When Cassidy leaves during the summer I pretend that I’m strong and resilient and… what a lie.
The first week I run around the house naked and drink milk out of the container and leave my dirty dishes on the table and every light on in the house and drink Pepsi at 11:00PM and… You know, all the stuff that as a mom you have to NOT do to set the example.
About two weeks in I get REALLY bored and can’t be strong and I can’t fake the smile anymore and I can’t cover up the hurt. I sit on the couch all night and don’t eat and pout and act like I’m 14. And it’s the most stupid things I miss too. Like the calling her “tooth” (which she hates). And trying to figure out what the hell is all over her face. And brushing her hair when she’s just out of the tub and smelling sweet enough to eat. And as lunatic as it sounds the whiney little voice that goes “MooooOOooOOOmmmm” whenever I embarrass her in a store… And taking pictures of her with pencils in her nose.
Seven Days. I can make it seven days. She should get to see her dad (who hasn’t paid me child support in almost two years and never bothers to call) because he’s her dad and blah, blah, blah… I’m gonna go whine to Ben now and make him cuddle with me.
This phase usually only lasts a day or two and then Ben slaps me back into reality and the Land of the People Who Are Not so Looney.