Year: 2009

Because you are going to be sick of hearing it by the end of the day I’m just going to get it all out of my system now.

I’ve never purchased any of Kanye West’s music because I think he’s a worl class douchebag. And the thing is, I actually love some of his music but I WILL NOT give my money to an artist that I think doesn’t deserve it. I’d download it illegally, of course, but even having his music on my system would make me feel dirty.

I was just flabbergasted by what he did to poor Taylor Swift last night. Just, speechless. It wasn’t until his apology that I REALLY got heated. Seriously, THAT’S an apology!?

I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!

So because you gave YOUR AWARD to Outkast, YOUR AWARD THAT YOU WON, it’s okay for you to stand up and give Taylor Swifts’ award away too?! An award that you didn’t win! An award that she deserved and WON. A 19 year old girl’s first VMA. A 19 year old girl who used to dream as a little girl of one day WINNING THAT VERY AWARD!?

Also, when in the hell is MTV going to stop letting this guy be a douche? Remember he interrupted the 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards when he lost to Simian and claimed his clip should have won? Remember in 2007 how he didn’t win for a single one of his five nominitations and got his feelings all hurt and said he was going to boycott MTV and hever show is face there again ranting and raving backstage like a fool. Then he realized that, you know, he kinda NEEDS MTV and got over that. Then THIS!?

Seriously, MTV, grow some balls and take a stand and stop letting Kanye make a fool out of you. There’s a reason nobody watches the network anymore. Letting assholes be assholes is just one in a long line of reasons.

Okay, I’m going to step off my soap box now and I’ll just conclude with:

Pink is my hero. Go to iTunes immediately and download her newest stuff. She’s brilliant. She works her ass off up there AND REALLY SINGS!

Also, Beyonce is a dancing singing fool! Girl rocked the show. Hard.

So is this post.

And lots of hard breaks.

Because they’re fun.

See?

They really get the point across.

Like, THIS SENTENCE is DIFFERENT than the last and deserves to be on it’s own.

So does this one.

This one too.

*nods*

Cassidy has an 82.91% in math, the class she really struggles with, which is a B–. A regular B (minus the minus) is 83%. That .09% added that bastard minus to the B and she has to have B’s or better to continue band. Our rule, not the school’s. Since tests are 30% of her grade, I think if she’d have gotten just ONE MORE QUESTION right on her test she’d be above the 80%.

I can’t actually figure it out though because, according to the website the class is weighted as:

30% – Test
20% – Homework
20% – Quiz

So. Where is the other 30% coming from? Is it based on how adorable and happy the kids look while doing the HOURS of homework at night? Because if so, Cassidy should totally have an A++++++++ EXCELLENT STUDENT WILL DO BUSINESS WITH AGAIN!!

Don’t you just love Ebay?

And pie?

THREE DAY WEEKEND!

This morning about .526 seconds after I got into work at 6:00AM one of the managers asked me if I’d come in tomorrow for some overtime and since it was so early my brain was all OMG OVERLOAD SERVICE UNAVAILABLE!! 503 ERROR! ABORT!! ABORT!!

So I used the “I have to check with my husband to make sure we didn’t have plans already” excuse.

So I messaged Ben.

Then he messaged back that when he went to bend over at the dog park his back went all haywire and I kind of feel like I’m responsible because I was looking for a valid reason not to have to work. Like, I wanted to tell the truth but I didn’t want the truth to be “Because I don’t fucking want to.”

Sorry, Ben. 🙁

I made ThePioneerWoman’s Steak with Onion-Blue Cheese Sauce last night but I added sauteed mushrooms too. OH. MY. GOD. I died and came back to life after every bite. It was a religious experience that I recommend everybody try at least once in their lives.

I’m going to reread Twilight then New Moon again so that Cassidy and I are prepared for the movie. Cassidy won’t have to read them again since she’s already read them 73 times each. Also, she wore some shirt to school on Wednesday that said something about how ‘every girl has to have a vampire’ or something. She’s totally Team Edward according to her backpack and you aren’t even allowed in her room unless you profess that Edward is, in fact, where you allegiance lies according to the handmade sign on her door.

Reading New Moon again is going to be a chore. It was my least favorite till I read Breaking Dawn, DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BREAKING DAWN, but the movie looks promising and I want to go in fully prepared to be able to pick it apart with the rest of the internet the next day.

