Ben: What kind of pizza do you want?
Me: I don’t care.
Ben: I’ll just get what I got last time.
Me: I don’t like their Hawaiian.
Ben: Then don’t eat it. There’s a whole other half.
Me: I didn’t like that one either.
Ben: This is why husbands kill their wives.
For Christmas a coworker got me some really pretty stemless wine glasses with a gold “A” on them.
Cassidy: So can I use these?
Me: Does your first name start with an “A”?
Me: Then no!
Cassidy: Sometimes you call me Asshole.