I think I might have had a panic attack today.
I was sitting at my comouter looking though jobs and submitting resume’s and all of the sudden I had this uneasy feeling like I needed to get up and DO something. I paced from bedroom to kistchen to living room and back about three times jsut looking around. All of the sudden I started to feel like I could not breathe. Like there was a tight band around my chest that was being tightened so I could not catch my breath. Then my hands started to tingle and I could feel my heart like, missing beats. Right as my heart started not beating right I realized that I NEEDED to get out of the house. Ben keeps asking me to explain that feeling but I can’t. I just KNEW that I HAD to get out of the house RIGHT AWAY. I grabbed my keys and got my sandals on on the way out. My first thought was, ‘Get in the car and drive to nVidia.’ But as I closed the door I realized I didn’t have my garage door opener or my cell phone and there was NO WAY I was going back in the house to get them. The thought of opening that door and going INSIDE the six feet to the bar to grab the opener literally made me feel like I wanted to VOMIT. I could NOT go back in the house.
So I went for a walk. I walked around our ‘block’ which is about a 1/2 mile walk. When I got home the panicy feeling was much better. Not gone, but something I was able to think past. I just could not sit still. I cleaned the kitchen, our bathroom, did a few loads of laundry, kept Cassidy busy cleaning.
Ben came home early (I think because he was worried about me) and told me that if I could not sit still for 10 minutes and REALX he was going to make me go to the doctor RIGHT THEN. So I sat down and posted those Open House pictures that I’d been meaning to post for two days.
The feeling finally started to go completely away as we sat down to eat dinner at Buca di Beppo’s. I’ve never ever had a panic attack before, and to be quite honest, I’m not even sure that’s what happened today. I have no idea why I would have a panic attack while sitting in front of the computer doing mindless stuff. I just know that I don’t EVER want to feel that way again.