I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Dear Wednesday,

Could we possible start all over again? Because so far, YOU SUCK!

Love always (except today),

Lets recap:

5:15AM: SHIT! LATE! Check calendar on iPhone while rubbing sleep from my eyes… so much to do today. Bother. Grab jeans, shirt, brush teeth while brushing hair, grab apple and banana, run for the door.

5:30AM: Stop! Run back upstairs and kiss Ben over and over and over and over and over to make up for not being able to for the next four days. He’s heading to Park City Utah for a ski trip with some buddies.

5:40AM: Stop for RedBull. Sugar free, natch. It’s a weakness. And it keeps me alive till about 8:00AM.

5:45AM: WHAT. THE. FUCK is with all the traffic? This is why I leave the house at 5:30! Oh, hey! 101 North is still closed 12 hours after the gas spill so every idiot driver heading into San Francisco is doing so ON MY FREEWAY. Joy.

6:05AM: Only five minutes late. Tell The Boss right away that I CAN NOT train people today like I have for the last two days because remember that report you gave me on Friday to have done today? Yeah, remember how you pawned off this training crap on me Monday and Tuesday? Well I haven’t touched that report, or my mail, or my email and I have about 1000 voids to process and 10,000 requests sitting on my desk waiting for a signature so they can be processed.

6:06AM: The Boss starts to shiver a little and tells me he will find somebody else to pawn training off on.

7:05AM: Ben messages me to asks if I have the receipt number for his dry cleaning. I took his ski pants in to be cleaned and mended and was supposed to pick them up yesterday (he’s leaving today) and completely spaced it so he had to go this morning. And it’s like, 100 feet from our front door so not that big a deal… as long as you have the damn receipt!

7:10AM: Return 15th previously ignored voice mail, put out 7th fire.

7:20AM: Ben calls, Cassidy is sick, complaining of a belly ache, running to bathroom, no fever. Tell him to let her stay home but have secret plan to call at 8:15 and seeing how she feels. I assume she’ll be fine because she has my belly and after 30 or so minutes and a bathroom trip she usually starts to feel better. I plan on telling her to get dressed and head to school. If not I’ll call the neighbor and she can hang there for the day. Glad I’m one up on the favor tree!

7:35AM: Ben calls. The cleaners hadn’t mended his pants yet and the girl wasn’t in yet. FIGURES! The guy pays BEN $20 even though he was only going to charge me $4.00 and sends him to a nearby shop where they can do it quickly. I feel like an asshole for not getting there yesterday.

7:50AM: Cassidy calls me. WHILE she is throwing up. I tell her to put the phone down and finish… She does. I tell her to go get some water, lay down, I’ll be home as quick as I can.

8:00AM: Quickly finish up what I was working on, delegate the 1000 things I had to do today to my co-workers, head home.

8:15AM: SO GLAD I’m heading the OPPOSITE direction as the traffic now. 280 and 85 are more backed up then I’ve ever seen them. Even the carpool lane isn’t moving.

8:25AM: Call Ben, the girl at the other place was able to mend his pants but she wasn’t happy with the job she did so basically doesn’t want to make him pay. He insists she takes the full $20.00 for doing it so quickly. Ben has the best Karma Rating in the world. Tell him one last time that I love him, have fun, don’t break anything, GO FORTH AND SKI!

8:30AM: Get home. Check on Cassidy who is like, “HI! I’M FINE AND CAN I GO TO SCHOOL!? BY THE WAY, I’M STARVING!”

8:31AM: Press fingers into ears to prevent steam from releasing.

8:32AM: Walk into bathroom to clean up toilet. Oh look, she threw up IN THE SINK. And there is all is! STILL THERE. IN THE SINK.

*deep breath*

And now I’ve been watching Disney Channel and Nickelodeon for the last 4 hours cuddled up with Cassidy on the couch. She’s not 100% but whatever it was seems to be subsiding. I, however, feel a little piece of my soul dies as each 30 minute block of crap kid show ends.

How is your Wednesday going? :mrgreen:

Does the noise in my head bother you?

