I know those sounds kind of braggy (because I am totally bragging) but I make CUTE OFFSPRING. Are you allowed to call a tween cute?
TOTAL TANGENT ALERT: For a few years now I’ve been calling her The Tween, formerly The Princess, sometimes still The Brat. But in a week she is going to be an ACTUAL TEEN. Minus the W. Plus LOTS AND LOTS OF GRAY HAIR. AND CAPSLOCK. HELP!
Anyway, for the last few years we’ve been getting Cassidy’s eyes checked the week before her birthday and every year it’s the same. “Congrats! You have 20/20 vision! You didn’t inherit your mother’s awesomely bad eyesight! That’ll be $20.00, have a good year!”
Then this year I went in expecting to get the same news, pay my $20.00 and get out of there fast enough to run my car though the drive through car wash. I love the drive though car wash. CHEAP FUN!
Instead it went something like this: “Congrats! You have 20/20 vision! You didn’t inherit your mother’s awesomely bad eyesight! Although you do have an astigmatism and that’s why your mom has been telling you for a year that your 0’s look like 6’s and doesn’t SHE feel like an asshole for not realizing it and making you redo your problems all those times because they looked WRONG to her but RIGHT to you. That’ll be $100.00! Have a nice year!”
Cassidy has really started to form a… unique sense of style. Basically, the less that matches the better. It’s endearing and sometimes blinding with the BRIGHT COLORS. Above all, she does NOT WEAR PINK. The glasses I bought last week, BRIGHT PINK Juicy Couture. I pointed them out to her today and she did the finger-down-the-throat gagging motion.
So I know right away that:
1) Her glasses would be blue.
2) I was going to hand her as many pink pair to try on as possible to see how many different ways she could demonstrate to the room how much disdain she possessed for her horrible mother.
At one point the lady helping us pulled me aside.
Lady: I don’t think she LIKES pink.
Me: Oh, yeah I know, she HATES pink.
10 seconds later.
Me: TRY THESE REALLY CUTE PINK ONES!!
Cassidy: *death glare*
Me: I love you.
Cassidy: I hate you.
Me: Awwwwwwwwww! *hugs her*
She ended up getting these adorable blue and black Candies frames with little flowers on the side with rhinestones in the center. But only because she couldn’t find a decent pair of “Urkel glasses”.
When we were leaving she had a big grin on her face.
Me: Your glasses are really cute.
Cassidy: Thanks! I really like them.
Me: I’m glad.
Cassidy: Thanks, mom.
Me: You’re welcome.
Cassidy: I don’t hate you.
Me: I know.
Cassidy: Most of the time.
You guys, this kid.
I love her so much.
Most of the time.