Living with me is it’s own kind of fantastic torture.

Over breakfast this morning:

Ben: Will you help me wash my car today?
Me: *horrified face*
Ben: I just need you to wash the rims, I’ll do the rest.
Me: What’s it worth to you?
Ben: Selling my car.
Me: That benefits YOU, not ME!
Ben: It will be more money for you to buy things!
Me: …
Ben: What will it take?
Me: A good kiss at a time of my choosing.
Ben: Your choosing can not fall between the hours of midnight and 5:00AM.
Me: Deal.

What’s funny is as we got up from the table I said, “I want the kiss now” and he leaned in to kiss me! A GOOD KISS! In the middle of a busy restaurant! I laughed and walked away but after every kiss today I keep having to establish that that was not The Kiss.

Sometime this afternoon while at my computer:

Me: I’m going to go to Target to get a duvet cover now.
Ben: Okay.
Me: Do you care what I get?
Ben: No.
Me: What about this one?
Ben: No.
Me: What about this one?
Ben: *horrified face*
Me: What!?
Ben: Pick one you think we’d both like.
Me: But I don’t care what you like.
Ben: …

When I got back from Target, with no duvet cover:

Me: But look at these cute skirts I got! They were only $20 and buy one get one half off!
Ben: How much did you end up spending?
Me: Around $100.00?
Ben: *I can see him doing the math in his head* Uhhh…
Me: Well, I mean, I got other stuff too that we NEED. Like cat food!
Ben: What else did you get that we NEED?
Me: Candles?
Ben: How much did the stuff cost that we NEED?
Me: $100.00?
Ben: Honey!?
Me: This is exactly why women don’t tell their husbands what they buy when they shop.
Ben: …
Me: *quickly walks away*

While laying in bed discussing tomorrow’s plans:

Me: So. Tiling tomorrow?
Ben: Yep. Want to get up early?
Me: Define early.
Ben: You define it.
Me: Lets eat breakfast at 9:00 and then start tiling right after?
Ben: So, EATING at 9:00?
Me: Yes.
Ben: Okay. (He totally does not believe this is going to happen.)
Me: I just need you to wake me up at 8:30.
Ben: Set an alarm.
Me: NO! Alarms are so harsh and mean.
Ben: There is no way I could ever wake you up without you being a…
Me: NO! Just say “Good morning, you look so beautiful this morning. Time to get up and…”
Ben: Aaaaaaand, switch flipped.

Living with me is it’s own kind of fantastic torture.

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