Honestly? This is why I love this man so much. When I’m PMSing and I come across this thing that I think is SO GODDAMN AWESOME but will probably end up with me being shot at by a disgruntled asswad driver, he’s there to talk me down off that cliff.

Benjamin: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8e9a/
me: OMG!!! I WANT! I WANT!
me: I seriously want that.
Benjamin: Although its a funny idea, I still think that it might be a bad idea for you πŸ™‚
me: there are no cuss words!
And I bet my ‘smile’ to ‘idiot’ would be better than you think.
Like 3:1 at least.
And since I could actually SHOW the person what I’m thinking it would mean I’d be less likely to yell it at them when only you can Cassidy can hear it… because they’d KNOW. And that would be the ultimate satisfaction. No yelling necessary!
Are you serious though? I can’t have it?
Benjamin: I’m writing an email right now work related, I’m not even sure if its legal in CA
me: What if I promise not to use it while I’m PMSing?
Benjamin: is it legal in CA?
me: If it’s legal in CA can I get it?
Benjamin: its around the price point that you don’t need to ask, so I don’t know why you’re asking me
me: Because generally, with things like this, you are a better judge of good idea/bad idea.
Benjamin: bad idea
me: heheheheh
I love you. Even when you are trying to save me from myself. πŸ˜‰

A few minutes later:

me: hahaa I asked Claudia about it. I usually drive to lunch. Her answer: “As long as you never use it when I’m in the car with you!”

Like mother, like daughter.

Jenn tagged me! And normally, I don’t do the meme thing because I sit down and am FORCED to think of six things and, HI! Have you ever met me in real life? I have the attention span of a gnat. With ADHD. After a Starbucks Double Shot. Or five.

But I’m going to do it anyway because I love The Jenn*. πŸ˜‰

The Rules are:
Link to the person that tagged you
Post the rules on your blog
Share 6 non-important things/quirks about your kid
Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs
Let each person know theyÒ€ℒve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
Let the fun begin!

1) I’m stealing Jenn’s first because it’s true for Cassidy too. She loves veggies! And broccoli is her favorite! She’s actually asked, all on her own, to substitute fries for broccoli at restaurants. And every time I blurt out ‘IT WAS HER IDEA’ to the waitress because I don’t want people to think I’m some nazi parent that forces her kid to eat veggies. You know, like, RESPONSIBLE and stuff! *shudder*

2) Cassidy has a crazy imagination. You can hand her a gum wrapper and she’ll adopt it, build it a house, name it and have it’s entire life story planned out before the gum loses flavor.

3) She is hungry ALL. THE. TIME. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, she’s down to eat. My mom swears I was the same way at this age and now I understand all the “hollow leg” jokes because WHERE IS ALL THAT FOOD GOING?! She’s still under on the weight charts but over on the height charts for the kids her age. From what I understand of the family history, the leg fills to capacity at around 18 and the food starts to fill in the ass region… and never stops.

4) She LOVES the Food Network and to cook. I really need to start cooking at home more to encourage this passion. Actually, that’s a really good idea because if she really likes it and gets good at it she can cook us dinner every night! Yeah, definitely on to something there.

5) She snores and talks in her sleep. The talking in her sleep thing can get rather entertaining.

6) She is really compassionate. Most kids complain when they have to go though toys or cloths to give them away and she will fill up garbage bags full of stuff to give. She will give a kid all her money without a second thought and she wants to be friends with EVERYBODY. The whole friend today, not tomorrow 4th grade girl drama is tough on her because she has a really big heart that gets bruised easily. I can’t count the number of times she’s said, “I don’t understand why we can’t ALL be friends.” She’s had two groups turn on her at once because she refused to pick sides in some petty fight. Right now it’s not a big deal because at this age they seem to forget the petty fights in a day or two but I’m worried about what will happen in high school when the petty fights are lead but catty, vindictive, hormone driven Mean Girls.

*I linked you TWICE! SEO optimization FTW! I’m totally whoring out the page rank right now. Anybody else need a link?! πŸ˜›

You’re never too old to become younger.

