The secret to a happy marriage is passive aggressive notes left in the bathroom. You’re welcome.

Awhile ago I posted this on Facebook because somebody in my house had committed the Unforgivable Sin.


I let it go for awhile but just the other day somebody else comitted the Unforgivable Sin and I had to remind those that life within my home that this sin is NOT ACCEPTABLE and is punishable by sudden death. Or really painful wedgies. Or really loud yelling. Or SUDDEN DEATH.

To which I was greeted last night by this:


That was his “elegant solution”. My elegant solution was brain matter all over the living room walls when my GODDAMN HEAD BLEW UP FROM FURY.

He looked at me like there wasn’t even a big glob of my brain about to drip off his face and was all..

Ben: What? You are so crazy about the “right way” and I don’t want to have to guess the right way so PROBLEM SOLVED.
Ben: Now there is no “wrong” way because there ISN’T a way.
Ben: *shrug*

So today I solved this little issue:

Problem: SOLVED.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.

About three months ago I started to feel tired a lot. I was under a lot of stress and just assumed that once everything settled back down I’d be fine. It started here, was followed by work stress then a lot of traveling and through it all I just kind of pushed through, kept my chin up and soldiered on and 17 other puns you don’t need to hear.

About two months ago I got REALLY sick. High fever, throwing up, BAD BAD BAD EVIL HORRIBLE flu. I was down for about four days but I noticed that my fever never really went away. It was hovering between 99.5 and 100.5 all the time. So after about two weeks of that I went to Urgent Care and was like, TEST ALL THE THINGS. They took blood and urine and a throat culture and were like, you are fine. No, 100 degree fever for almost a month is NOT fine. So they told me to make an appointment with my general practitioner but when I asked what she was going to do she said, “Probably exactly what we just did.” Ummm, okay. Thanks but I think I’ll pass, I’m sure I’ll get my bill in the mail.

I was frustrated and stubborn and decided that I was fine because doctors are assholes and I really didn’t see the need to go through all that all over again to be told NOTHING again. But the fever persisted, I was more and more tired and I could just “feel” that something wasn’t right. I decided that I was going to need more in-depth testing and we have a PPO so I don’t need prior authorization to see specialists and felt that getting a papsmear was the best first step. When I called to make the appointment the scheduler told me that it had only been 8 months since my last pap and my insurance wouldn’t cover it but we switched insurances so technically according to them this was my first pap EVER. Then she told me that it was kind of silly to have a pap after only 8 months because women my age are are recommended to come in every 2 to 3 years and at that point I wanted to reach through the phone and pull her larynx out. Instead I told her that I was running out of birth control and if she didn’t make the appointment I was going to become pregnant and send her the bill for the next 18 years of counseling and she was like, “We have an appointment on July 12th please come in then.”

I got the call about a week after the appointment that my pap came back with some abnormal cells and that I’d need to come in for a colposcope on August 2nd. I’ve had the colposcope before and normally I would not have been too concerned, they always came back fine and it just seemed like an unnecessary annoyance, but for some reason this time I was worried. I tried to keep my game face on but the tiredness was really starting to get to me and even though I was getting great pep talks from Ben, like I said before, I just FELT like something wasn’t right.

At the end of the colposcope the doctor, who I LOVE, told me that she really wasn’t concerned. There was a moderately large spot on my cervix but she was sure, having been only 9 months from my last pap, this was very likely a low to MAYBE a low/moderate dysplasia, she wasn’t worried but she could either call or email me Monday with results. I told her to just email me because I was sure she’s a busy person and everything looked fine. She said that the dysplasia COULD be causing the fever and tiredness but that would usually only present in the case of severe dysplasia or cancer so she said once we had the results I could go from there. In the meantime, boost my immune system stay on top of my multivitamin and up my antioxidants.

Then Monday came and went. I tried not to worry. Ben tried to get me to not focus on it.

Then Tuesday came and went.

Then finally on Wednesday I was in a meeting when my phone rang with an unknown number and I just KNEW it was the doctor. She left a voicemail saying she needed to talk to me and that she had gone ahead and emailed me too. The email was short: I left you a message, please call back as soon as you can, it’s severe dysplasia and the reason it took a few extra days is because I had two more pathologists check the results.

