Today as we were leaving Target Cassidy asked me, “What are you going to do in two years when I graduate and move away and you have to return your own cart at the store?” It reminded me that I started this list of Reasons to Have Offspring but never followed up on it so now it’s time to pick it back up again.
- Halloween Candy!
- To return your shopping carts
Because lets be honest, that shit is tedious and time consuming and why hasn’t somebody automated this yet? Self driving carts. GET ON THAT, STARTUP PEOPLE! It also reminds me that I started a Worst Kind of Human List and this is relevant to that too.
- Crack addicts
- Carpool Lane Abusers
- People that don’t pick up their dog’s poop at the dog park.
- People that touch me for any reason unless you are somebody I don’t hate (and even then don’t touch me).
- People who don’t return their carts at the grocery store because I’m too lazy to get out of my car and move it so that I can park there.