While putting the lid back on a Tabasco bottle:

Cassidy: Is Tabasco a drug?
Me: Uhhhh, no.
Cassidy: But on the back of my book it said ‘Tabasco, alcohol and…’
Me and Ben: *laughing hysterically*
Cassidy: What?!
Me: TOBACCO. Tobacco is what’s in cigarettes. Tabasco is made with pepper, vinegar and salt and makes your eggs taste better.
Cassidy: Ohhhhhh…

When dropping off clothes at her friends so she could spend the night:

Me: Call me in the morning.
Cassidy: I’ll call you when I’m ready to leave.
Me: No. Call me in the morning.
Cassidy: Can I call you when I’m ready to leave?
Me: We can discuss it when you CALL ME IN THE MORNING.
Cassidy: OKAY!

The kid keeps me on my toes for sure. She’s growing into such a cute little bundle of RIDICULOUS ATTITUDE. But some of the things she does, like that conversation at her friend’s house, still make me giggle like I’m nine years old all over again. Of course, I don’t let her see me giggle. That would be admitting defeat and she can’t see that. She has to see me being the cold hearted, uncaring, ruthless MOTHER.

Plus, I make up for the attitude by embarrassing the piss out of her in public. Having no shame is finally beginning to pay off!

Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

Yesterday Cassidy and I took turns playing Guitar Hero III all day long. Then today she went to her friend’s house (and ended up spending the night) while I did laundry, played a little WOW and went to see Charlie Wilson’s War with Lisa.

And then tonight I came home and found out that Amy died. I’ve read her blog on and off for quite some time and she was a pretty active member of a message board that I frequent. This is the first time that somebody from an online circle has passed away and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

I read back through her archives, and look through her flickr and it’s just… surreal. This person that was so upbeat and young and expecting her first child is just… gone. And what we have left of her are these blog posts and pictures and forum posts chronicling her life.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character to be understanding and forgiving.

So it has come to my attention that while I’ve been in internet hybernation that the world has continued to revolve around me and there’s so much to talk about “there’s no excuse to not be posting more than I am.”


I’d like to point out that I’ve been pretty active over on flickr. My 365 attempt has been a BIG SUCCESS so far. And by that I mean, I HAVEN’T FAILED! Yet. Yesterday marked my 49th day which means I’ve officially made it farther than any other attempt. This time I let go of the ridiculous notion that all of my pictures are going to be fabulous and planned and brilliantly photoshopped into perfection. And it’s odd because now that I’m not constantly stressed out about getting a shot up, the days that I do take the time to set them up and then photoshop the hell out of them they are coming out pretty damn well! Some of my most favorite self portraits to date, actually. Here’s a few that I’ve loved so far:

033/365 - Finding my place 043/365 - Bad Hair Day

039/365 - Gagged. 014/365 - Smells like...

010/365 - Etsy owns my soul 049/365 - GH:III

THERE! I’m done whoring myself. For now!

Lets see, what else is going on? Okay, I’ll start with this. I was temporarily pissed off at the internet. I lost a few (what I thought were) good friends over a message board around the end of November and I was just kind of like BLAH. And it was one of those things I really wanted to write about to “let it all out” but I know that it will just create more waves and it’s not really worth it. I never thought that by closing down a message board, so many people would turn into complete idiots and OMGHATE ME FOREVER(exclamation point). And to them I can just say: WHAT. EV. ER. If your way of getting over it is to have to kiss the ass of people that you claimed to hate and treated like shit for over two years so be it. I’m glad I finally found out your true character, which is “two face and spineless” and I’ll leave you with this:

You are a lemming. Enjoy the jump, it’s a long way down.


Moving along!

I’m starting a “raw diet” today. Another reason I haven’t been around much is that I’ve been feeling like complete crap. Literally. Everything I eat is being ejected from my stomach in a foul manor. EVERYTHING. I eat plain white rice and suddenly I’m in pain and can’t get more than 100 feet from a toilet without panicking. I’ve done a lot of reading online the last few days and I’m thinking if I can get my body to detox it might help. I’m a little worried about protein intake though so while I might not stick to it as stringently as some people, if I do eat meat it won’t be blue cheese encrusted and doused in butter… sadly. πŸ™

And lastly! I’ll really try and make a more solid effort to blog more. I have still been reading your blogs (Google Reader = *heart*) daily and need to get back into the swing of things around here.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Oh, the New Year, it as come at last. Except not at last, more like: ALREADY?! Is it just me or do the years get shorter as you grow older? It’s really like an odd Vortex of Time. The days seemed to fly by when I was walking the halls of Garces while the years seemed to drag on forever, but now the days drag on while I sit at work bored blogging but the year seems to pass by in a few blinks.

