Just in case you didn’t know, today is Thursday.

I spent all day today thinking it was Wednesday. It doesn’t make any sense because I ate my leftover salad from OD’s for breakfast and OD’s isn’t open on Tuesdays so it had to be at LEAST Wednesday yesterday. But sure enough, all day long I did the tasks I usually try and get done on Wednesday. Which also doesn’t make any sense because I just did all that stuff YESTERDAY.

To most people this would seem, like, AIRHEAD ALERT but to me it’s just… a Thursday? I lose stuff ALL THE TIME. I never REALLY know where anything is. Like, I’m 93% certain I know where my car key is right now. I’m 43% certain it’s on the glass table where it SHOULD be but I’m 25% certain it might be on the kitchen table where I set my purse all the time instead of glass table and I’m 25% certain it’s on the dog crate where I often throw things the second I get in the door because CARRYING THINGS IS SO DIFFICULT. SERIOUSLY!

Anyway, it’s Thursday. It has been all day. And I’m 63% certain I’ll spend all day tomorrow thinking it’s Thursday too.

The End.

In which I want to punch every HGTV host who’s ever said “You can do it, it’s so easy!” right in the face.

Okay so I’m going to TL;DR this weekend now and finish the full recap which I actually started a week ago. Yes, for this weekend. It’s a story, because NOTHING we do can every be done WITHOUT a story.

It started with Ben waking me up 8 days ago with a HAREBRAINED IDEA, in the middle somewhere there was about 10 minutes when I thought we’d be stuck in our bedroom FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES and then ends with me covered in paint and READY FOR BED.

We started with this:


And ended with this:


The journey along the way was… terrific.

Somewhere in all this terrificness we accidentally bought this too:


It’s pretty awesome and will go in the living room to get rid of the horrid gold pool table lamp the previous owners had. We don’t have a pool table and I REALLY HATE gold fixtures and after 2.5 years I will not be sad to see it go. At all. It’s been ruining perfectly good pictures for TOO LONG.


It will be here in a week and because it has to be installed in the middle of the ceiling TWO FLOORS UP, we are going to pay our badass (and cheap) handy man to install it. We don’t have a ladder that goes that high and honestly, if we take eight days and 75,398 cuss words to install ONE DOOR, we really have no business being that far off the ground. With electricity.


Friday Five: Unreasonable

FRIDAY FIVE! Go do it, yo!

1. What’s something you have an unreasonable fear of?
Death. Very, very unreasonable. I don’t like the finality of it. And also, what if I’m in the middle of a TV series? I have this irrational need to know how things end.

2. What’s something you have an unreasonable fondness for?
Chocolate. It’s criminal.

3. What’s something you have an unreasonable disliking for?
People touching me. DO. NOT. WANT. When people talk to you and, like, grab your arm or brush against you in a crowd, it makes me almost physically ill. Like, vomity.

4. Who’s most likely to bring out the unreasonable in you?
Bad drivers. How hard is it to use a damn turn signal, people!?

5. Who’s the least unreasonable person you know?
Ben. Hands down. That man is easily the most level headed, reasonable person I know which is great because it balances out my extreme unreasonable-ality-ness.

I just made that word up. #WINNING

I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake.

So I really love my iPhone. I’m an early adopter! I had an original iPhone! Then didn’t get the 3G because we had to go and buy a HOUSE and Ben was all PRIORITIES!! HOUSE BEFORE TOYS! But I got the 3Gs pretty much as soon as they were available. Then it was stolen while eating at Jerome Bettis Grille 36 in Pittsburgh and I was SO SAD. Then I got another one. Then my amazing and awesome husband made up for all that nazi house buying before toys business by sitting outside an AT&T store at the crack of dawn in the cold to get me the iPhone 4 the day they came out.

Anyway, I have always loved them. Really, really loved them.

Then the damn time went and changed on me.

So. I know that there were a lot of people that had problems with iPhones around time changes, or for some reason on New Years they went all wonky temporarily, but they seemed to get all the bugs worked out pretty quickly.

And then mine had to go and turn into a raging, hormonal, demonic asshat.

