In 140 (plus possibly 673 more) characters or less.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should tweet that” only to find that it’s just not possible to get your iFriends to fully appreciate the awesomeness of trying to explain to your daughter just how NOT OKAY it is to tell somebody they have fat feet?

Well, I do. Like, all the time. Seriously.

And I always think to myself that HELLO!! BLOG!! But then I start to wonder if posting crazy stuff in little bursts like that will fill up your Google feedreader (all 38 of you!) and risk you hitting that unsubscribe button. The problem is that I just don’t have it in me right now to sit and really write.

Truth: I’m stressed the fuck out.

Ben still hasn’t found a new job. We all need summer clothes but I keep thinking we can wear these jeans just a bit longer. Do I really want to spend THAT MUCH MONEY on razors?! Especially if nobody can see my legs because I never wear shorts because I only have two pair that I can wear. I want to sign Cassidy up for some kind of summer camp but with Ben here, it’s seems silly to spend money on something like that when he’s here to keep her busy. I really want a new iPhone, mine is on it’s last legs but I’m not about to blow $199 on a new phone when I think of all the other things we need. I had the idea to sell a purse and some makeup to cover the cost of the phone but if I sell that stuff there are so many other things that money could go towards and iPhone isn’t at the top of the list, things like summer clothes still are. It’s not that we CAN’T go out and buy these things, it’s not that bad, it’s just getting over the mental hurdle of buying anything we don’t ABSOLUTELY NEED until Ben finds work.

I’ve been taking on a lot of extra responsibility at work which is great because I’ve basically injected myself into the new system we are about to roll out so I’ve got job security. But. It also means more work, added stress and having to deal with more people. Also, not having time to blog from work.

And I hate to lay this onto Ben. I know that he’s equally as stressed out as I am and what words can he offer me? We’re in this together. It’s not something where one of us can look in from the outside, sheltered and unaffected, to give comfort to the other. We are both suffering. And as much as we’ve both tried to not let it effect us, it has. I’m sure that he’s SO READY to be out of this house and back into the workforce that it’s frustrating for him. Add that to me being completely stressed out and it’s naturally led to some tension at home which means; more stress.

Then one of the hardest things for me, the one I constantly have to tell myself to not dwell on, is that I really hoped this year would be the one where we’d start trying to grow the family and, obviously, we aren’t about to go down that road when we aren’t financially stable. The hardest part is watching people all around me get pregnant. There are TWO girls out of the 8 on my team at work that are expecting, too many online friends to count have suddenly all started popping up pregnant or about to deliver or have newborns, then family members… It’s SO hard to sit back and read/watch that. I am honestly so happy and beyond thrilled for all of these awesome girls and families but hearing about it is so bitter sweet. Sometimes if feels like 97% bitter and 3% sweet. Something I try not to dwell on but tell that to my uterus and that stupid clock ticking so hard it’s like an entire drumline has taken up residence in my cerebral cortex and boy are they throwing one hell of a kegger.

*deep breath*

So yeah, I tend to stop blogging when I start to feel this way because as much as I try to not let my mood effect my writing THAT MUCH, it does and I can’t control that.

SO ANYWAY! I’ve decided that it’s kind of silly to let aflux just sit here and rot, right? There are awesome resources out there like the WordPress iPhone app so I can publish those moments on the go. The good ones. The ones that make me smile and forget the stress and help the day pass by. The ones I hope to start documenting so that I can look back at the end of the day and smile and say, hey! Things aren’t THAT BAD! Cassidy thinks I have some pretty PHAT feet!

10 thoughts on “In 140 (plus possibly 673 more) characters or less.

  1. I don’t think blogs have to be rainbows and butterflies all the time and sometimes you need to vent. GO FOR IT. It helps sometimes, believe it or not.

    I really hope Ben can find a job soon. Finances stress people out so much and it causes lots of issues in every way of life. :-\

  2. I know all too well about the job finding stress. Bill has been looking for work for literal months and just can’t find anything. We have a couple hopeful things though that we’re hoping pan out. the economy just sucks so bad right now :(. I know too the baby urges. It’s especially bad for me since I don’t even have a child yet. All I want right now is to find out I’m pregnant, despite it not being good timing but I have to keep beating my maternal clock into submission with my brain. It’s not a fun battle at all :(. I hope things look up for you guys soon.

  3. It’s your blog and people don’t need to read it if they don’t like what you have to say. Writing can be cathartic. Use it to vent your feelings, it may reduce the effects of the stress.

    Hang in there, things will turn around.

  4. Ha, I always feel that way. Fortunately, I do get the time to blog a lot and it really helps me relieve my stress. Your blog is here for that reason – to vent or just talk about nothing and write whatever you want! I personally love when you write, even when it’s two sentences. You won’t get an unsubscribe from me!

    I hope things get better for you.

  5. I’m totally in the same boat as far as finances go. We’re both pretty secure in our jobs (as far as we know!), but with prices going up on like, everything, it’s so easy for me to get into that mindset of “well, we don’t REALLY NEED that, do we?” And thus, I begin to get stressed over money, which spills over into mine and Josh’s relationship (he says not to worry about money, we’re doing fine), then I disagree, we get heated and…well, it’s pretty much a vicious cycle.

    Since blogging is a big stress reliever of mine, I’ve been trying to focus on good things and blog more. Keyword: TRYING. You should try to do the same. 🙂

  6. Feel free to post blurbs if that’s what works for you. I always enjoy seeing you pop up in my reader.

    You are in good company as far as financial WTF is going, so if you start going off the deep end about it, I’m sure most of us will just smile and nod because we’re looking at our check registers in Google Docs and thinking the same thing.

    And I used to avoid little bitch fests on my own blog, or leave them as drafts, but it has really felt good the past couple of days. Very cathartic.

    Anyway, here is a hug. It has to get better soon, eh?

  7. I know what you mean. Especially about the baby thing. My heart is crying out for another baby right now and there is nothing I can do about it. Alex doesn’t even live with me right now and we’re both out of work. I just wish something would happen to give us both a break so maybe he could move back and maybe we could think about a baby. I hope things look up for you soon too.

  8. Blog what you want. It’s yours, you pay the bills here. Plus, lots of us love reading your updates on life, lovely and not so rainbows and kitties.

    On the flip side I feel for you. I can’t imagine how you two feel being that you just got the house, were going to try, and the line of work Ben is in. BUT!!! You are both pretty awesome so I know it’s going to work out for you sooner or later, even if that feels like a lifetime from now.

    I feel your pain on the not being the right time to add to the family, but can’t get it off your mind. I’m so sick of Podunk and the lack of job opps that I can’t really stand it anymore. At least you are in a somewhat fertile area for jobs when the economy is better!

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