Recipe: Homemade dog food.

Our princess dog, Danica, stopped eating food for about two weeks till we finally figured out that the reason she had stopped was because she no longer liked the wet food we were putting into her bowl in the morning. We do a half wet/half dry mixture in the morning and all dry in the afternoon but because she wasn’t finishing the wet in the morning, we were just mixing in more dry in the evening and she would only eat about half of that too. She was only getting about a cup of food total a day.

Because Ben and I are pretty particular about the food we’ll give the pets I decided to try my hand at making it myself rather than do a ton of research on different brands of foods and hoping that our picky dog would eat. After reading a bit online it seemed that all the recipes were really similar and most sites gave the same basic directions for slow cooker food. The last site I ended up reading said “You know what your dog likes, just use that and you’ll be good” so that’s what I’ve been doing.

General directions are easy: put food in slow cooker, cook for a lot of time, stir, serve. Where a lot of people differ is the ingredients. Just make sure before you start that you read up on anything you want to add to make sure that it’s safe for dogs. Apples, for instance, are loved by a lot of dogs but the seeds can be dangerous so make sure to core them and remove any seeds first. For a great list of foods that are and are not safe for dogs go here.

Here was the recipe I used the first time:

1.2 LB Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts or Tenders
20 OZ Ground Turkey
2 Apples (cored and deseeded)
1/2 a 2 LB bag of carrots
1/2 a 2 LB bag of frozen peas
1 cup brown rice

It netted about 16 cups of food. This time I took pictures of the process to show you how simple it really is. I changed up the recipe a bit to see how Princess Pick Eater would do with it and she’s eating it fine but I forgot the rice so it made less food. Also, I think that I’ll probably drop the turkey next time and use all chicken. EXPERIMENT! It’s SO EASY to make and your dogs will LOVE IT and you will have total control over the kind of food they’re eating.

So here are the basic steps:

1) Gather all your ingredients (don’t forget the brown rice LIKE A FOOL ;)):

Homemade Dog Food Ingredients.

2) Throw the meat in there! Whatever your dogs like! Danica once stole an entire roasted chicken off the counter and ate half of it in less than two minutes. On another occasion she stole an ENTIRE PACKAGE of frozen turkey off the counter and ate it. Pretty sure the American Government could have bottled up the farts that occurred after that to use for the most harsh form of chemical warfare.



3) Add the veggies! Kumo LOVES carrots. We actually use them for training with him. He also LOVES apples but this time we were running low on them so instead I added two large sweet potatoes. I also add peas for a touch of color and because they are good for you!


Sweet Potato


4) Add enough water to cover the meat. I added a little more that than here and it was a bit too much, I had to remove some when it was done cooking.


5) Turn the slow cooker on low and walk away. This batch cooked for nine hours overnight while we slept and I finished it up in the morning. You will be tempted to stir it or smell it or gaze longingly at it but don’t. Just leave it alone and let it be.

Cook on low for 8-10 hours.

6) When it’s done cooking (I wouldn’t go less than 6 hours) turn the cooker off and start to stir the food. The meat will just fall apart as you stir. Mash the veggies into it a bit while you stir. Try to avoid the temptation to taste it. It isn’t bad but with no seasoning it’s kind of bland. Ben said it smelled and looked like chicken pot pie filling. The dogs will be somewhere near you drooling, try not to slip on it. (Since I forgot the rice there was a bit too much liquid here and I had to skim some off the top so don’t be like me and forget the rice!)

10 hours on low.

Start stirring!

7) FINISHED! We throw it into a Tupperware container and dish it out every morning for breakfast. Our dogs get a cup each so we use it all up before it goes bad but if your dogs eat less then you can freeze what you don’t need right away and pull it out as you need it.


I’d win the gold medal in Batshit Crazy Emotional Roller Coaster of Shame.