I think that might be all I have for now.

OH!

I’m knitting again. I really missed it. Knitting is fun and productive and yarn smells good. Did you know that?

Also, official list of COMPLETE SEASONS of shows I’ve watched (while working, heh) in the last 3 months:

Gossip Girl: Seasons 1-3
Booth: Seasons 1-5
Dexter: Seasons 1-3
True Blood: Season 1
Six Feet Under: Season 1-3 (need to finish this series)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Seasons 1-7 YES! SEVEN!
Angel: Seasons 1-5

And actually, I watched Buffy Season 1-3 then started having to rotate in Angel so that the crossover episodes would make sense. So, an episode of Buffy, an episode of Angel, and episode of Buffy, an episode of Angel. It went pretty much that way except for a few times when the crossover made more sense if you watched one or the other more than once before picking up the other again according to the Buffy/Angel crossover guide website. There’s a website for that!

Did that just make sense?

I hope so.

Also, I’ll totally repeat that process again sometime in the future because cheesy vampire and corny slayer jokes are awesome. Also, Buffy and Spike totally belong together. Also, I kind of have a crush on Warewolf Seth Green.

Also, the ending of the last show of the last season of Angel was lame.

I hate when they do that to shows I love.

Okay, NOW I think I’m done.

Yes, I am!

Later!

Ben: What did the fisrt person who landed on the moon say?
Cassidy: OH MY GOSH!
Me: *laugh*

Remember all those rocks I mentioned before? The ones we removed, one at a time, from the GIGANTIC pond in the back yard? Well, we’ve been meaning to put them up on Craigslist for quite some time and Ben finally got them up today. Now, we are GIVING these rocks away.

FOR FREE.

We could probably make a few hundred dollars on them but we JUST. WANT. THEM. GONE. and posting them for free Ben had quite a few hits in a very short amount of time. The first response was from a nice couple that is in the process of building a pond for themselves and are going to be here tomorrow morning to haul them all away.

BUT! The great thing about Craigslist is that there are always THOSE people out there. You know, THEM. And Ben got one. The following exchange is the reason that I was never in a great rush to list them myself and also why I’m so glad Ben took on the task:

Crazy ass Rock Guy (AKA: Steve):

Hi,

Yes, I am very interested to take most of all of your rock this Sunday. Sat might be possilbe after 3 but I have to wait for another confirmation. However, Sunday is best for me. Please let me know if it is ok.

Thanks,
Steve
[Phone number redacted to protect the innocent stupid]

Ben:

Rocks are tenatively spoken for, but will update once they’re taken (hopefully tomorrow).

Crazy ass Rock Guy:

No idea what you mean by saying rocks are tenatively spoken for. So you still have them available or not?

Ben:

Tentatively spoken for means that someone has contacted me and is making plans to come get them, but they have not picked them up yet.

Thanks,
Ben

Crazy ass Rock Guy:

You must be an University teacher or belonging to the Poetry Club. In a daliy life and common usage, we don’t use your language. It can only cause more confusion.

Thanks,
Steve

Ben:

I’m sorry for taking the time to give you an update. Please disregard all of my previous emails and the advertisement I took the time to write, and generosity for giving away free landscaping rocks (just…wow…). I don’t know who ‘we’ is, but I don’t belong to that group.

Let me put it in language that better suits you (sigh).

You will never get them.

Enjoy your weekend,
-a generous asshole.

And because Steve is one of those persistant kind of whack jobs he didn’t give up and Ben got these about an hour ago:

Fucken smart ass…rocks don’t speak man so wtf u mean by saying rocks are tentatively spoken for…….U don’t even know what the fuck u are talking about u idiot.. tentatively AHOLE ….make more sense

Then 8 minutes later:

fucken retarded W trash– Obama is a president now u ahole…..

WOW?! Obama is president?! I had no clue! I really didn’t! I’m so glad that I had this educated voting member of society to inform me!

Cassidy started 6th grade today. SIXTH. GRADE. I started taking a picture of her on the 1st day of school a few years ago but last year I think was the first year I got one up onto flickr. I can’t believe how much change has happened in that one year.