I know I said before that I would blog and list some resolutions but, yeah, I totally failed the only resolution I made this year the second day of the new year. Which is actually one day longer than I made it last year so, YAY? I plan on getting back on track with that but since I feel like not making myself feel like an Epic Failure at the end of 2008, I’ve decided to list a few things that I’d more call “goals” than “resolutions”. Meaning if I don’t get them accomplished I’ll just be “lazy” instead of a “failure”. Ahh, wonderful semantics.

Goal 1) Grow enough back bone to start taking some real street photography shots. When I look through photostreams all over the internet, I’m always drawn to these little moments in time perfectly captured forever in a single frame. They are so much more “real” than posed shots. The problem is managing to get a shot without GETTING shot. By like, a gun or something. While I have no problem pointing the lens at my family and friends obsessively, I’m not quite to the point where I feel comfortable doing it to random people on street corners. I think that a better zoom lens would help this but until I feel like shelling out that cash, I need to become comfortable doing it with the equipment I have.

Goal 2) Start to explore some of the fantastic culture around me. We live 5 minutes from Downtown San Jose but I actually WENT downtown exactly three times last year and I only drove one of them. I *hate* driving downtown. It’s all full of one way streets that are narrow and the sidewalks are at street level and some of them are ‘bus only’ and some of them have the light rails like, ON the sidewalks and it’s just NERVE WRACKING.

But, I just need to get the fuck over it. My first adventure will be to the The Tech museum this weekend.

Goal 3) Take a class. I haven’t decided yet between English or Photography but I’m leaning towards English. And I don’t want to do it online because I’m too easily distracted. I want to sit in a classroom with other students in front of an actual teacher that keeps me on my toes.

Goal 4) Get my car on the track. This is big step for me and just typing it out actually makes me heart race and my palms get sweaty but it’s something I want to experience. Ben has done SO MANY of the things that I want to do and doing something with him that he is so passionate about is important to me.

Goal 5) Get in a LEAST a blog a week. heh

Goal 6) FINALLY finish 365!

So there ya go. I really hope that so far 2008 is treating you all well!

Finding my place.

So as part of my 365 challenge, I’ve joined a group called 30 secrets in 30 days and I think it’s kind of a cool idea so I’ve decided to cross post some of the submissions here.

Here is secret #2:

033/365 - Finding my place

I’ve struggled for a long time to “find my place” in life. I am a complete tomboy. I love autorcrossing, having a bad ass car to drive, change my own oil and can put my spare on my car in less than 15 minutes. And I’m a total geek. I’ve been going to LAN parties full of smelly boys since I was a teenager and actually lied to my girlfriends about where I was going to avoid the comments. I still play MMORPG’s but FPS’s will always be my first love. I usually code my own websites and am a complete photography and Photoshop geek. But I’m also a shoe-aholic. Those brown Steve Madden shoes are at least 10 years old and that bag of MAC is from last weekend. I’m a closet girly girl.

The problem is that I’ve never been welcomed completely by any group. The girly girls get very pissy about the fact that I can hold my own in my car and don’t have any problem talking “shop” with the boys. Even though it’s never been about getting attention, that’s the card they always throw out there. And the boys can’t ever seem to fully look past the boobs. And the geeks don’t get the makeup, shoes and car talk.

On top of all this I’m a MOMMY. I had two more arms, one with a book and the other with a bunch of Cassidy’s mismatched socks but the layers on this thing were getting to be a little too much to deal with so I left it at 6. Cassidy takes up the majority of my time but I thought that this should be more about ME and MY identity.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fit into any mold and I think it’s stupid that people can’t look past one aspect to fully embrace the other. The only person that’s ever looked at and loved and valued every different aspect is Ben. He gives me hope that someday more people will follow his lead.