Trying not to fall apart.

Once again. I told Cassidy that I’d call her tonight to see how she is. Called at 3:30 and she wasn’t with her dad. He works out of the garage at home so I’m not sure where she was but (big surprise) she wasn’t with him. I told him to have her call me back when he saw her next.

8:00PM – No call. Called again. Left message.

9:00PM – No call.

I can not go through this again. I won’t. Before I was weak and stupid and I thought I owed him time with her. I am not that person anymore. I’m the person that’s been hardened by having to mend a wounded seven-year-old heart after she doesn’t receive a phone call, a letter, any form of acknowledgement for six month at a time from her father. I’m not beyond driving 500 miles in a night to go get her.

I will not do it. I don’t have to do it. I’m trying to be the ‘better person’ by volunteering this month and a half once again this summer, but I will not be the person that lets her down. It’s very important to me that I keep my word about things like this because I’ve seen first hand what HIM doing it to her OVER AND OVER AND OVER again has done to her emotionally.

Knowing that I wasn’t able to talk to her tonight when I TOLD her I would is… *insert worst pain you’ve ever felt here*

6 thoughts on “Trying not to fall apart.

  1. Yeah, I know that there’s a phone out there with only three buttons on it that you can configure that are made just for kids… Ben and I will have to look into that. Good idea.

  2. I was going to suggest getting her a childs phone too. From everything you’ve written about her, she sounds extremely smart like someone who would be able to charge it if the battery is low, etc.

    I don’t think this is about being a better person in this situation at all. It’s about doing what is best for your daughter.

  3. [Comment ID #8081 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I think it’s called a firefly and it’s pretty neat. I know a kid who has one. It really limits their ability to call people that you don’t want them to. As for the dad, do what you feel is best. YOU are the constant parent and he comes and goes so you do what you think is best for your daughter. Unless she wants you to let her stay and then I guess you just have to ride it out and feel like shit. God I hate stuff like this. Again humanity is not getting a very high rating from me today.

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