You’re welcome for this enlightening life lesson.

Recipe: CANDY!

Earlier this evening I got tired of having to get off the couch every time the doorbell rang so I enlisted Cassidy to take a shift handing out Halloween candy to all the adorable little sugar fueled kids.

Cassidy: Why do parents of two year olds come to the door and get candy? They aren’t going to let the kids actually eat all that candy and most of the kids sit in a stroller on the sidewalk while the parents come to the door to get the candy.
Me: Cassidy, there’s only two reasons any adult willingly chooses to have kids. Only two. One is the tax break, the other is the Halloween candy.
Cassidy: That’s… horrible.
Me: Yeah, but the free chocolate makes you get over that pretty quick.

Me: You’re welcome.
Cassidy: For what?
Me: This enlightening life lesson.
Cassidy: Halloween is NOT about the kids? It’s about adults eating your candy when you go to bed?

Recipe: Ginger Chicken Stir Fry

I always look at food/cooking blogs and wonder what kind of perfect world a person must live in where they have the time to take such awesome pictures (and perfectly written recipes). Then I remember that they probably require daylight and most of these bloggers don’t have full time jobs or lunatic (BUT TOTALLY ADORABLE) teenagers and dogs and… did I mention that FULL TIME JOB THING!?

I pretty much gave up on getting good photos and now just just my iPhone, edit them with Snapseed on the iPad and BAM! There ya go! Other things that set us apart.

  • My stove is scarred and scratched and marred and usually has crumbs on it and I totally don’t give a shit.
  • So are my pots and pans and utensils.
  • I don’t have pretty dishes. We have one set of somewhat fancy plates but they are dark blue and dark burgundy and horrible for taking pictures. White plates are on my Christmas wish list. HINT HINT!
  • I am very bad at following recipe directions and I never make a recipe the same way twice. I always read a new recipe a few times and then add/subtract things to our liking. In the same manner, I’m going to post a recipe the way I made it today but tomorrow I might make it completely differently. The base ingredients are generally the same though so take them and build on them to make them your own!

This chicken stir fry is super easy and really healthy. It’s just good vegetables, some chicken and seasoning. Use whatever vegetables you have on hand. This is just what happened to be in my fridge that looked good this day. Mix it up a little! Also, don’t forget the water chestnuts like I did. Your husband will give you the stink eye when he realizes they are missing.


2 tablespoons peanut oil
1.5 – 2 pounds chicken breasts, diced into small-ish pieces (about .5 – 1 inch square)
1 Anaheim chili, diced
5 cloves garlic, diced
1 ginger root, diced
1 zucchini, sliced (Because you have it in your fridge and it’s going to go bad if you don’t use it soon.)
some mushrooms, chopped (“Some” is an exact measurement! I used 10.)
some asparagus cut into two inch pieces (Some for me was about 10 stalks)
some carrots, sliced (I used 5)
2 tablespoons House of Tsang Szechuan Spicy Stir Fry Sauce (or whatever sauce you like. Try and find something low sodium and beware not to over do it if you use this sauce, it is HOT. Like, burn your taste buds off hot.)

Chop, dice and cut all your vegetables first. This makes getting it in the pan without anything over cooking much easier. But make sure to forget to take a picture before putting the garlic into the pan.


Put one tablespoon of the oil in the pan and cook the garlic, ginger and chili over medium high heat. This is the base flavor for the entire meal and is made of YUM!


Start adding your veggies into the pan. Add the veggies that take longer first and then start adding the rest. Carrots take the longest so they went in first, then the asparagus, then the mushrooms, then the zucchini which takes the least amount of time.


Once your veggies are pretty much done, add the sauce. Again, you don’t need much of this. BURN YOUR MOUTH HOT. Toss them around and let them cook for another minute then put them in a bowl off to the side.


When your veggies are cooking, go ahead and cut up your chicken and season it with a bit of whatever you like on your chicken. For us, I use a bit of Garlic Dude Dust and some pepper.


Also, get your kitchen slave helper to start cleaning up whatever mess you are making. Don’t be silly like me and forget to tell him to take his shirt off first so you can better enjoy the view.


Now add the other tablespoon of oil to the same pan and add the chicken to start it cooking. (Can I get a HELL YEAH for one pan recipes!?).


