So I have put off writing about this for over two weeks because as soon as you mention the most trivial TMI/personal info situation on the internet not only do you get a bunch of fun hate mail, blog posts written about you and 5,978 new links to your site.. but who wants to read about poop? If you make it to the next paragraph, I’ll assume that YOU DO. So when you try to point that snarky finger at me, I’ll just remind you of that. You totally WANTED to read about poop.
I figure that 99.9% of my family members have made it to this paragraph because if there’s one thing us Reids are good at, it’s talking about poop. I don’t think I’ve ever attended a family function where the frequency, consistency or peculiar potent nature of another’s butt bombs have NOT come up. It took me almost four hours of the first 8 hour car drive to my dad’s house to somehow work it gracefully into conversation to warn Ben before we got there.
Ben: So then I said, “Sure, I’d love some more iced tea and…”
Me: My family talks about poop!
Me: My family. Sometimes they DO THINGS. Like fart. At the dinner table. And then somebody brings it up. Poop.
Ben: At the dinner table?
Me: Just seriously, if my dad asks you to pull his finger, don’t. Okay?
Ben: I don’t see your dad doing that.
Me: Yeah… Just, I warned you.
It took two days. Almost. While making breakfast on the second day we were there, while Ben watched my dad make his spectacular rosemary potatoes he leaned over, looked at me very seriously and said it:
Dad: Pull my finger.
Dad: Too late!
Me: *looks at Ben* I’m so sorry.
So whatever. Everybody Poops. I’ve had this sinus headache for a solid week now. It started last Monday. I’m four days into a 10 day cycle of Amoxacylin (which my mom freaked out about… “CIPRO! I told you to get CIPRO!”) and I still have this problem. Every time I have a solid bowel movement, I get this EXCRUCIATING pain in my sinus cavity. Like, drop me to the floor, tears in the eyes, moaning, almost throwing up kinda pain.
WebMD was really helpful and told me that I have brain tumors. YAY! I mean, it would explain a lot. Like my obsessive compulsion to have all the cans in the pantry rowed up and facing out and organized into food groups. And why I like the color pink so much. And why think the sunflower in the front yard is stalking me.
Seriously though, I’ve never had this problem before. But I’ve never had a sinus infection before either. Is this a normal occurrence for them? I’ve not been able to turn up much on google other than the fatalistic WebMD search. I’m hoping somebody out there says that, yes you fool, it’s normal and it will go away and you’ll look back on this in a week after having received the 17th hate mail letter telling you what whack jobs your family are and laugh about your poop issue.
If nothing else, at least I’ll have an interesting story to share at the next family gathering.