When I was finally able to get ahold of her that afternoon she told me that in the 10 years she’s been doing gynecology, she had never seen severe dysplasia present in 9 months. The first pathologist couldn’t believe it so he sent the colposcope sample to a second and when my doctor learned it, she sent it to a third. Whatever is growing on my cervix, it’s growing fast and it’s at the high end of the severe scale and cancer is inevitable and I need to come in and have the LEEP done. Sooner rather than later. She schedule me an appointment for September 13th which seemed WAY TOO FAR away for me but she wants me to have it done my a specific doctor and the only other time she has available is right when my body is NOT (girls get what I mean here). Also, this is probably EXACTLY what is causing my fever and tiredness because these cells are growing “aggressively” and my body is “reacting”.

She kept circling back to how this was really good news. It’s not cancer yet. I was proactive. I didn’t listen when they told me it was too soon to come in. If I had waited and not come in for another year, of course she can’t say for certain, but this would very likely have been MUCH WORSE than what we are dealing with now. Like: cancer. Like: Full hysterectomy, if not more radical treatment.

So that’s where I am right now. I really haven’t been online as much as I normally am. I’ve been tired ALL THE TIME. I come home from work and I am just physically exhausted. One day last week I didn’t even have the energy to climb the stairs to change out of my work clothes. I walked in the door, took my temperature, swallowed some aspirin, walked to the couch and was asleep in less than a minute. In my work clothes. It’s such a different scale of “tired” than I’ve ever dealt with. I was telling Ben the other night that I know my Depression Tired. Depression Tired for me is having the energy to DO stuff, just not caring and sleeping because it’s easier than dealing with life. This is a whole body, to the core, bones achingly, entire existence kind of tired.

But again, I push through as best I can. I still have Cassidy to take care of, dinners to cook, dogs to walk, laundry to clean, WORK. Things have fallen through the cracks and luckily Ben and Cassidy have been SO GOOD about being really supportive and helping out and I can’t tell you how lucky I feel every day to have the amazing little family I have. Until now only a small handful of people knew what was going on and I was just going to keep it to myself till after the LEEP but another huge part of me just wanted it OUT THERE IN THE WORLD.

So there. It’s out there. I’m going to be fine, the LEEP will 100% get rid of the cells. For the next 2-3 years I’ll have to go in for a pap every 4 months and *fingers crossed* this will never come back and I will be fine. If it DOES come back at some point, then I’ll have to take more aggressive action so we are just going to believe that it’s NOT GOING TO COME BACK, HEAR THAT, BODY!?

Recipe: Shakshuka

Recipe: Shakshuka I first came across this recipe when @LinzLuvs posted about it on Twitter. You can find the original recipe on Smitten Kitchen. The first time I made it Ben was hooked and he’s asked for it once a week since. Cassidy loves it too but she’s not a fan of runny yolks so she leaves her egg in to cook a few minutes longer than we do.

The original recipe calls for 1/4 cup of olive oil which I do not find necessary, 2 tablespoons has been enough for me. It also calls for onion and you should add that if you like onion. They give Ben migraines so we have to either use really mild white onions or none at all and this recipe has enough spice and flavor that I really don’t find them necessary. I also drop the feta cheese because I’ve found the egg yolk adds enough creamy fatty flavor. Lastly, I don’t do whole canned tomatoes because it seems silly to me to get whole tomatoes and hand crush them. Instead I start with diced tomatoes and immersion blender half of them because I like it to be a bit saucy.

One of the best things about this recipe is not even how good it tastes, it’s the COST. It’s CHEAP to make. Never let anybody tell you that cooking healthy has to be expensive. Minus the oil and spices (since we always have them on hand anyway) the total cost for 4-6 servings is:

$1.89 – Canned tomatoes
$1.87 – Eggs
$1.59 – Anaheim peppers
$0.50 – Cilantro bunch
$1.00 – Garlic

The second best part about this recipe is the nutritional content which I’ve broken down here assuming for five servings:

Calories: 196
Carbs: 13 grams
Fat: 12 grams
Protein: 9 grams

Now, the cost and nutritional content don’t account for the carb you put this over but we stick with either brown rice or quinoa (which also adds more protein!) so you can add that in yourself but even with this, this is a super healthy and lean meal.