When I got up last Sunday I checked my phone and was happy to see that it had changed time perfectly. I hugged it and pet it and told it I loved it and we spent a beautiful Sunday frolicking around town and shopping and eating like BFFs do.

And then Monday morning for some unexplained reason she turned on me and our relationship at this point is barely hanging on by a thread.

(Back story: Cassidy’s alarm clock died late last week so I had to gave her mine and had been using my iPhone to get up every day.)

Monday: My alarms didn’t go off. Not a HUGE deal because I still woke up in time to get to work. Knowing that in the past you just had to delete your old alarms and create new ones, I did that and knew that the next day we’d be back on track. I even set one to go off at 3:30AM because I was all motivated to GET UP EARLY and work out! WOOHOO! THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!

Tuesday: My alarms didn’t go off. I had the one set for 3:30AM and another set for 4:15AM. Neither went off. I woke up at 5:27AM. I have to be out the door by about 5:10AM to get to work on time. We had a very serious conversation on the way to work about where our relationship was headed and how trust is something easily broken and not soon forgotten or fixed once it’s lost. I thought she listened. I thought we had synced. (HA! See what I did there!?)

I was wrong.

I also deleted all my alarms and set only one up to go off at 4:15AM. And BOUGHT AN ALARM CLOCK. I figured that eventually it would start working correctly again, but in the mean time I was going to start relying on the awesome multi color glowing alarm clock I got at Target.

Aside: I got a Timex Color Changing Alarm Clock and when I plugged it in it was LATE and admittedly I had a bit of an issue getting it set up. IT WAS LATE. Ben had to help me once or twice (or seven times) and I set it down and he was like, “So, it glows? Can you turn that off now?”

TURN IT OFF!? It CHANGES COLORS! Why in the hell would you want to turn it off!? Well, the good news is that according to the reviews on Target’s website, the glowey awesomeness is only going to last a week or two. Sadness, I’ll HAZ it.


Wednesday: Apparently buying an awesome glowey alarm clock kind of upset her because not only did she go off at 4:30AM, the same time as my alarm clock, she first went off at 3:30AM! EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO ALARM SET FOR 3:30AM!

3:30AM is REALLY DAMN EARLY! You know, in case you didn’t know that. And not only that but since it was 3:30AM(!!) I kept hitting the SNOOZE button instead of the SHUT THE HELL UP button and it might have gone off three times. And I couldn’t just TURN THE DAMN THING OFF because… it wasn’t actually THERE in the menu to turn off!

Ben said something at that point that involved my phone and an outlet on the southern region of my body that was not nice and I can not mention here.

That was a really long day.

Then, at one point that day I started my Netflix app to show something to Cassidy and she was all HA! YEAH, RIGHT! CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT GLOWEY PIECE OF CRAP ALARM CLOCK! NO NETFLIX FOR YOU!


Thursday: THERE IT IS! 3:30AM ALARM.


I was seriously about .184 seconds away from throwing it against the wall. Instead I just took a deep breath and turned the phone completely off so it wouldn’t go off again. And so Ben would not perform the act I talked about earlier involving my southern region.

I synced her for the first time in a week today. You’d think that after, like, Monday I’d have done that but that’s what a person WHO HAD GOTTEN SOME SLEEP would do and I was not that person. Since then, Netflix is like OKAY FINE I guess we’ll work.

If for some reason though you see a mushroom cloud over the Bay Area at around 3:30AM tomorrow? It will be safe to assume that it’s Ben’s head exploding.

Also, I will admit freely, the reason I didn’t actually throw it against the wall is because if I did it would make it somewhat difficult to feed my Tiny Wings addiction.

<3 LOVE!

Oh you silly tiny winged bird, how I love you. Love you enough to forget about the fact that I haven’t gotten more than four hours of sleep in FOUR DAYS.

Four. Days.


This is why I drive a Pius.


When we finally got word that the insurance company was going to total the M3 I cried. Like, actual tears. I LOVED that car. I loved the sound of air rushing through my cold air intake, into the motor and rumbling out through my twin can exhaust. I loved the feel of taking onramps a little too fast and never being scared the car couldn’t handle it. And I ABSOLUTELY loved the feeling of sinking into my seat at the slightest romp on the gas pedal…

One thing I did NOT love: Keeping it gassed up.

