Ben, Cassidy and I spent a fabulous weekend with my ex-mother-in-law, her boyfriend and my little-adorable-tween-sister-in-law. I plan on writing a little “weekend recap” blog but I just had to tell this story first that both swelled my heart with pride and equally horrified me.
After a long day of gorging on fair food, swooning over pregnant cows, and browsing exhibit halls, we sat down with Amber and Lupe to chat and catch up. The girls were in Carrielee’s bedroom and we could hear them occasionally break out in laughter and I just assumed they were watching TV or something funny on YouTube.
Do you want to know what they were doing?
THEY. WERE. READING. MY. BLOG.
At one point they came out and Cassidy was cracking up and somebody asked, “What are you two clowns up to!?” And between giggles she squealed out, “READING MY MOM’S BLOG!”
And it felt like instead of saying those words, she had walked directly up to me and punched me in the gut. After a day of fried fair food. And Ben SMILED. SMILED! Then he asked her why it was so funny and Cassidy said, “My mom is a good writer! She’s totally funny.”
And then the gut punch felt more like a heart punch. Because my daughter likes my writing. It really doesn’t matter what anybody else in the world ever says about anything I write here. My daughter likes it.
A few blog posts ago I mentioned that people have been asking me why I don’t write about her here and… THIS. I really hope there are parents out there that read this and realize those four or five year olds aren’t going to be that size forever. For the next 10 minutes I sat there on the couch half paying attention to what was going on around me racking my brain trying to think if there was anything that I should not have written, something I didn’t want her to read, all the times I’ve typed out the work “fuck” on this site.
I’m pretty open with Cassidy but as I sat there I realized that probably 95% of my blog posts are not a problem for her to read. It is what it is. This blog is pretty much who I am. I’ve seen more and more women and mothers turning blogs into jobs and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, this sudden growing trend of parents getting free sex toys in exchange for reviews bothers me.
Parents, PLEASE! When you go to write that paid review about your personal pleasure toy and how fast they, you know, “WORK”, please go walk up to your four year old, look them in the face and imagine yourself reading that blog post out loud as you tuck them into bed at night. Pictures included. Because eventually they won’t be four anymore and trust me when I say that your sex life will be the LAST thing they want to read about and HEAVEN FORBID their friends find it.
Just… think. Imagine you suddenly stumbled across your mother’s site and think about what you’d want to know about her. I always said that this was my blog and I’d be damned if I was going to let ANYBODY censor me.
I was wrong.
15 thoughts on “In which I stand on my soapbox.”
All I can do is give you a standing ovation clap.
I’ve done 2 sex toy reviews myself. Gracie is a year old. I imagine they won’t still be there when she’s old enough to go on the computer. If they are, they’ll end up deleted most likely. I do think that some level of censorship does need to happen.
First of all, not that it means anything, but I agree with Cassidy that you’re a fantastic writer.
Secondly, I’m right in that standing ovation with Dez. I don’t even have kids yet and I’ve thought the same words. Well, maybe they weren’t quite so eloquent… but I don’t want any kids of mine (or anyone I know, really) reading about things like that.
I try not to judge because I’m not in a position, and I hopefully won’t ever be, where my choices are “blog about this vibrator” or “baby doesn’t get food this week”, but I do sometimes wonder how these kids are going to feel 10 years from now if they happen to read these things about their parents.
Taking something off of the internet is like taking pee out of a swimming pool – damn near impossible. There are so many archive sites and mirrors, that it just isn’t possible to guaruntee that what went online for a year in 2010 won’t be easily found in 2020. I would be HORRIFIED to find a site somewhere where my mother was blogging about vibrators and her and my father’s sex toy collection. I intellectually know they must have sex, but I have no interest in seeing anything that might make the intellectual concept a reality. And I’m 28 – that feeling would be 38956739 times stronger if I were a young teenager and not quite comfortable with my own sexuality, much less someone else’s.
I don’t have kids (yet), but even so, I have no interest in blogging ANYTHING about my sex life. I LIKE that when the bedroom door closes, what happens between Mike and me stays between Mike and me. It’s not like we’re doing anything that millions (billions!!) of other people haven’t already done, but it’s special to me because it’s ours.
I’m with Cassidy – you’re an amazing, funny writer. I’m glad that said writing doesn’t include coverage of vibrators.
Very, very well said, Anna… I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks for the warning, I just about spewed coffee all over my keyboard and monitor when I hit the “vibrator review” part since I know of at least one person that you are talking about. So, in response to that portion…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Awesome.
Also, I am very open with my kids about who I am, what my beliefs are, and the language I use. They’re probably so desensitized to the “f-bomb” by now that they feel like they can’t even use it for shock value.