So that last post was written right in the middle of a fever that ended up lasting for about two weeks. It was the exact opposite of awesome. My body does not respond well to not being able to regulate it’s temperature. I became REALLY irritated and was uncomfortable about 142% of the time (I think most normal people would consider all 24 hours of the day 100% of the time but I don’t include sleep time in my percentage because it’s just a WASTE. A waste of time I refuse to acknowledge except when I’m sick. This time I was uncomfortable EVEN IN MY SLEEP. I wanted to punch sleep in the nose.).

This part is where if you are a man you should probably stop reading.

Trust. You just don’t need to know that women think this way.

And now I’m back two weeks later having pretty much the worst period ever. Don’t worry, I don’t mean that in the gross graphic kind of way because BLECH. I don’t go there because I know when I read about THAT aspect online, I want to punch the offending girl right in the uterus. Seriously, don’t need to hear it. UNFOLLOW!

No, my period is bad in a much worse way. The kind of way that makes a normally sane women turn into a batshit crazy emotional roller coaster of shame. I cried last night because toothpaste fell on my nightgown when I was brushing my teeth. I really wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not. It is my most comfortable nightgown and it’s black so the toothpaste shined bright like the light of a mid day sun. It was a tragic turn of events at the end of a very, very long day at work and not being able to sit down after work till almost 9:00PM and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and snuggle up to Ben and BE DONE WITH THIS DAY ALREADY and that toothpaste was like FUCK YOU, LADY. And I cried. At the sink. With my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. I managed to pull myself together before Ben walked in a few minutes later and he’s had the privilege of living with me long enough to know to ignore my red, swollen eyes this time of the month.

It’s only when I have the red, swollen eyes AND I’m hyperventilating that he really starts to question me. Or when I have the red, swollen eyes and I’m holding something sharp. Then he looks concerned but generally keeps pretty quiet about it.

The fact that the Olympics are this week means that you’ll probably be able to find me every night on the couch crying like a baby. Crying because people win, crying because people lose, crying because the announcer gives me another piece of useless information WOULD HE JUST SHUT UP ALREADY, crying because a player from a country I’ve never even heard of before has been injured… you get the idea.

I’ll be a mess and it will be awesome because it’s the Olympics.

Sick Day.

I do not have time for this shit.

There are about 75,000,000 other things I’d rather do than sit at home all day being sick. It’s SO BORING. The only redeeming bonus is that HGTV plays House Hunters and My First Place all day if I can stay awake to watch them. That’s the problem with a 101 degree fever, my body gets all SLEEP FOOL on me and keeping my eyes open for more than an hour becomes almost impossible. Actually, it IS impossible so thank you DVR for never letting me miss which house those people that mean absolutely nothing to me picked because I’m not sure I could have continued on with my life without that information. Can you even imagine? What kind of life would that be?

OH! And you know that thing people tell you “I woke up covered in sweat?” Well I thought that was just a saying to garner extra sympathy. Like, maybe if you say that, your husband will get you some ice cream on the way home because he feels so sorry for you but who ACTUALLY wakes up COVERED IN SWEAT!? But you know what?! That ACTUALLY HAPPENS! I woke up Sunday night and thought I had a spider crawling on my face and temporarily FREAKED OUT when I realized it was just a drip of water ON MY FACE, FROM MY SWEAT GLANDS. Apparently that’s what happens when your fever finally “breaks” but since the same thing happened again last night I have my doubts. Although, I guess technically since my fever “breaks” several times a day after freebasing large amounts of Ibuprofen I’ve been doing nothing but sweating profusely, judging people’s home buying choices and sleeping for about 24 hours now. It’s all kinds of sexy.

And I’d rather be at work. I still worked Monday and Tuesday even though I hardly have the energy to stand up and got a little too dizzy on the way home yesterday from not eating enough. Today I finally gave in and realized that if I didn’t give my body some time to heal this had the potential to NEVER END and I’d be stuck at home for DAYS ON END and there are not enough anti-psychotics in ALL THE WORLD to help me deal with that.

And now it’s time to sleep/sweat some more. On the couch this time because the sheets smell and I’m too tired to walk up there and change them right now and the couch is right here below my butt and all I’d really have to do is close my eyes and…