Keek is everything that is wrong with allowing fools on social media.

So, recently a few of the celebrities I stalk follow have started using this app called Keek. Think Instagram but with short videos. So far I’ve seen a Teen Mom star, every single Kardashian spawn, Snooki and JWOWW[1. Okay, so I used to HATE these two. I watched like 2 episodes of Jersey Shore and started thinking that it might be a service to humanity to napalm the entire coast of New Jersey. Then I watched thier spin off and… I kind of love them. Pregnant Snookie was just the right amount of clueless but adorable and really in love with her little Guido to be and JWOWW, despite the ridiculous need to CLOSE HER MOUTH WHEN SHE CHEWS is really funny and is great about lauging at herself. Her relationship with her fiance reminds me a lot of mine and Ben’s. TL:DR TOTES LOVE THEM] post tweets and/or screenshots on Instagram of their Keek accounts.

I kind of wrote it off as Keek trying to hype it’s service. I assumed that these folks were probably being paid to pimp the service, which I get. Make your money, yo. But then I started seeing more and more people post tweets about it and also Instagram screenshots so I checked it out.

Okay, let me be completely honest. I have absolutely no plan at this point on using the service but when I see any new service like this I grab the username Antigone as soon as possible. I get annoyed when somebody else gets there first because I’ve been using the name online for FIFTEEN YEARS so technically, it should be reserved for me anyway.

So I signed up and grabbed my username, browsed a bit, followed some people and closed the app. I started getting notifications on my iPhone IMMEDIATELY so turned off all that business but the emails were already hitting my inbox too. I had just been deleteing them as they came in but then saw one titled “Get Your Account Verified” so I checked it out to make sure that I hadn’t missed a step in the sign up process and this is what it said:

The Keek community is growing rapidly with millions of people signing up monthly. Keek account verification is used to authenticate the identity of users. The verified icon helps establish trust and makes it easier for users to find you and your content.

1. Post at least one keek to the account you want to verify.

2. Take a screenshot of your Keek profile and post it to your official Twitter, Facebook and/or Instagram accounts with this verification message:

Copy text below:
Go download the Keek app and subscribe to me! My username is antigone

3. Email us at and include your Keek username along with links to the verification message posted on each of your official accounts.

• You don’t need all of the above accounts to be verified but your chances increase if you post the verification message to all official accounts you own
• Active Keek accounts with engaged followers and subscribers increase your chances of verification

Keek manually reviews all submissions and does not guarantee verification for any account.

And I was like YEAAAHHH. Hello spam! Post screenshots of us all over the place (FREE ADVERTISING!) and MAYBE at SOME POINT we’ll “verify” your account. Hey Keek, guess how I’ll verify that I am who I say I am, BY POSTING A VIDEO OF MYSELF FLIPPING YOU THE BIRD!

So I realized that the reason all those celebs were doing this was because branding is a big deal. Social Media is the best thing to happen to celebrities in a LONG time (obviously talking about celebs that choose to not be as private) and they want that verification so they fell into this trap. But for everybody else, this is Keek just cleverly using social media and the kind of idiots that like stupid shit on Facebook spam pages to garner themselves a TON of free advertising.

Seriously, just look at a search on twitter for “Go download the Keek app and subscribe to me! My username is”:


Why in the hell does _becky_w or royaaal_ need a verified account? Other than Keek’s want for them to make sure all their twitter, Facebook and Instagram followers know the app exists. Now MOST PEOPLE will open this email and realize this right away. But the same people that like photos to prevent cancer on Facebook will do this verify BS and pollute the internet with an app that SHOULD do what every other decent app does and know that if you build an excellent app, people will promote it all on their own and it will grow and thrive and become The Next Big Thing.

And I know this isn’t a BIG DEAL. It’s not even a Big Deal. But I hate that this is the direction the internet is going and I really wish all these young ignorant whippersnapper would get off my goddamn lawn.

Reasons to have offspring. #1

I think I’ll make this a weekly thing for all you parents out there that, like me, sometimes wonder why in the heck you decided to do this in the first place.

1) Halloween Candy!

When they’re young it’s: I’m just going to test some of these to make sure they’re safe.

When they’re a bit older it’s: Time for bed! Leave the candy down here in my lap so I can protect it! What? I have no idea why all the Starburst are gone!

When they’re teenagers it’s: Let me explain the concept of rent to you.