Be who you are. In life and online. As long as you’re true about who you are, the kids will know what to expect.
Thanks, all! I really hesitated before posting this because I knew that it would look like I was pinpointing ONE specific blogger and that’s not what it was about. One of the things I didn’t even bring up was FAMILY. I have a younger brother who reads this stuff! My dad reads and comments! So do my cousins!
Lisa, I totally agree with you. To me it’s important that Ben and I share something special and broadcasting it to the world would take the intimacy away from it I think.
And Jerry! TRUST ME, Cassidy is very aware of the f-bombs too! I have a bit of a potty mouth. All the family I have reading this know that already so it’s not something I have to hide. 😉
Hey Anna, I hardly comment on posts anymore so bear with me. It’s also 8am. 🙁 Anyways, I really just wanted to point out that regardless of anybody agreeing or disagreeing with you, Cassidy is 100% correct in that you’re a great writer. Your writing is powerful, organized and really gets your point across without being defamatory. I just finished out my second level writing course for my bachelor’s and honestly, someday I hope to aspire to the quality of writing that you provide.
Agree with you about sex toys reviews, I am glad that some people keep them under a link that gives you a warning, I personally don’t want to read them, I wonder what my kids would think of my blog in the future.. don’t have any children but I hope they would like it, I know my husband and my own family read it also my MIL (newest reader), I don’t post anything that I would regret posting 🙂
I guess that is one place where I get lucky. No kids, no young family reading my blog, etc so if I put a review behind a cut, I’m not really bothering anyone. I figure later down the road, when I do have kids I will privatize those entries, or just delete them. If they end up going somewhere like archive.org to find shit like that, then to me it’s no different then snooping too far, and don’t be upset about what you find. I sure wasn’t upset when snooping in my parents bedroom resulted in me finding a vibrator stuffed deep in my Moms dresser, and my Dads nudie mag’s hidden in their closet. Thats what I got for snooping :P.
I want to say I completely agree. There are a couple of blogs that are sort of mommy blogs, or at least talk about their kids and have photos of them, that put things up that aren’t merely opinions they might not want their kids and family to come across (like me… do I necessarily WANT my mother in law or future child to find my blogs dedicated to ranting about how atheist I am? Not so much – but they’re me, it’s a view I’d hold if they asked me about it, no biggie – though we both can think of some past blog entries of mine that are uh, not so kosher, and are gone on purpose LOL) – but are actually full on things I would NEVER want shared… and my example of a particular person is someone who does exactly what you said: pushes dildos and talks faux-openly for cash about all the naughty adult things her and her man do with all these toys… in posts that are directly above, say, one about her child’s birthday party or a family member’s personal issues.
Aw, that is so sweet. I can understand how it would be horrifying, but it’s really sweet. I can totally understand why you wouldn’t write about her, especially with something like this happening. And your writing style is amazing, so your daughter is completely correct.
The trend of paid sex toy reviews bothers me, too. I admire your ability to point that out. I understand that people need to make money or they like to get free stuff, but it honestly seems like the kind of thing that you wouldn’t want your friends/family/co-workers whatever to read. I mean, sex/sex toy use isn’t anything dirty/wrong/whatever, but it also isn’t really the most appropriate thing for a personal blog.
Yeah, I didn’t want my post to come across as anti-sexuality. I think that sex is a GREAT THING. But private. If you want to do reviews, make an alias and do it on a site that can’t be googled or accidentally found by your family.
Brit, I totally get what you are saying. When I cringe is when see a post about kids then a post with a giant dong and a review. Especially when it’s places like flickr where there are perverts. I’ve had enough of them comment on my pictures that I KNOW they are out there. So they come to a flickr a feed to see pictures of vibrators and OH LOOK! It’s on the same page as a picture of you children! It’s a pedophiles dream! *cringe*
You are a great writer…
I’m chugging along reading this and I’m happy that nobody really got dramatic with their comments, because that’s what I truly expected. I realized, you wrote about sex, and vibrators and I cringed because I realized Cassidy will more than likely realize this.
Then I picked myself up off the desk and said…remember that this was the type of mother you wanted to be? You wanted to be open and honest with your daughter and be able to talk about this stuff at an appropriate age that is not 25? Or after she’s 16 and pregnant? Remember all the flack you took for refering to it as a vagina instead of a cookie or who-ha?
So thank you for this post. With that said, we do what we do and we’ll all be judged by someone on the net and off, but being judged by your own child and realizing you are that person’s main role model is pretty BIG. So even if your kid is 1 or still in your uterus…what you have written is probably going to be common knowledge for them when they are like 7. Since they are being taught how to find things on the net when they are in grade school.
And not much on the net ever goes away.