Last Saturday I took a Melatonin and got into bed and then 5 minutes later Ben asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. Yeah, I was sound asleep in bed about 10 minutes later. Till suddenly I was awoken in the middle of the night to Ben being crazy.
Me: *incoherent mumble*
Ben: There is a spider…
Me: WHAT!? WHERE!?
Ben: …in the corner of the garage by the water heater and I need to kill it.
Me: Wait, what?
Ben: I’m not going to tell you what kind of spider it is but do we have something we can spray at a spider and kill it instantly?
Me: IS IT A BLACK WIDOW!?
Me: Brake cleaner?
Ben: Will that work?
Me: I don’t know, it kills brain cells on contact.
And then he was gone and I promptly fell back asleep because it’s not like the spider was in the house.
Then what I assume was a short time later.
Ben: It worked!
Me: THAT’S RIGHT IT DID! YOU SHOWED THAT SPIDER WHO THE FUCKING BOSS IS. THIS IS YOUR HOUSE AND THAT SPIDER CAN GET THE FUCK OUT.
Me: YOU TOLD THAT SPIDER! THAT SPIDER WAS TOLD!
Me: What kind of spider was it?
Ben: A HUGE black widow. One of the biggest I’ve ever seen.
Me: So, then we’ll be burning the house down tomorrow?
Ben: You should probably go back to sleep now.
Me: Yeah. Okay.
He acts like I’m the crazy person in this relationship but I’m not the one that was spider hunting in the garage in the middle of the night. Who even does that!? Crazy people, THAT’S who.
P.S. – I told Ben that I had started writing this last night at dinner so asked him why he was out in the garage that late at night hunting spiders and he swears there was a reason he was out there but could never actually remember what the reason was. CRAZY, BEN! THAT’S THE REASON.
P.S.² – I took the picture of the dead black widow above in 2010 shortly after we had moved into the house and it took me an entire year to use the downstairs bathroom again.
P.S.³ – Ben also told me last night on the way home from dinner that the spider had curled into a ball so he left it there and then the next day it was GONE. I asked him WHY IN THE HELL he would tell me that! LIE TO ME! He said that lying would be bad because it sets a bad prescient and I get that but then I told him that he’s allowed to lie about spiders. Then he got out of the car and walked over to the corner and said he thought he could see it on the ground and now I don’t know if I can trust him. *sigh*