I wasn’t talking about your anus.

Very shortly after I posted the blog last night we were in the kitchen:

Ben: Can we recycle these?
Me: I don’t think you can recycle light bulbs.
Ben: They’re just glass and metal.
Me: I’m pretty sure I looked it up before and you aren’t supposed to.
Ben: Is there some kind of dangerous gas in them or something?
Me: Yes, they are filled with deadly gas. It will kill you.
Ben: I wasn’t talking about your anus.
Me: …

Another conversation happened at breakfast but I can’t remember what it was. I do, however, remember threatening to start posting all of these little exchanges online for the world to harshly judge us. He just laughed and acted like he was okay with it.


Living with me is it’s own kind of fantastic torture.

Over breakfast this morning:

Ben: Will you help me wash my car today?
Me: *horrified face*
Ben: I just need you to wash the rims, I’ll do the rest.
Me: What’s it worth to you?
Ben: Selling my car.
Me: That benefits YOU, not ME!
Ben: It will be more money for you to buy things!
Me: …
Ben: What will it take?
Me: A good kiss at a time of my choosing.
Ben: Your choosing can not fall between the hours of midnight and 5:00AM.
Me: Deal.

What’s funny is as we got up from the table I said, “I want the kiss now” and he leaned in to kiss me! A GOOD KISS! In the middle of a busy restaurant! I laughed and walked away but after every kiss today I keep having to establish that that was not The Kiss.

Sometime this afternoon while at my computer:

Me: I’m going to go to Target to get a duvet cover now.
Ben: Okay.
Me: Do you care what I get?
Ben: No.
Me: What about this one?
Ben: No.
Me: What about this one?
Ben: *horrified face*
Me: What!?
Ben: Pick one you think we’d both like.
Me: But I don’t care what you like.
Ben: …

When I got back from Target, with no duvet cover:

Me: But look at these cute skirts I got! They were only $20 and buy one get one half off!
Ben: How much did you end up spending?
Me: Around $100.00?
Ben: *I can see him doing the math in his head* Uhhh…
Me: Well, I mean, I got other stuff too that we NEED. Like cat food!
Ben: What else did you get that we NEED?
Me: Candles?
Ben: How much did the stuff cost that we NEED?
Me: $100.00?
Ben: Honey!?
Me: This is exactly why women don’t tell their husbands what they buy when they shop.
Ben: …
Me: *quickly walks away*

While laying in bed discussing tomorrow’s plans:

Me: So. Tiling tomorrow?
Ben: Yep. Want to get up early?
Me: Define early.
Ben: You define it.
Me: Lets eat breakfast at 9:00 and then start tiling right after?
Ben: So, EATING at 9:00?
Me: Yes.
Ben: Okay. (He totally does not believe this is going to happen.)
Me: I just need you to wake me up at 8:30.
Ben: Set an alarm.
Me: NO! Alarms are so harsh and mean.
Ben: There is no way I could ever wake you up without you being a…
Me: NO! Just say “Good morning, you look so beautiful this morning. Time to get up and…”
Ben: Aaaaaaand, switch flipped.

Living with me is it’s own kind of fantastic torture.