Finding my place.

So as part of my 365 challenge, I’ve joined a group called 30 secrets in 30 days and I think it’s kind of a cool idea so I’ve decided to cross post some of the submissions here.

Here is secret #2:

033/365 - Finding my place

I’ve struggled for a long time to “find my place” in life. I am a complete tomboy. I love autorcrossing, having a bad ass car to drive, change my own oil and can put my spare on my car in less than 15 minutes. And I’m a total geek. I’ve been going to LAN parties full of smelly boys since I was a teenager and actually lied to my girlfriends about where I was going to avoid the comments. I still play MMORPG’s but FPS’s will always be my first love. I usually code my own websites and am a complete photography and Photoshop geek. But I’m also a shoe-aholic. Those brown Steve Madden shoes are at least 10 years old and that bag of MAC is from last weekend. I’m a closet girly girl.

The problem is that I’ve never been welcomed completely by any group. The girly girls get very pissy about the fact that I can hold my own in my car and don’t have any problem talking “shop” with the boys. Even though it’s never been about getting attention, that’s the card they always throw out there. And the boys can’t ever seem to fully look past the boobs. And the geeks don’t get the makeup, shoes and car talk.

On top of all this I’m a MOMMY. I had two more arms, one with a book and the other with a bunch of Cassidy’s mismatched socks but the layers on this thing were getting to be a little too much to deal with so I left it at 6. Cassidy takes up the majority of my time but I thought that this should be more about ME and MY identity.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fit into any mold and I think it’s stupid that people can’t look past one aspect to fully embrace the other. The only person that’s ever looked at and loved and valued every different aspect is Ben. He gives me hope that someday more people will follow his lead.

10 thoughts on “Finding my place.

  1. I think it’s great that you’re in touch with every side of you because it’s good to be versatile, you don’t NEED to fit into the typical mold of anyone but yourself.

  2. Why label yourself then, if you’re that multi-faceted. The people who label themselves as geeks, car fanatics, etc… they’re all one-sided people and that’s why they “fit” into a category. Break free of the labels, you should have left them behind in high school.

  3. I don’t want a “label”. I just want the each group to accept the fact that I have OTHER interests too. It’s okay for me to work on my car one day and spend the next shopping for shoes and then the next playing WOW with Ben. And if I don’t want to go shopping with my girls because I’m geeking out in Photoshop, I want them to understand that it should be OKAY for me to do that. And that applies to the rest of the groups also.

    I was really similar to this in high school. Although I had my “core” group of friends, I had fun partying with a lot of different people and never really considered myself as part of any one clique. And funny enough, when I was in high school there seemed to be much less judgement for that…

  4. hehe MOST do, geeks especially. The car guys either love it or are somehow threatened by it. At my first autocross I had some dumbass boys ask me what my times where and then stood there all dumbfounded by that fact that I was about .25 seconds off their times… BECAUSE I WAS A GIRL. If I had a penis, the reaction or the way the question was asked would NOT have been the same.

    Boy: So, FastGirl (yes, he actually called me that), what’s your best time?
    Me: *time*
    Boy: Oh, really? Wow. That’s… that’s good.
    Me: What about you?
    Boy: *time*
    Me: Oh really, that’s GOOD.
    Boy 2: That’s actually really good for… uhhhh… your first time!

    I know that “for a girl” was about to come out of his mouth but he managed to catch it and play it off.

    Geeks are a lot more accepting. I havn’t had the “OMG! A GIRL GAMING!” comments for years since it’s much more common these days. Now it’s just, “HEY! A new guildie! Sweet! Armor up and lets play!”

    Geek boys RULE! 😉

  5. Sometimes, sticking out is where you find your place the most… but I understand where you are coming from. I uphold my morals and sometimes it clashes with the “groups” that I’m in. You’re very unique in your own way, you should be proud of it. Find friends are hard like finding siblings. When you find yours, I hope you’ll be able to keep them by your side ^_^

  6. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of hobbies. I guess sometimes it’s necessary to focus more on one of them, though. I understand that can be difficult.

    That is an awesome picture, by the way.

  7. I love how you made the picture. Very nicely done, seems to resemble some of those well known Buddha-ish images. It’s cool.

    It’s nice to have tons of hobbies that are quite different from each other. Although it keeps you from actually belonging to one group, it also makes you very unique and outstanding, which is cool.

  8. I love how you did the picture! I have a lot of different hobbies, too… My husband makes fun of me. I think it’s good, though. I get bored doing the same things all the time.

    BTW, I found your blog through Caitlin @, and it’s a very entertaining read! 🙂

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