I don’t very often get hatemail so when I do get it I get kind of excited and giddy. Then I’m immediately let down as I go to read it and am smacked in the face by a level of TheStupid™ so extreme that it lingers in the air around me for a few days. Everybody gives me odd looks and strange sideways glances as my brain slowly starts to reboot after having to dumb itself down to understand what the fuck you people are trying to tell me.
Lately, my little gems have been coming in the form of comments on this post where I talk about what a royal asstard Kathy Lee Gifford is. Today after receiving one of the more laughable comments I decided to see just why in the hell people were finding that post to pollute with bad grammar and completely OFF THE FUCKING WALL opinions and I realize that it’s #3 on the third page of a google search for “Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb” and the #1 google search for “Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb dooce“.
ANYWAY! You can go to the original blog post to see the entire comment but i actually stopped reading and only got as far as the quoted bit you see below:
Hoda & Kathy Lee Gifford. I love your show what I can stand on this site, is critical, negative, opionate people. Your doing your show and you have a right to practice free speech. If someone doesn’t like your show, or feels your both negative, or one talks more then the other then: CHANGE THE CHANNEL…AND DON’T WATCH THEM ANYMORE. IN AMERICA WE HAVE CHOICE. SO WHEN YOU PIC UP THE REMOTE, ITS UP TO YOU THAT YOU WATCH. ANNA’S EMAIL…IS REALLY RUDE AND YOUR A DISGRACE..AND NEED TO GET A LIFE.
DID YOUR BRAIN JUST EXPLODE!?
Normally I just chuckle and move on with my day but there was a certain amount of judgmental hypocrisy that HAD TO BE ADDRESSED. Like, please don’t talk to me about the right to free speech as you are suppressing mine on MY OWN BLOG. They have a show where they are allowed to say whatever the hell they want, I have a site where I get to say whatever the hell I want. SIMPLE CONCEPT, RIGHT!?
1) I highly doubt that Hoda and Kathy read my site so you just wasted your time writing all that out.
2) It’s a BLOG, not an EMAIL. MY SITE. THAT I PAY FOR. WITH MY OWN MONEY. Therefore, it’s within my right of “free speech” to say what I choose, when I choose, how I choose, ON MY SITE. Hypocrisy: look it up.
3) I don’t normally watch the show. It’s painful to watch somebody as stupid as Kathy Lee try and interact with people, let alone hand out unsolicited advise, when she has less brain power than a retarded monkey.
4) I have a life. I write about it here on my blog that I pay for. You however, trolling google to look for sites to spam with your unbelievable rape of English grammar, writing out long comments to people who will never read them, are more likely to fall under the “get a life” insult tree.
Okay, a bit harsh but… *shrug* I’ve never been on to dumb stuff down, let alone sugar coat something so that your feelings don’t get hurt when I respond to your BITCH comment on MY SITE.
She emailed me back with what turned out to be the most fabulous heat mail I’ve ever received in my entire six years of blogging:
No…you got believe me.
1) I got better things to do with my money then to spend them on blogs…believe me.
2) You probally spend all day, and tons to money doing this. Wasting your brain away in front of a computer.
3) Your filled with hatred and bitterness..I actually feel sorry for ya.
4) If you didn’t like Kathy Lee then why did ya EVER, EVEN WATCH THE SHOW. WHO’S THE DUMMY NOW…U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) YOUR BLOCKED. I DON’T READ BLOGS AS A RULE, AND I DON’T SPEND MY LIFE, MY DAYS ON THE COMPUTER. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE, … AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON’T HAVE ONE.
6) YOUR A VIRUS…THIS WORLD OR THE INTERNET COULD DO WITHOUT.
7) FIND GOD, AND SEE A THERAPIST FOR THE HATERED AND BITTERNESS YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEART…!!
Most. Awesome. Hatemail. EVER.
I could go on and on about just how awesome it is, particularly #7 which was just, COMEDIC GOLD! There is nothing I love more than GodPeople telling me I need to find God in the midst of trying to insult me. Thank you, ma’am, for giving me one more bit of ammunition to use the next time I get the opportunity to blow holes into a religious “we are so righteous” debate.
1) And see, I have plenty of money to spend on stuff like websites. All $15 a year it costs to run Aflux. BIG MONEY!
2) Also, no, I don’t spend all day on the site. I haven’t posted in almost a month for Christ’s sake. Also, I work at a highly prestigious University Hospital, so I have better things to do during the day than troll and spam websites. You on the other hand should consider spending your days in front of the computer learning basic language skills. Such as the difference between your and you’re. People tend to take you much more seriously when you present an opinion that doesn’t sound like it came from a 14 year old hammered it out on a cell phone.
3) Filled to the brim, baby.
4) If you took the time to READ THE POST, you’d see I watched ONLY because I wanted to see Heather Armstrong interviewed.
5) You DO read blogs, you read MINE TODAY and then called it an EMAIL because you’re too much of a dumbass to know what the hell you’re looking at.
6) 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 01110011
7) God doesn’t exist, I have seen a therapist, and I like that hate and bitterness in my heart. It makes it easier to deal with weak minded God loving morons like you.
So I just want to give a big shout out to Lorraine Snow (email@example.com) for helping me break up was turning out to be a rather boring, hot Monday and giving me a good chuckle. You rock.
Title Quote: Mahatma Gandhi