Welcome to our “Neighborhood Watch” Facebook group:

  1. A lot of bikes get stolen in Gilroy.
  2. A vast majority of the community do not know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
  3. Even fewer know the difference between “their”, “there”, and “they’re”.
  4. People really don’t like fireworks but can’t be bothered to actually attempt to figure out who is setting them off so that they can stop them. It’s far more productive to complain about it on the Facebook page.
  5. Letting your dog off leash on a mostly deserted trail where you usually never see another human or dog is exactly as bad as attempted murder of a child. SAME THING!
  6. People very often mistake the page for Google and ask things they could easily answer themselves.
  7. In the comment thread of these useless questions they will receive the exact same answer from approximately 358,413,543 people that didn’t check the comments before posting.
  8. Then at least one argument will break out over whether that topic actually belongs on the page.
  9. Any time there is an accident in a 50 mile radius, Peggy will post a screenshot of the Pulse Point phone app that includes exactly ZERO information about the accident except a location.
  10. 2,345,315,364 comments will follow asking for information that nobody has or will give the information they received from their brother’s friend’s cousin’s barber.
  11. 74,293 will comment with one word: “prayers”
  12. If your car has a scratch on it anywhere FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t park in on the street where people will have to look at it. Be a good commoner and park it in your garage so that the good people of the land aren’t subjected to that filth.
  13. If you hear the neighbor’s baby crying for more than 15 minutes a few times a week you definitely need to let CPS and the cops know because those parents are bad and clearly don’t know how to raise a child. Also, inform the Facebook page so we can all properly ridicule said parent.
  14. If you have a problem with a neighbor’s barking dog, don’t just call he non-emergency police line to report it, FIRST post it to the Facebook page so that we can all pat you on the back for being a passive-aggressively perfect neighbor.
Neighborhood Watch

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