Like any good sports car, she was a gas hog and every three days when I filled her up it hurt my heart. And my pocket book. And the Earth would groan and flip me off.

So when we heard that she was going away for good my initial thought was “I am totally getting another BMW!” Then Ben and I sat down and started calculating. And talking. And debating. And more talking and finally we realized that what we really needed was to be spending less money. At the time Ben was still not working and we were hitting REALLY LOW NUMBERS in our checking account.

So we bought a Prius.

After about a month I FINALLY got used to my car turning off and becoming completely silent at stop lights. The first time it happened I got a little concerned. Actually, to be completely honest I was like WHAT THE FUCK MY CAR IS ALREADY BROKEN. Then I took my foot off the brake and it moved and I was like OMG IT’S SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! CRAZY!

Also, keyless entry and keyless push button start is so easy to get used to. I never take my keys out of my purse EVER. And I used to lose my keys about three times a day but I never lose my whole purse! And on board GPS is great! And the carpool lane? There are NO WORDS for the love affair I have started with the carpool lane. We are exclusive and I DO NOT SHARE.

And then there’s this:

This is why I drive a hybrid.

This is the real reason we bought the car. So here is the quick and easy breakdown for what is costs to drive JUST TO WORK and back every day. This does not include trips to see my mom (40 miles round trip), to take Cassidy to her dad (220 miles round trip) or our every day running around.

100 miles a day to work
23 MPG
$4.09 per gallon of supreme gas.
$355.65 per month

100 miles a day
44 MPG
$3.85 per gallon of regular gas
$175.00 per month

We got $7000 for the M3 and used $4000 from our tax return to cover the rest so we had no car payment (we had no payment on the M3 either). In one year my gas savings is $2167.00 so a little less than two years the gas savings will pay for the car itself.

It might not go fast, it might be slow as a snail when taking onramps and it might look like a dirty bean driving down the street but my pocket book has been a LOT less grumpy since we got this car.

Also, the Earth has stopped punching me in the face every time I stop at a gas pump.

Reekend Weecap.

I have a REALLY REALLY REALLY long post mostly written that I can’t post publicly. I’ll probably finish it up in the next few days, set my twitter to private for a day or two and tweet the password, then delete the tweet and make twitter public again.


Not mine. Well, kind of mine in that it involves Cassidy but not mine to share publicly. But man, writing is cathartic and I needed to get it all out that way because my head was about 30 seconds away from BLOWING THE FUCK UP for two days.

Ben and Kumo walking by the levy.

SO. Life has been, you know, life. Friday Cassidy spent the night at a friend’s house and then the night was… long. Saturday was running errands, a nice long walk down on the levy with Ben and the dogs, lunch with Bob, Judy and John and a movie that Ben’s been wanting to see for awhile[1. 3:10 to Yuma. I liked it! I didn’t think I would because I’m not usually a huge western fan but I’m wondering now if I didn’t give them a proper chance. I’m going to have to watch a few more now just to be sure.].

Today was breakfast with Melanie and Kim, laundry, a NICE LONG NAP then dinner at Fresh Choice because Cassidy got to choose dinner and it’s her FAVORITE. We just finished up watching Big Trouble in Little China with Cassidy and now that she’s in bed, we are catching up on TV we missed throughout the week. Like Spartacus which you can’t really watch with a 12 year old. heh

It’s a really good thing I don’t blog every day, you’d be like DO YOU EVERY DO ANYTHING INTERESTING!? And the answer is yes. ALL THE DAMN TIME. Eventually Cassidy won’t be a sensitive tween anymore and embarrassing her on my blog will be common place again. 😉

In the meantime, here she is being cute in one of those rare moments she doesn’t have that ever present look of “OMG WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY PICTURE WE ARE IN PUBLIC YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW ME” on her face.

Cassidy got to pick dinner tonight as a reward for getting all her chores done WITHOUT being reminded.