Shut yo’ mouth


There is a turkey feast being held at your work today and you can smell the turkey and gravy and the mashed taters and the gravy and the stuffing and the gravy and you know that if you eat it you are going to be physically ill for hours and hours and hours afterwards. So you aren’t going to eat it. Instead you are going to eat your plain chicken broth rice. The same chicken broth rice you’ve eaten for the last two days. (Minus the steak you ate last night and ended up regretting it… 5 times.)

Now imagine there is a 300 pound mouthy woman sitting two cubicles away from you smacking and chewing and popping her gum over and over and over and so loud that you can hear it like she’s sitting NEXT TO YOU and you secretly hope for just a second that maybe it’s Bertie Bott’s Disappearing Gum and in a poof of yellow smoke she will vanish and never be heard from again.

Welcome to my morning. I’m really trying to not let the negative energy in but GODDAMN WOMAN CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!

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