I had to go to campus today to get my annual TB test. If you work for the hospital you have to have one every year. It’s some kind of Supreme Bullshit Rule handed down by some Supreme Bullshit Hospital Ruler. The thing is, I DON’T WORK AT THE HOSPITAL! I don’t even work FOR the hospital, I work for the PHYSICIANS but apparently they’re all totally against that SEMANTICS stuff and are all pissy and threaten to withhold your paycheck if you don’t have the test done. Normally with something like this I’d not get it in protest of The Supreme LAMENESS but when they threaten to take away my money I fold like *insert witty folding thing here*. I work about a mile off campus and the only time I ever set foot in the hospital is for my annual TB test!
The good thing (to me, I guess this really depends on how much you hate blood) is that they just draw blood now instead of the normal prick that you have to have checked again within three days. But they take THREE VIALS of blood for ONE TB test?! I really don’t think so. I’m pretty sure they are testing for drugs too but unless they look down on quadruple doses of Tylanol Sinus I’m pretty sure I’m okay in that department.
A few months ago they had a fleet of nurses come to our off site building to administer flu shots. I was here that day but REALLY busy and the line was REALLY long and by the time I remembered to head over, they had already packed up. So when I was there today the Occupational Health Nurse Nazi screamed:
Nurse Nazi(NN): YOU NEVER HAD YOUR FLU SHOT!!
Me: It’s FEBRUARY! I think that flu season is pretty much over.
NN: You have to have a flu shot.
Me: It. Is. FEBRUARY.
NN: You have to have a flu shot.
NN: Flu shot.
Me: I don’t want it.
NN: You don’t WANT IT?!
Me: I would like to NOT have the flu shot. Isn’t there some kind of paperwork I can fill out to NOT have the it? Certainly you can’t FORCE somebody to take a flu shot.
NN: You have to have a valid medical reason or a religious belief against medicine, use of animal products or…
Me: Yeah, I have that, I want to not get the shot because of the animal thing.
NN: *sigh* Fine. You’ll have to fill out this paperwork.
NN: *pulls out a fucking EPIC NOVEL of paperwork so thick the staple hardly sticks through the back*
Me: Are you serious?
NN: *looks at me*
Me: Fine, I’ll just get the shot.
NN: There is still paperwork you have to fill out.
Me: I’d like to do whatever requires me to do the least amount of paperwork.
Had I actually been thinking I’d have double checked WHO would be giving me that shot. Turns out, it was the Nurse Nazi. And it hurt. And the slight smile as she shoved the plunger down a little bit faster than necessary gave her away, she enjoyed it. Also, I’d have remembered that last year I had that bastard shot and I got so sick that I missed an entire week of work and wrote out my last will and testament because I was certain such agony could only be caused by a DEATH PLAGUE.
When I got back to my office this was the exchange via google chat:
me: Motherfuckers made me get the flu vaccine too.
well, although it hurts like a mofo, maybe it will help you
Sent at 1:58 PM on Thursday
me: Help me be PISSED!
me: I don’t have the flu. I have a sinus headache!
you don’t know exactly what you have
(to be objective)
me: If I get sick now I’m going to go down there and vomit on the carpet in occupations health’s office.
And be all “SEE THAT! THAT’S WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR FLU SHOT!”
Benjamin:: glad you’re taking this well