It’s so amazing to see her growing into this little woman. Forming her own opinions. Making friends and telling them secrets I’ll never know. I’m starting to realize for the first time that I’m less “driver” now and more “passenger”. It’s awesome and scary at the same time and I just feel so lucky that I get to be a part of the ride.

Dude.

We have a badass backyard.

When we first moved into the house we had a pond in the back. I was so looking forward to getting it all fixed up and running and the sound of the water and the frogs and possibly fish and… no. It was just one disaster after another. First the pump died so we had somebody come out to install a new one. (Actually, something good came out of that step! We bought the shopvac which we’ve since found a ton of uses for.) Then once it was all up and running and pretty and stuff it started leaking. And just GAH! We tried to track the leak, thought maybe it was just a hole in the lining, so one Saturday afternoon we started digging to find the hole and pretty soon the hole was four feet deep and five feet wide and IS THERE AN END TO THIS DAMN HOLE! And it’s not just the digging! There’s the ROCKS! There are SO. MANY. ROCKS.

Then it sat. For probably a month it sat.

We tossed around the idea of trying to fix it or just fill it up and sod over it or just throw a couple gallons of nitroglycerin in there and hope for a very strong wind to blow through and in the end sod seemed like the most logical, cost effective and dog friendly solution.

Ben spent a LOT of time over the next two or so weeks filling up the hole with trucks full of dirt, ripping out monster grass plants that were determined to stay, prepping the rock hard clay around the pond area and cussing. And buying tools. And sweating. He was dirty and sweaty and cussing and I have to admit here that a small part of me kind of liked coming home to that. heh ENOUGH OF THAT! Get your minds out of the gutter, people!

Finally, last week he was able to switch to topsoil and finished up prepping the area so that Saturday we could lay down the sod. And we did. We laid that sod GOOD. We kicked that sod’s ASS.

And I spent the next two days laying on my back and alternating between cooling pads, the massager and heavy doses of pain killers because, dude, that sod KICKED MY ASS. Did you know that a little roll of sod weighs over 50 pounds and we moved 15 of them from the pallet to the back of the truck, then the back of the truck to a spot in the backyard, then a spot in the backyard to where they were finally laid to rest for ALL OF ETERNITY. And they really have to guesstimate the weight because the wetter they are, the more they weigh and we had a few that were REALLY wet. So with the guestimate weight and the number of times we had to move it we lifted a combined total of 2250 POUNDS OF GRASS. And if that sentence were, like, you know, about “grass” *wink wink nudge nudge* I’d probably feel all happy right now but it wasn’t, it was, you know… GRASS. So after going to pick up the 2000th pound of grass I must have lifted wrong. Or maybe it was swinging the mallet into the four inch thick tree posts, all eight of them, so that I could pull them out of the ground. Or maybe it was the way I threw myself into the chair when I took a break but whatever it was, my ass: KICKED.

I’m okay now though because WE HAVE A BADASS BACKYARD.

Ben had to go yesterday and get one final roll of sod to fill in some of the edge spots and he’s been dilligently watching over it and watering it three times a day and it looks AWESOME. He’s also pulled out some more of the crappy looking plants and “installed” a new plant where the old waterfall used to be. He did a great job of building that place back up with rock and planted some ground cover there with PINK FLOWERS that will eventually “flow over” that rock and look beautiful.

When we first moved in I was SO in love with the backyard. I couldn’t imagine how it could possibly get any better but, MAN, has it gotten better. And I love it. And it’s only going to get better. And Ben has been the driving force. And have I written lately about how much I love that man?

On July 6th, 2009 I posted the following comment on this post about what an idiot Kathy Lee Gifford is. I wanted to give fair warning so that people would understand that my BLOG is NOT a CONTACT FORM to get a message to either Kathy Lee Gifford or Hoda Kotb. Clearly, the message didn’t seem to make it through.

Dear Internet People,

This is a BLOG POST and is not, in any way, some kind of contact form to get ahold of Hoda or Kathy. STOP LEAVING YOUR CRAZY ASS INSANE fanmail here.

ESPECIALLY IF IT’S IN ALL CAPS AND FULL OF LOL SPEAK. U GOTZ ME?!

This is your warning: From now on if you try to use my BLOG COMMENTS as an attempt to contact either of them I’ll repost it in a blog on the front page and include all your contact info and encourage people to send you goatse and other non-welcome emails. THEN MAYBE YOU WILL GET THE POINT.

