(written by BenTheBoyfriend)
Whenever I experience difficult times in my life, although at the time I may experience the more common reactions …such as anger, frustration, ..when I come to my senses, and my vision clears, I try to understand why something happened. I think this is a common thing. However, what I think is the uncommon bit is I’m usually able to come up with something that to me, …makes sense.
However, yesterday, when my now ‘racecar’ m3 was rear-ended…, I can’t find the hidden message.
So….I’m not sure what the lesson is… (sigh). ….I think this fact is bothering me even more than the fact that I”m going to be without the car for even longer. And maybe, what I”m writing now IS the lesson, maybe I overanalyze things too often, and this in was meant to teach me to let go….
I’ve instructed my insurance company be my ‘army of one’ for this accident, even though technically it’s not my insurance company who will end up paying for it all. I’m going through my insurance…mainly because the other driver was extremely seedy…
His first words, after I parked my car in the nearest off parking area, as I climb out of my Suzuka GT racing seat and Schroth five point harness, stumbling over the cage as I get out, and made my way to the rear of the car, where he was standing:
(seedy asshole, speaking with a heavy romanian accent:
(seed) “…There’s almost no damage”
(Ben) ::in utter disbelief, bends down, looks at damage in three areas of the car, the fact that the bumper is still pushed in, the fact that the sides of the bumper near the tires are pushed down and out…
(Ben): “…..Yes, I’m fine THANK YOU!!!!! I’ll need your insurance card…”
(seedy) ..”Maybe the damage was already there? ::shrug”
(Ben):: still in utter disbelief, getting angry::
(Ben) If you can’t provide your insurance, I”ll just call the number on the side of your van for Elco Electric, since you seem to have been on a work related drive.
He ended up calling his boss, his boss called the police, the police came out and gave him a hard time since he tried to say that I stopped too fast (uh..no), the officer was about to slap him silly.
Anyway…..after all of that, I knew that if I had to follow up with this, I’d be lucky to get payment for the repair by 2007.
The adjuster comes out today ::fear:: …this will be the first time they’ve seen the car ever, and it has a roll-cage installed, no interior, race seats with five point harnesses, a fire suppression system…….and although right now I sit here with a nuclear stomache, …I think that part will work itself out.
My larger fear is frame damage to the car. I noticed this morning as I parked the civic in my work’s parking garage that the big hit most likely occurred dead center on the bumper, and that as force was absorbed by the bumper, the van slid to the rear right. I just really really really hope the frame is not bent. Seeing the car in that shape is so sad….
So, now, the waiting game…, waiting for Elec ELectric’s insurance company, Lincoln General, to accept liability…, I think that in all honesty, it just makes me sick. I just dished out $7500 to make this car ready for the track, as safely as can be…, and the result? The next day I’m rear-ended…., I truly feel sick to my stomache, and i don’t understand.
I look to see if there is anything in organized religion that can bring me coffort…, and I realize quickly, without doing much research, that the answer is no. I think my passion for motorsports runs too deep to be comforted by words like:
“It must have been Gods wish, so, even if you don’t see it now, the meaning will show up sooner or later”
“You shouldn’t have been so attached to the car to begin with. You want to race, and that is where your passion is, not the car…, car’s can be repaired…”
The last of the two makes more sense to me, but although I dont’ think this was the case before, I think I’ve broken the buddhist golden rule (I’m not Buddhist), …and have attached my happiness in more ways than one, to this …..car. I’m not guilty of that in many aspects of my life, attaching my happiness to a …thing…., but this car is now a member of my family, and as such… I love it… ::shocked:: I think I just reazlied this just now. I guess, for what it’s worth, this is probably one of the biggest factors contributing to my current state of being (Anxious Sadness). I love my car, and it’s hurt….., and like a protective parent…, I want to do whatever I can to make things right….
…but all I can do is sit here…..and wait…..
…going to be a long couple of weeks.