Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

I’m exhausted. This is actually pretty normal for a Friday night but this week it’s worse because I spent the last two days at work trying to catch up for the two days I laid on the couch with a fever and scared to turn my head because the wave of resulting nausea was crippling.

No, I am not pregnant. I think it was just a flu bug and it sucked. Balls.

I hate staying home during the week. I hate that I am so swamped at work that when I come back there is ALL THIS STUFF, TWO DAYS WORTH, that I have to take care of RIGHT THIS SECOND. And then the days of playing catch up afterwards. But more than that, I just, home is BORING! At least Ben was here so I didn’t have to talk to the wall, or the dogs, or the remote… but still! I wasn’t really in a talking mood and for some reason as bad as I felt I couldn’t get much sleep and I couldn’t move my eyes to read (WAVE OF CRIPPLING NAUSEA) which left me with *sinister music* DAY. TIME. TV.

Now, I’m just going to lay this out there: I love The Young and the Restless.


I’ve been watching it for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS and it’s a guilty pleasure I don’t often talk about out loud. Ever. To anybody. I can’t even talk to Ben about it because any time I try to watch a DVR’d episode he rolls his eyes with such force that it knocks the pictures off the walls. IN CHINA. Actually, I’m pretty sure the BP oil leak in the gulf was caused by Ben rolling his eyes when I turned on an episode of The Young and the Restless.

Other than that show though day time TV is PAINFUL and at one point I woke up from a short nap and The Maury Show was on and the remote was like, THREE WHOLE FEET AWAY, and I just didn’t have the willpower or the mental capacity to REACH ALL THE WAY OVER THERE to turn the channel.

About 10 minutes in I started to shake and broke out in a cold sweat and I think my braincells were starting to march, single file, out of my ear to GET AWAY FROM THE MAURY SHOW. AT ALL COSTS. There’s only so many times a person can watch a girl having a FOURTH MAN DNA tested to attain the proud job of deadbeat baby daddy before they break. Somebody has to be this kid’s dad! Like, I’m totally behind the closing of Guantanamo Bay now because all we really need to do is lock a person in a cell with a 60 inch TV screen playing The Maury Show. I give them 10 minutes MAX before they break. PROBLEM SOLVED! MILLIONS OF DOLLARS SAVED!

I need to write this shit down more often. America would be so much better off.

Also: Working on and off on a new theme for the site so if you come and things look broken or ugly, it’s because of that. Or Ben went and rolled his eyes again, either way.

But it’s probably Ben’s fault.

I’m just saying!

In which I declare the rest of us Gods.

On the way into work this morning the DJs were talking about John Mayer’s recent switch from twitter to tumblr. John made a post on his tumblr talking about how much better it was than twitter because it’s conversational structure is better:

I love reading other Tumblr users replies, because they’re thoughtful by virtue of the fact that if they’re not, they’ll bring the intellectual property value of their own blog down, and that’s a commodity on Tumblr.

Now, John actually has a point here. I can imagine for somebody like him the sheer amount of @replies you get can be OVERWHELMING. And especially for douchebags like John Mayer it’s got to get a little old checking your @replies and having to hear about what a tool you are. But you know, I guess that twitter just likes to keep it real and John Mayer IS A TOOL.

Now, I read this post he made about twitter and how he was over it when he first posted it and just rolled my eyes because it was just more of John Mayer being the self-important ass that he is. Reading that post it was clear that he never used twitter for what it was meant to be used for. It never asked “How my I help you in further inflating your ego today, John?”

The thing that really bugged me this morning was how the DJs didn’t know what tumblr was and thus dubbed John “technologically advanced” for being “ahead of the social networking game” and I’m sorry but, WHAT THE FUCK?

John Mayor showed up on twitter THREE YEARS AFTER IT LAUNCHED. Long after the day of the FailWhale, and COLOR WARS (TEAM #FF1CAE FOR LIFE) and wouldn’t know what to do with twitter if it didn’t have search and trending topics. Do you remember that? Being able to search tweets was BIG NEWS for us geeks when it was introduced!

He joined twitter after it became popular and “the place to be” on the web and only after other “A Listers” started getting media attention because of it. And probably only because his publicist was tired of having to listen to his elitist bullshit every day and wanted to give him some other outlet to have his cock ego stroked while also injecting him into the cool new trend. Reading his tweets and blogs make my brain swell. I’m pretty sure he pays somebody to follow him around with a thesaurus. BIG WORDY PRETENTIOUS POSTS! HE HAS THEM!

And now he’s joined tumblr. Well great! WELCOME TO 2007! Dude is SO AHEAD OF THE GAME!

I joined twitter December 30th, 2006.
John joined twitter January 30th, 2009.

I joined tumblr in late 2007.
John first posted to tumblr November 12th, 2009.

If John Mayer is technologically advanced because in the last year he’s started to utilize software that’s FOUR YEARS OLD then most of my online friends are technological fucking savants. No, GODS!


Which isn’t saying a lot.

Because it’s John Mayer.