her even more though. When we get into the parking lot at PetSmart he starts to whine and attempts to climb out the window. I can’t exactly see his thoughts but I imagine it’s Kumo and Amy running towards each other in slow motion with Bolero playing softly in the background.

We got through the basic new commands rather quickly so Amy was teaching us some tricks to work on with him for fun. One of the tricks was pointing your finger at the dog and giving a loud verbal “BANG” which the dog responds to by laying on his side and playing dead. Ben was giddy watching this new trick. He had a huge grin on his face and I could clearly imagine him at the dog park showing Bob, and anybody else who showed up, this awesome new trick that Kumo had learned.

Amy mentioned that she had worked on the same trick the week before so while all the other dogs had a whole week to learn it, we’d be back the NEXT day so in order to not be shown up by all the other dogs, we’d have to get on it!

Amy: All the other dads had all week to practice!
Ben: We’ll get it!
Amy: Yeah, he’s such a smart boy! He’ll have it in no time!
Ben: Because he’s a GOOD BOY!
Amy: Yes he is! He’s a good smart boy!
Me: Yeah! And Ben will be home all day tomorrow BANGING THE DOG!
Ben: ….
Me: WHAT!?
Ben: *glare*
Me: *giggle*

And that is why often times when Ben has to leave the house he tries to lock me in the crate and take the dog with him instead.

WIRtW: (0005) Water Wars

When I Rule the World, if you walk out of the break room after having drained the VERY LAST DROPS of water out of the dispenser and don’t:

1) Put a new jug on yourself, or
2) ASK SOMEBODY that has more upper body strength than a FIVE YEAR OLD to do it for you,



“I’m a girl” is not a reason not to change the water. It’s a bullshit cop out that further promotes the fact that women are helpless pussies that might BREAK IN HALF under the weight of a 40 pound jug of water. Seriously. I’ve seen the purses you all carry around on those fragile little arms so just don’t go there.

You may view all of my rule changes here.

Anybody that tells you not to cry over spilled milk has never actually SMELLED spilled milk.

Over the last few days my car started to develop a rather odd smell. I just brushed it off as a food container and when I got home from work Monday I made sure to take the only one out of my car. It was empty and had been cleaned but I figured the California heat had somehow baked some leftover smell out of it and went on my way.

Then I went to get in my car this morning. And I opened the door. And a smell so strong came out that it melted the paint off the wall seven feet away.

I turned the car on then set about tearing the inside apart trying to figure out where the hell the smell was coming from. There was nothing! A blanket we put on the back seat for Kumo and two hoodies. I even pulled up the carpets to smell them and nothing.

I got back in the car figuring I’d just try to figure it out later but when I got in and closed the door the smell was too strong to try and ignore. Then it dawned on me to check the trunk.

And I opened the trunk. And the smell was so bad it melted the paint off the cars in a 20 mile radius. And there is was: A completely full gallon of milk I bought LAST THURSDAY. Well, by this morning it wasn’t so much milk as a watery substance filled with what looked like a lovely aged mozzarella.

Last Thursday after work I ran to the grocery store thinking that I’d grab a few essentials for the three day weekend, including TWO gallons of milk. When I got home I asked Cassidy to empty my trunk. She emptied it then put all the groceries away for me and I never thought to CHECK because WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG IN THAT PROCESS!? I mean, I figured the worst thing that could have happened is that there would be a can of corn in the peas row. And people, there is NOTHING that drives me more nuts than my canned veggies not to be in order. If I know there is a can in the wrong place I actually have problems falling asleep at night.

I learned my lesson for sure. Friday, Saturday and Sunday my car went pretty much unused but yesterday it sat out in the glaring sun for 9 hours. If you can’t quite wrap your mind around just how insulting that smell would be I invite you to walk to your closest neighbor’s house at high noon, dive head first into their garbage can and take a few minutes to really let the full aroma envelope you. That’s what it felt like driving home from work today.

I did, fior just a plit second, wonder how we were almost out of milk on Sunday morning when I had just gotten TWO gallons on Thursday evening. The answer was that only one of them had made it into the house.

Anybody that tells you not to cry over spilled milk has never actually SMELLED spilled milk.

In 140 (plus possibly 673 more) characters or less.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should tweet that” only to find that it’s just not possible to get your iFriends to fully appreciate the awesomeness of trying to explain to your daughter just how NOT OKAY it is to tell somebody they have fat feet?

Well, I do. Like, all the time. Seriously.

And I always think to myself that HELLO!! BLOG!! But then I start to wonder if posting crazy stuff in little bursts like that will fill up your Google feedreader (all 38 of you!) and risk you hitting that unsubscribe button. The problem is that I just don’t have it in me right now to sit and really write.

Truth: I’m stressed the fuck out.

Ben still hasn’t found a new job. We all need summer clothes but I keep thinking we can wear these jeans just a bit longer. Do I really want to spend THAT MUCH MONEY on razors?! Especially if nobody can see my legs because I never wear shorts because I only have two pair that I can wear. I want to sign Cassidy up for some kind of summer camp but with Ben here, it’s seems silly to spend money on something like that when he’s here to keep her busy. I really want a new iPhone, mine is on it’s last legs but I’m not about to blow $199 on a new phone when I think of all the other things we need. I had the idea to sell a purse and some makeup to cover the cost of the phone but if I sell that stuff there are so many other things that money could go towards and iPhone isn’t at the top of the list, things like summer clothes still are. It’s not that we CAN’T go out and buy these things, it’s not that bad, it’s just getting over the mental hurdle of buying anything we don’t ABSOLUTELY NEED until Ben finds work.

I’ve been taking on a lot of extra responsibility at work which is great because I’ve basically injected myself into the new system we are about to roll out so I’ve got job security. But. It also means more work, added stress and having to deal with more people. Also, not having time to blog from work.

And I hate to lay this onto Ben. I know that he’s equally as stressed out as I am and what words can he offer me? We’re in this together. It’s not something where one of us can look in from the outside, sheltered and unaffected, to give comfort to the other. We are both suffering. And as much as we’ve both tried to not let it effect us, it has. I’m sure that he’s SO READY to be out of this house and back into the workforce that it’s frustrating for him. Add that to me being completely stressed out and it’s naturally led to some tension at home which means; more stress.

Then one of the hardest things for me, the one I constantly have to tell myself to not dwell on, is that I really hoped this year would be the one where we’d start trying to grow the family and, obviously, we aren’t about to go down that road when we aren’t financially stable. The hardest part is watching people all around me get pregnant. There are TWO girls out of the 8 on my team at work that are expecting, too many online friends to count have suddenly all started popping up pregnant or about to deliver or have newborns, then family members… It’s SO hard to sit back and read/watch that. I am honestly so happy and beyond thrilled for all of these awesome girls and families but hearing about it is so bitter sweet. Sometimes if feels like 97% bitter and 3% sweet. Something I try not to dwell on but tell that to my uterus and that stupid clock ticking so hard it’s like an entire drumline has taken up residence in my cerebral cortex and boy are they throwing one hell of a kegger.

*deep breath*

So yeah, I tend to stop blogging when I start to feel this way because as much as I try to not let my mood effect my writing THAT MUCH, it does and I can’t control that.

SO ANYWAY! I’ve decided that it’s kind of silly to let aflux just sit here and rot, right? There are awesome resources out there like the WordPress iPhone app so I can publish those moments on the go. The good ones. The ones that make me smile and forget the stress and help the day pass by. The ones I hope to start documenting so that I can look back at the end of the day and smile and say, hey! Things aren’t THAT BAD! Cassidy thinks I have some pretty PHAT feet!