Ben and I might be a little competitive. It’s mostly fun and light-hearted but you can bet your ass if we pay mini gold, SOMETHING IS ON THE LINE. Pride, sure, but BRAGGING RIGHTS. And the right to say I am #WINNING. Never underestimate the power of the #WINNING. The #WINNING can carry you through days, weeks… MONTHS.
Ben: I’m pretty sure I’m right about this.
Me: I AM THE MINI GOLF WINNER!
He’s blogged three times this week. THREE DAYS IN A ROW. Ben is #WINNING at blogging. (Although I’d just like to point out that I attempted the August 30 Day Photo Challenge last month and blogged 15 days in a row so I still have the #WINNING streak. Yes, I realize I didn’t finish the challenge. I even win at losing).
Did you know that I have a birthday coming up? I DO! It’s Saturday. I like lilies, chocolate and cash deposited into my Paypal account. And pie. Lots and lots of pie. Just in case you were wondering.
So about a month ago I got a notice in the mail that I’d need to take the written driving test to renew my license this year by my birthday when it would expire. A month ago. I took the test today.
And let me tell you why. So far, I have always been able to use my driving test SIXTEEN YEARS AGO as the #WINNING. See, I scored a 98% on my test and Ben scored a 92%. So even though TECHNICALLY he can drive circles around me in his sleep while blind folded with one hand tied behind is back, I am still #WINNING. ON PAPER. Just because he can make me hurl in less than 5 laps on the race track and has made me pee myself a little on back roads drives, ON PAPER I am a better driver. There is actual PROOF.
So now I have to take this test and the #WINNING is on the line an I am nervous. Guys, I can not lose this. I NEED this. If I lose this I lose EVERYTHING. This is the ultimate #WINNING. I might as well just tattoo a big fat L on my forehead and resign myself forever to the fact that I no longer have this high ground with which to cast judgement.
I NEED MY HIGH GROUND.
So today is the day. I can’t put this off any longer. I have to take this test. And I have to pass. And not only do I need to pass, I need to pass with a #WINNING score. It’s go big or go home.
So I spend about two hours today taking practice tests and reading through the handbook and retaking the practice test and grilling my little brother who just had to take the test three times before he passed the other day and the whole way home I’m reminding myself 100 feet, 15MPH, right-of-way hierarchy, max BAC levels, I’VE GOT THIS!
So I get to the DMV and I pay my $31 (RIPOFF!), I get my thumbprint, I get my test, I walk to the table, I pick up my pen and…
BLANK! MY MIND IS BLANK! DO YOU STOP ON GREEN AND GO ON RED? RED IS THE PRETTIER COLOR! LETS GO ON RED! YEAH!
And I can see my high ground start to quake and flatten and I AM GOING TO BE #LOSING!
And then I remembered Ben’s recent calm. Told myself to snap the fuck out of it and… did.
So I take the test to the desk, hand it to the lady, she walks over and checks it, walks back and starts typing on her computer without a word.
Me: Did… I pass?
Me: YES! *fist pump*
Her: *blank stare*
Me: How many did I miss?
Me: YES! BAM!
Her: *blank stare*
Me: Sorry, I just totally needed this. I have to beat my husband at the driving test scores.
Guy behind me: *snicker*
Me: We’re just, we’re competitive. Well, I’m more competitive than he his. Really he’s not competitive, it’s just me. I just need to beat him. Because of the high ground.
Her: Can you please stand behind the red line and smile?
Me: SURE! BECAUSE I’M #WINNING!
Her: Now, please?
Me: So, I get to keep the test right?
Her: *sigh* Yes.
Her: You can go now. You’re done.
She must not be married. Or slightly insane.