Thanks,
The Management

So here you go, reader. Sure it’s not a comment talking about how OMGAWESOME Hoda or Kathy are and it’s not in ALL CAPS but I did make a threat and I intend to follow through. Also, yesterday was a busy day and I kinda needed the laugh. Also, THE GRAMMAR!

*shudder*

New comment on your post #1075 “Dear Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb,”
Author : Geneve Honrbuckle (IP: 66.0.47.5 , 66.0.47.5)
E-mail : genevehornbuckle@yahoo.com
URL :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=66.0.47.5
Comment:
Koda, I sorry about what I heard you say on the July 27th show about the incident in Cambriag when the professor refussed to show ID that he was a resident there. It sounded a little like you were doing some rasical profiling toward police officers when they were trying to protect this mans property. I just thing it is a shame that we are already to blame the ones who are out there trying to protect us everyday. I saw a pictice once of a police office looking down a very dark alley and the caption said You would’t go down that alley for a million dollars, but he goes down it for a whole lot less. I think that say a lot.

And not to be outdone, just today I got an email from Vicki and MAN WAS IT AWESOME. It was probably the best comment I’ve ever gotten. It was so awesome that I’m thinking about printing and framing it so that I can hang it on the wall in the living room. Maybe what I should do is start gathering all these fabulous little gems in a shrine. That way when people come over to visit I can be all, “Look how AWESOME I AM! I am so awesome that it’s like a VORTEX OF AWESOME that is SO STRONG it can SUCK PEOPLE THROUGH THE TUBES OF AWESOMENESS and land them on my AWESOME WEB PAGE.”

Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

Author : Vicki (IP: 70.234.152.84 , adsl-70-234-152-84.dsl.tul2ok.sbcglobal.net)
E-mail : dixieduo@sbcglobal.net
URL :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=70.234.152.84
Comment:
Dear Kathy Lee and Hoda

I am disturbed that so many women said that about Sarah Palin. The way I see it she didn’t set women back she advanced them. I believe she did the best she could and jumped out there in the light and so she didn’t win she still made the effort. I haven’t seen any other women jumping out and going for it. Give her some slack. Look in your own family closets and realize that she is like all of us. Average American Family with all the faults like everyone else, but she took the chance and that my friends says it al.

It was so awesome, in fact, that I felt it warranted an awesome response so I sent this back.

Vicki,

If you had taken a few seconds to read the comments on my blog post about Kathy and Hoda you’d have seen that I am in NO WAY affiliated with them. They will never see the comment you just left because, as I state VERY CLEARLY, it’s MY blog, not an email form to get ahold of them.

That being said…

I’m going to name off a few people who’s names you might be familiar with:

Condoleezza Rice
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Sandra Day O’Connor
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Nancy Pelosi

Those are all very powerful women in the US political system and all of them fought to get to where they are today. Meaning: They didn’t ride the coat tails of a more powerful man to get there. Well, I guess you could say that Hillary did that in some respect BUT she didn’t just QUIT when things didn’t work out for her. She picked herself back up, fought for what she believed in and made a name for HERSELF. And she ran HERSELF for president. How in the hell is it that you can sit there and say that no other women are “going for it”? I assume Kathy and Hoba said something to upset you but I can tell you, it’s never good to present an opposing view with completely biased and false information.

Before being handed the VP nomination 99.78% of the American population had no idea who the hell sarah Palin was! Now she’s not even a politician. She’s a just a normal citizen like you and me. Because she gave up. Sure she can try and run again for something but there’s a fat chance after her record and her pathetic public showing during her “going for it” stage so she doesn’t really stand a good chance of being elected for ANYTHING anymore. She decided that making a lot of money was more worth it to her.

Also, you might try searching for the official Today show page for Kathy and Hoda. I’d assume NBC.com would be a good place to start…

Sometimes these little gems land in my inbox and it really wouldn’t be fair of me to keep them to myself.

So.

ENJOY!

Last Monday we missed our first Intermediate Dog Training class because Kumo was having some ‘potty issues’. In order to be in this Monday’s class we had to first make up that missed week and because Amy loves Kumo more than most parents love their kids, she let us come in last Sunday for a private lesson.

