Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth.

Monday on the way into work what I can only assume was a drunk soccer mom swerved across two lanes and almost side swiped my car. Lucky my ninja like reflexes kicked in and I swerved all the way into another lane to avoid the dive bomb. My ninja like reflexes are strong. Like steal. Usually. Sometimes at 5:30 in the morning they are less like steal and more like tin foil.

At the same time I managed to avoid the 4000 pounds of metal, my LARGE McDonalds Iced Coffee flew into the air, did a complete flip, landed on my passenger seat and exploded into a coffee a-bomb. It filled up the cup holders, landed in my hair, left a film on the front window and pooled up on the floor under seat. It took me a full 45 minutes and an entire roll of paper towels to get it cleaned up enough that I didn’t STICK to the seat when I sat down. THANK GOD it was rainy and cold outside because I can only imagine what that would have smelled like after 8 hours of 100 degree heat in the full sun. *shudders*

So, the day can only get better after this, right??

WRONG!

SURPRISE! Major Medical University is REQUIRING all employees to get flu shots this year because JCAHO is an evil asshole. I can understand that the accreditation is important but I’ve never, in four years, EVER come into contact with a patient. I mean, we work a MILE off campus.

I wasn’t going to get one this year because even though the nurse SWEARS that you should not be sore afterwards, I always am. Last year my arm ached for THREE DAYS. This year when I went in I requested that they inject my left arm so that the arm I use to use the adding machine, answer my office phone and make sweet love to my iPhone would not be sore. I mean, I can go a few days without working or talking to people… but don’t get between me and my daily movie binge. Mother fucker.

Again this year the nurse SWORE to me that I’d not be sore since it’s my “off hand” that got injected. Yeah, she’s a lying ass bitch. My arm is sore from the injection spot all the way down to my hand, with the majority of the discomfort at the inside bend of my elbow. Why do they lie to you? Why not just say, “Yes, idiot, it’s going to hurt it’s a SHOT. Now roll up your sleeve and suck it up, pussy!” I’d honestly deal much better with that.

When I was in 2nd grade I broke my arm and it had to be reset. When I asked if it was going to hurt the doctor looked me straight in the face and said, “It’s going to hurt more than anything you’ve ever felt. But it will be fast and when I’m done it will stop hurting and it will heal the way it should.” And he wasn’t lying. When I look back now, it was second in pain level only to squeezing a human out of my vagina. But, at least he TOLD ME. I knew what to expect. In SECOND GRADE.

I’d say things can only get better at this point bit who am I kidding?!

Is it Friday yet?

13 thoughts on “Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth.

  1. Ok yeah, Flu shots hurt. Why would she lie and say its not supposed to hurt. I have yet to meet anyone who has never had any type of pain from a flu shot.

    And way to go with the coffee. At least most of it was in the passenger side of the car and not ALL OVER YOU. I probably would have died in your situation as I do not have ninja like reflexes, but I have snail like reflexes. (dont know how many times I’ve just sat and watched my daughter dump an entire bottle of water on the floor.)

  2. I think its a bit silly that you have to get the flu shot when you don’t even come in contact with any patients. Whats the need? And I know what you mean about at least being told the truth rather than being told, no its not going to hurt and it does.

  3. Make sweet love to your iphone..lmfao…I Love you anna! Why didn’t you follow that bitch that made you swerve and tell her something pretty?

    Lisaf3r

  4. My mom is striaght up with patients that the flu shot will hurt, she tells them of course its going to hurt, its a needle going in your arm and it may hurt for a while after, some people it hurts for a hour or two and some people it hurts for days. it just depends. as for me, it usually hurts for about 4 days and i get a mild case of the flu. YAY ME

  5. Anna, has your dad been ordered to evacuate? I know you have mentioned he lives in escondido, but you have never said where exactly. Currently we are watching the fallbrook fire as its close to us, but not close yet. I hope your dad is ok.

  6. It just warms my heart to know that I am not the only one who purchases Large Iced Coffee from McDonald’s. I don’t feel like an outcast now.

    Never had a flu shot, always hear you get sick from them. I don’t get it. Maybe when I’m 90 I’ll get one.

  7. [quote comment=”40152″]Anna, has your dad been ordered to evacuate? I know you have mentioned he lives in escondido, but you have never said where exactly. Currently we are watching the fallbrook fire as its close to us, but not close yet. I hope your dad is ok.[/quote]

    They are in Oceanside not too far from the Oceanside/Carlsbad border.

    My dad was actually here last night and my step-mom was going to come up but stayed home. I’m glad she did because it looks like my uncle might have to evacuate and they already have some other evacuees at their house. I have my fingers crossed that they aren’t effected and that my uncle doesn’t lose his house…

    I hope they can get the Fallbrook fire contained soon and that the wind dies down. 🙁 I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  8. We are in the voluntary evacuation area, but have not left yet. when it becomes mandatory we will leave, we packed up the car last night with our pictures and important papers and valuables. we have our rv ready to go too. though we have evacuees from fallbrook staying in it, but we told them, when the time comes and we have to leave, they can come with us, but we will be needing to stay in it. and they can use there tents to stay with us. this is just so unreal, its like a twilightzone outside.

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