All of Cassidy’s inbound email is sent to me. I get it ALL and unfortunately she’s new enough to this whole email thing that she gets all that crap “FORWARD THIS TO FIVE FRIENDS AND SEVEN GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU NINE DAYS BEFORE THE FIFTH DAY OF THE SIXTH MONTH FOUR YEARS FROM NOW” emails. It hurts. 99% of the time I just delete them when I see the first line teaser without ever opening them. But there’s that unfortunate 1% of the time that I get click happy and open them.
This is one that somebody sent to my ELEVEN YEAR OLD daughter this year. Because, you know, poison her mind with your biased, close-minded conservative bullshit while she’s still young:
LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET
1 – A JOB,
2 – A DRIVERS LICENSE,
3 – SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
4 – WELFARE,
5 – FOOD STAMPS,
6 – CREDIT CARDS,
7 – SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
8 – FREE EDUCATION,
9 – FREE HEALTH CARE,
10 – A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
11 – BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
12 – AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION…
And really, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! THIS! This is why I don’t read this bullshit but since I was TRICKED by my MOUSE BUTTON into reading this I feel like I just need to say a few things. For your sake, I’m not going to capslock it because I don’t have as much hate in my heart as this emailer. NOT ENOUGH HATE.
In North Korea you aren’t allowed to speak your mind unless it’s in agreement with the government.
In Iran they will hang you in public for robbery.
In Afghanistan, women aren’t allowed to work, own property, walk in public alone, go to school and the list goes ON AND ON. Oh also? If a woman is raped, it’s perfectly legal for her husband to kill her for bringing shame to the family.
Is Saudia Arabia, a 13 year old girl getting caught with a camera phone in school is punished with 80 lashings in front of her fellow students AND two months in prison.
I could go on, but I think I’ve made the point pretty clear*. So really, WE are the ones that have it wrong? Fantastic! If I find the guy that stole my bike from our garage a few months ago, maybe I should hang him from the tree in our front yard since, you know, clearly these countries have the right idea…
(*And I also won’t point out that ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS do NOT get all those things and anybody that thinks you can just walk across the border and are handed a social security card, a job and a place to live is a goddamned idiot.)