Add the second tablespoon (or less like I did) of sauce to the chicken and continue to cook it till all the salmonalla is dead and you aren’t in danger of poisoning your family. Or, you know, until it’s done.


Once the chicken is done, add the veggies back into the pot and toss it all together for about a minuted till it looks too good not to eat anymore. Then, EAT IT! We have it over brown rice made in the rice cooker with some low sodium fat free chicken broth and a dash of tumeric.


Healthy can be good AND cheap. And realistic.

This morning I laid in bed trying to nurse a wicked 24 hour sinus headache and was browsing Pinterest. Oh Pinterest, you suck me in and spit me out an hour later hungry and wanting to make All The Pretties.

So, while browing the Health and Fitness thread I happened across this image which I’ve acually seen quite a few times on Pinterest.


I posted this to Facebook right away and pretty much everybody agreed with me that the second price listed is pretty much unrealistic for anywhere in the country. Less than $2.00 for chicken is just ridiculous! Somebody pointed out that some of these are Wal*Mart brand but even then, I just don’t buy that you can get all this food for $19.54. So today when Cassidy and I went to do our big weekly shopping trip I looked for all these thing to see how much it would ACTUALLY cost. I picked the cheapest, non-sale price and this is what I got (pre-tax):

$10.04 – 2 pounds chicken breasts
$2.99 – 10 pounds potatoes
$3.00 – 8 ears corn
$2.99 – 1 pound peaches
$3.89 – 1 gallon skim milk
$3.99 – 1 pound 96% lean ground beef
$2.99 – 32 oz 99% fat free Yoplait yogurt (didn’t have Yolpait, chose the cheapest brand)
$2.49 – 18 oz canister of oats
$1.98 – 2 pounds frozen sweet peas
$1.99 – 1 pound dried kidney beans
$36.26 – Total

Now, this is not to say that you can’t eat healthy AND cheap (the Shakshuka recipe I posted awhile ago is $6.85 and feeds 4 people with leftovers for 2!) but this list is completely unrealistic which annoys me because we DO need to encourage people to eat more healthy but we need to do that in a realistic way.

ANYWAY, I was annoyed, even more so since it came from SparkPeople which is supposed to be a reputable site. It also reminded me that I previously planned to post more of the recipes I make (before my hard drive died and I was without it for over a month) so I’m planning on getting back to that THIS WEEK.


They probably shouldn’t depend on me for survival.

Back story:
So you now how Danica is a picky bitch (HA! SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?) and stopped eating the canned food we buy and I had to start making the dogs their own homemade dog food? Well, lets just say that at some point in the future I’ll get the hang of it. I mean it’s not like I do this EVERY SINGLE SATURDAY or anything.

Scene: Kitchen
Time: 2 weeks ago
Cast: Cassidy and Me
Cassidy: Mom, why do you have all this stuff in the crock pot?
Me: I’m cooking dog food.
Cassidy: You are?
Me: Well, that’s kind of what crock pots are for. You know… cooking things.
Cassidy: I’m pretty sure you have to actually turn them on for that to happen.
Cassidy: Yeah.

Scene: Kitchen
Time: Yesterday
Cast: Ben and Me
Me: Dog food’s cooking!
Ben: Okay
Me: I even remembered to turn it on this time!
Ben: That’s always good!
3 hours later.
Ben: Is there a reason you don’t have the crock pot plugged in?


I’m totes alive ya’ll. I could go into a big spiel about the LEEP procedure and the recovery but then I’d lose readers because they’d be throwing up on their keyboards and do you really want to have to read about how they had to burn the skin off 80% of my cervix? You probably don’t. Except I will guarantee you that you have never smelled a “bad smell” until you have had to breath in the acrid stench of your own burning vagina for half an hour. I’d rather insert my nose directly into the sent sack of an angry skunk than ever have to smell that smell again.

From now on when you smell a skunk remind yourself it’s not nearly as bad as a smoking cervix. You’re welcome.

But GOOD NEWS! I don’t have cancer. I had beginning stages but it’s GONE and fuck cancer. Paps every 4-6 months till I have at least two clean swabs then NEVER more than a year between them for life. My vagina and I sincerely thank you for all the support and love and well wishes through what was a pretty stressful time. I kind of lost my mind for a few weeks there and it wasn’t at all pretty. A lot of you kept me sane without even realizing that you were doing it.