So there ya go! Hope you all enjoy! Let me know if you make it or make any changes, I’m always looking for BETTER options!

Recipe: Shakshuka


2 tablespoons olive oil
7 Anaheim chiles stemmed, seeded, and finely chopped
5 cloves garlic, crushed then sliced
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon paprika
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes, undrained
dash of Garlic Dude Dust (you can use salt here)
5 eggs
1 bunch chopped cilantro

Heat oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Add chiles (and onions if you are using them) and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and golden brown, about 6 minutes.

Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka

Add garlic, cumin, and paprika, and cook, stirring frequently, until garlic is soft, about 2 more minutes.

Recipe: Shakshuka

Put 1/2 the tomatoes and their liquid into a small bowl and use an immersion blender to liquify them then add them back to the can. Add all tomatoes and their liquid to skillet along with 1/2 cup water, reduce heat to medium and simmer, stirring occasionally until thickened slightly, about 15 minutes. Season sauce with Garlic Dude dust (or salt).

Recipe: Shakshuka

Crack eggs over sauce so that eggs are evenly distributed across sauce’s surface. Cover skillet and cook until yolks are just set, about 5 minutes. Using a spoon, baste the whites of the eggs with tomato mixture, being careful not to disturb the yolk.

Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka Recipe: Shakshuka

Serve over brown rice, quinoa or whatever you like. Once on a day when Ben wanted extra protein I served it over seasoned ground turkey. Sprinkle with cilantro just before serving if that’s your thing. We all happen to love cilantro but I know that most people have a love it or hate it relationship with cilantro. ENJOY!

Recipe: Shakshuka

Everything in food is science. The only subjective part is when you eat it.

One of the things I get asked the most via social media, via email and via chat is for recipes for the food I post online. I usually post pictures with a link to a recipe but I always have to include all the things I’ve changed about them and it can get kind of tedious because most of the time I’m doing it on the iPhone or iPad. And because I am me and I don’t like to follow directions I NEVER make a recipe exactly the way it’s called for. Like, ever.

Well, I do USUALLY when I’m baking but that’s a whole lot of science and ratios and you don’t mess with a good baking recipe.

Another reason I change almost every recipe is because I try to make things as healthy as possible. Now, this can’t ALWAYS be done (The Pioneer Woman’s Fettuccine Alfredo for example [which you MUST TRY because it is SO GOOD] has perfect ratios and should not be changed[1. Although, do yourself a favor and stir in some fresh julienne basil in the last second and top it with sprinkle of chopped thick cut bacon. TRUST.]) but I’ve found that substituting Truvia for sugar usually works, using corn starch to thicken instead of flour is great and most recipes that call for “a tablespoon or so” of butter generally don’t need butter at all.

So I’m going to start posting recipes here. I’m going to aim for one a week and I’ll link it on ALL THE INTERNET PLACES so that you can find them. I’m also going to set up a recipe subsection on the site with pictures and stuff so that they are easy to find.

Just a general disclaimer: I am not a food blogger. I don’t claim to be one at all. I’m just a busy working mom that likes to cook good healthy food for my family. Most of my photos will be taken at night with crap lighting and probably from my iPhone because DLSRs are clunky and require two hands and I am a COMPLETE KLUTZ so having one in the kitchen is always a little scary for me. In other words, don’t expect a lot from my photos. But make the food anyway because I promise if I take the time to post it here, it’s something I found is REALLY GOOD and you should TOTALLY EAT.


Today I took Cassidy and her BFF to one of those ceramics painting places but it was closed because they are remodeling. We were totes bumbed so Cassidy and her BFF suggested we go to see that new Step It Up movie and I lied and told them we wouldn’t make it to the theater in time even though the theater was like a block away from where we were. I felt bad for about half a second but then got over it because that’s the kind of movie I need some time to prep for. Like a marathoner trains for MONTHS before the big race, I need a good 24 hours before a Step It Up movie to, like, prepare. Mentally.