Have I mentioned how much I love Amy before? Because I do, a lot. She’s absolutely adorable. Kumo loves her even more though. When we get into the parking lot at PetSmart he starts to whine and attempts to climb out the window. I can’t exactly see his thoughts but I imagine it’s Kumo and Amy running towards each other in slow motion with Bolero playing softly in the background.

We got through the basic new commands rather quickly so Amy was teaching us some tricks to work on with him for fun. One of the tricks was pointing your finger at the dog and giving a loud verbal “BANG” which the dog responds to by laying on his side and playing dead. Ben was giddy watching this new trick. He had a huge grin on his face and I could clearly imagine him at the dog park showing Bob, and anybody else who showed up, this awesome new trick that Kumo had learned.

Amy mentioned that she had worked on the same trick the week before so while all the other dogs had a whole week to learn it, we’d be back the NEXT day so in order to not be shown up by all the other dogs, we’d have to get on it!

Amy: All the other dads had all week to practice!
Ben: We’ll get it!
Amy: Yeah, he’s such a smart boy! He’ll have it in no time!
Ben: Because he’s a GOOD BOY!
Amy: Yes he is! He’s a good smart boy!
Me: Yeah! And Ben will be home all day tomorrow BANGING THE DOG!
Ben: ….
Me: WHAT!?
Ben: HONEY!
Me: OH! OOPS!
Ben: *glare*
Me: *giggle*

And that is why often times when Ben has to leave the house he tries to lock me in the crate and take the dog with him instead.

When I Rule the World, if you walk out of the break room after having drained the VERY LAST DROPS of water out of the dispenser and don’t:

1) Put a new jug on yourself, or
2) ASK SOMEBODY that has more upper body strength than a FIVE YEAR OLD to do it for you,

You will be banned forthwith from EVER DRINKING WATER AGAIN YOU LAZY FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Also:

“I’m a girl” is not a reason not to change the water. It’s a bullshit cop out that further promotes the fact that women are helpless pussies that might BREAK IN HALF under the weight of a 40 pound jug of water. Seriously. I’ve seen the purses you all carry around on those fragile little arms so just don’t go there.

You may view all of my rule changes here.

Over the last few days my car started to develop a rather odd smell. I just brushed it off as a food container and when I got home from work Monday I made sure to take the only one out of my car. It was empty and had been cleaned but I figured the California heat had somehow baked some leftover smell out of it and went on my way.

Then I went to get in my car this morning. And I opened the door. And a smell so strong came out that it melted the paint off the wall seven feet away.

I turned the car on then set about tearing the inside apart trying to figure out where the hell the smell was coming from. There was nothing! A blanket we put on the back seat for Kumo and two hoodies. I even pulled up the carpets to smell them and nothing.

I got back in the car figuring I’d just try to figure it out later but when I got in and closed the door the smell was too strong to try and ignore. Then it dawned on me to check the trunk.

And I opened the trunk. And the smell was so bad it melted the paint off the cars in a 20 mile radius. And there is was: A completely full gallon of milk I bought LAST THURSDAY. Well, by this morning it wasn’t so much milk as a watery substance filled with what looked like a lovely aged mozzarella.

Last Thursday after work I ran to the grocery store thinking that I’d grab a few essentials for the three day weekend, including TWO gallons of milk. When I got home I asked Cassidy to empty my trunk. She emptied it then put all the groceries away for me and I never thought to CHECK because WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG IN THAT PROCESS!? I mean, I figured the worst thing that could have happened is that there would be a can of corn in the peas row. And people, there is NOTHING that drives me more nuts than my canned veggies not to be in order. If I know there is a can in the wrong place I actually have problems falling asleep at night.

I learned my lesson for sure. Friday, Saturday and Sunday my car went pretty much unused but yesterday it sat out in the glaring sun for 9 hours. If you can’t quite wrap your mind around just how insulting that smell would be I invite you to walk to your closest neighbor’s house at high noon, dive head first into their garbage can and take a few minutes to really let the full aroma envelope you. That’s what it felt like driving home from work today.

I did, fior just a plit second, wonder how we were almost out of milk on Sunday morning when I had just gotten TWO gallons on Thursday evening. The answer was that only one of them had made it into the house.

Anybody that tells you not to cry over spilled milk has never actually SMELLED spilled milk.