Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

I’m exhausted. This is actually pretty normal for a Friday night but this week it’s worse because I spent the last two days at work trying to catch up for the two days I laid on the couch with a fever and scared to turn my head because the wave of resulting nausea was crippling.

No, I am not pregnant. I think it was just a flu bug and it sucked. Balls.

I hate staying home during the week. I hate that I am so swamped at work that when I come back there is ALL THIS STUFF, TWO DAYS WORTH, that I have to take care of RIGHT THIS SECOND. And then the days of playing catch up afterwards. But more than that, I just, home is BORING! At least Ben was here so I didn’t have to talk to the wall, or the dogs, or the remote… but still! I wasn’t really in a talking mood and for some reason as bad as I felt I couldn’t get much sleep and I couldn’t move my eyes to read (WAVE OF CRIPPLING NAUSEA) which left me with *sinister music* DAY. TIME. TV.

Now, I’m just going to lay this out there: I love The Young and the Restless.


I’ve been watching it for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS and it’s a guilty pleasure I don’t often talk about out loud. Ever. To anybody. I can’t even talk to Ben about it because any time I try to watch a DVR’d episode he rolls his eyes with such force that it knocks the pictures off the walls. IN CHINA. Actually, I’m pretty sure the BP oil leak in the gulf was caused by Ben rolling his eyes when I turned on an episode of The Young and the Restless.

Other than that show though day time TV is PAINFUL and at one point I woke up from a short nap and The Maury Show was on and the remote was like, THREE WHOLE FEET AWAY, and I just didn’t have the willpower or the mental capacity to REACH ALL THE WAY OVER THERE to turn the channel.

About 10 minutes in I started to shake and broke out in a cold sweat and I think my braincells were starting to march, single file, out of my ear to GET AWAY FROM THE MAURY SHOW. AT ALL COSTS. There’s only so many times a person can watch a girl having a FOURTH MAN DNA tested to attain the proud job of deadbeat baby daddy before they break. Somebody has to be this kid’s dad! Like, I’m totally behind the closing of Guantanamo Bay now because all we really need to do is lock a person in a cell with a 60 inch TV screen playing The Maury Show. I give them 10 minutes MAX before they break. PROBLEM SOLVED! MILLIONS OF DOLLARS SAVED!

I need to write this shit down more often. America would be so much better off.

Also: Working on and off on a new theme for the site so if you come and things look broken or ugly, it’s because of that. Or Ben went and rolled his eyes again, either way.

But it’s probably Ben’s fault.

I’m just saying!

7 thoughts on “Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

  1. What I really hate about Maury is how he always comforts them. These women will run off the stage like they are shocked and he’ll follow them and comfort them. I’m sorry, but if you’ve just tested the 10th man with negative results, something is NOT okay!

  2. Haha at Ben’s destruction via eye rolling. That is hilarious. I hate the Maury show too. Immediately I am screaming to get away at all costs, too.

  3. I LOVE baby daddy Maury episodes. I especially love it when they’re all “I’m a million percent sure he’s my baby daddy” and they’re wrong. Great – now the whole world knows that not only are you a complete slut…you’re also terrible at math.

  4. I really like your blog! I’m a new author and have enjoyed this new experience. I find that it’s the most difficult and most rewarding. I’m also a graphic designer and love having that creative outlet as well.
    Thanks for your post! I will be back for more updates. 🙂

    Melissa Nielsen

  5. I hate being at home during weekdays but since my working hours are usually weekends and evenings, this happens a lot. The only thing that I watch on TV is Loose Women.

    I am quite glad that if I miss work, someone else does the work for me (the beauty of retail). My Dad complains that he has piles of work when he takes a holiday or a sick day (civil servant) so I bet he can emphasize with you.

  6. The Maury Show is horrible. The women are absolute morons, the men are practically bums and Maury is just an instigator! I always notice the way he smiles once the drama arises, i.e. an argument brewing between two people on stage. It reminds me that people live for drama.

    I hate having to catch up on work too! But I must admit when I have to miss work, I’m rather enjoying it. You think regular TV is bad during the daytime? Cable during the day is sometimes a lot worse.

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