So then Cassidy was all, “Can we AT LEAST go to Micheal’s, SHEESH!?” And it seemed like a reasonable enough request and required no pep-talks or prior preparation time on my part so we went. After looking through posters and picking up some new craft FUN STUFF we left and started home.

Did you all know it’s garlic harvesting season? It totally is. And IT IS AWESOME. Our entire town smells like garlic. If you don’t like the smell of garlic I’m sorry that you suck so much and I’d also recommend to you that you never EVER visit Gilroy in July or August.

garlic truck

When they haul the garlic in from the fields it’s in these MASSIVE trucks and the sides are a metal mesh so you see THOUSANDS OF HAPPY LITTLE HEADS OF GARLIC on the way to the food processing plant in town and it’s such a glorious site. Today on the way home, in less than 10 miles, we saw four of these trucks. While stopped at a light, one passed in front of us.

Me: I totally want to Scrooge McDuck that shit.
Cassidy: Whatever THAT MEANS!
Me: You know, Scrooge McDuck! Like in his money vault!
Cassidy: I think you’ve finally lost your mind.
Cassidy: …
Cassidy: You realize we aren’t alone in the car, right?
Me: *sigh*

So I did the only logical thing. I pulled up the Duck Tales intro on YouTube, plugged the iPhone into my car stereo, turned the volume to 60 and sang along. Every word. By heart. BECAUSE I AM THAT AWESOME.

Good luck getting that out of your head anytime soon.

After the music stopped Cassidy and her BFF were dead silent for about 30 seconds.

Cassidy: Dude, that was horrible.
Me: What are you talking about!? That was AWESOME! That was when cartoons HAD intros! That were AWESMOME.
Cassidy: That was horrible. I feel sorry that you had such crappy cartoons when you were a kids.
Cassidy: Lame.
Me: Dude, Scrooge McDuck could dive into his money vault, swim a lap then tell you exactly how much money he had. All Spongebob can do is make Crappy Patties.
Cassidy: We are not related anymore.
Me: Good, move out or start paying rent.
Cassidy: On second thought, I bet that was a pretty good TV show!

I would say there’s a lesson here but the only one I can come up with is that it’s really easy to manipulate your teenager into agreeing with you by threatening to no longer feed or support them and that seems kind of mean. Although, anybody that actually HAS a teenager would realize this is just a means to an end. Well, a means to sanity at least. I should totally write a parenting book on raising a teenager except that I really have no clue what the hell I’m doing half the time. That’s really her fault though because raising a female teenager is a lot like trying to predict earthquakes or tornadoes. It’s really just a hope for the best but prepare for the worst (and learn early that you can get a tornado to change it’s path by threatening to take it’s cell phone away) kinda situation.

What I’m saying is, make sure your kids watch lot of cartoons that don’t suck and never let them get any older than three because that’s when they really start to have opinions and it’s basically all downhill from there.

You’re welcome.

Fear of something is at the root of hate for others, and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.

In my head this is how I want this post to go:

Dear America,

Don’t be a dick.

<3, Antigone

In reality, I think it’s going to take more words. And ALL CAPS. And annoying segmented sentences.

Before I even start I want to be very clear that I’m not basing my judgement on Chick-Fil-A’s president’s words. Although I believe they were ignorant and extraordinarily misinformed, he has the right to express his own opinion. I think I am smart enough to separate The Man from The Brand and while I don’t agree with what he said AT ALL, I DO believe he has the right to say it.

The reason I don’t like CFA is not because of the bigoted words of one man, it’s because the company supports hate and that is not something I am willing to sit by and ignore. Let’s look at some numbers:

In 2009 alone, WinShape (Chick-Fil-A’s Charitable Arm) donated $1,733,699 to multiple anti-gay groups:
Marriage & Family Legacy Fund: $994,199
Fellowship Of Christian Athletes: $480,000
National Christian Foundation: $240,000
Focus On The Family: $12,500
Eagle Forum: $5,000
Exodus International: $1,000
Family Research Council: $1,000

In 2010, WinShape donated $1,974,380 to a number of anti-gay groups:
Marriage & Family Foundation: $1,188,380
Fellowship Of Christian Athletes: $480,000
National Christian Foundation: $247,500
New Mexico Christian Foundation: $54,000
Exodus International: $1,000
Family Research Council: $1,000
Georgia Family Council: $2,500

You can learn all about those organizations from the source links but lets just look at one example to better understand what’s going on. In order to become a member of the Fellowship Of Christian Athletes you have to agree to their sexuality standards. This is a part of the application on their website along with a question asking how you address students when they question you about homosexuality:

God desires His children to lead pure lives of holiness. The Bible is clear in teaching on sexual sin including sex outside of marriage and homosexual acts. Neither heterosexual sex outside of marriage nor any homosexual act constitute an alternate lifestyle acceptable to God.
While upholding God’s standard of holiness, FCA strongly affirms God’s love and redemptive power in the individual who chooses to follow Him. FCA’s desire is to encourage individuals to trust in Jesus and turn away from any impure lifestyle.


They gave $980,000 to this ONE organization alone. This organization that WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU IF YOU ARE GAY. PERIOD.

This money was not donated by The Man, it was donated by The Brand. The CFA company donates this money from the profits it makes selling it’s food. Therefore, I will never (and HAVE NEVER) purchased anything from CFA. Now, up until the last few days I never mentioned this to anybody. For the same reason I never talk about the fact that I don’t shop at Walmart because of their support of anti-gay causes (and because it’s the most infuriatingly bullshit experience to have to shop there). And if I ever had a son I’d never allow him to be a Boy Scout because they won’t allow gays in the organization. I don’t feel like I need to tell people why I choose to support, or NOT support, a certain company because I assume if it’s important to people, they’ll do their own research and learn for themselves what they are, or are not, willing to support with their own money.

I was happy never going to or discussing CFL. When CFL president Dan Cathy went on the air and made baseless outrageous claims about how “damaging” same sex marriage is and this all blew up in the media, I just kind of sat back and watched for a few days to see where it all going to go and I have to admit, I wasn’t at all surprised to see this turn into what it did but I was completely disgusted by what happened all across America yesterday.

And here is where I differ from a lot of people. I do not see this as a 1st Amendment issue. Dan Cathy can stand in front of CFL store and preach his hate all day long. I am FINE with that. What I do not, and will never get, is this outpouring of people willing to rally around that message.

Everybody that knows me, online or off, knows that I am a loud mouth pain in the ass. I have very strong convictions and I will stand up for what I believe in. ALWAYS. I will also not stand by online (or in real life) and watch while people virtually spit in the face of the people I care about when all they are trying to do is LOVE. Bullying is a huge problem. We teach our kids not to be complacent. We’ve told Cassidy that standing by and NOT saying something when she sees it happening makes her just as guilty as the offending bully.

But somehow we live in a country where it’s okay to just look the other way. Where apparently our freedom of SPEECH is MORE IMPORTANT than the freedom to get married and commit your life to the person you love. It makes me very sad. Sad that we look back 47 years ago and think it’s ridiculous that it was ILLEGAL for interracial couples to get married but then turn and look the other way and ignore the fact that THE VERY SAME THING IS HAPPENING. RIGHT NOW. TODAY.

It makes me sad that people decided that the time to “stand up and fight” was in the fight against love. Men are shooting up movie theaters because medical and mental health care in this country are a fucking joke. AMERICAN CHILDREN are starving. Dogs are being bred to FIGHT TO THE DEATH. Homeless people are freezing to death on the streets in the winter… but hundreds of thousands of people yesterday thought it was important to fight for one man’s right to publicly deny a group of people the right to love who they choose.

I am sad that this is the world my daughter is going to grow old in. My only hope is that one day she, or at least my grand kids, will look back and write blog posts about how ridiculous it is that there was a time when gay people were not allowed to get married.

In the mean time I think that everybody should go read this blog post:

The Chick Fellatio: stuck in the craw
“So stand up. Stand up for us. Do the right thing. You don’t have to agree with us on everything, but repudiate Chick-Fil-A. Unlike them on Facebook. Withdraw your support for them. Join us in the boycott. If you can’t do that, then please ask yourself whether I’m your friend. In fact, ask yourself whether anyone is.”