Last year, like ever single year before it, I swore that this year I’d make a more solid effort to beautify the outside world by planting… things? And I’ve planted lots and lots of things over the years! And most of them have died. Because planting things I can SO DO! Really well, actually. But killing things? I totally OWN at that.
This year I figured I’d just start out slow by trying to better NOT KILL the things around my house that are already growing. Like, the rose bushes in front of the living room window that I hate so much. But just because I hate them doesn’t mean that I should just let them die, right? Well, not until I rip them out of the ground which I plan on doing as soon as I can get over my debilitating fear of The Thorns. And it doesn’t mean that I’m going to let them fall prey to the 15,326,224,889 Aphids that are EATING THEM ALIVE. I know that’s the number because Ben questioned me so I counted.
So when he asked if I wanted to ride with him to OSH the other day I went along because I had… a plan. A plan which involved 1,500 vicious, blood thirsty and highly trained ladybugs.
Unfortunately I can’t give out all the specific details of Operation Eat The Aphids Till They Are Dead because it’s a highly protected and privately funded program and the fact that you simply know the name is putting you in danger. GRAVE DANGER! As a matter of fact, I might have to kill you when you’re done reading this.
What I can tell you is that Phase One of OETATTAD has turned out a little differently then I’d expected. When checking on The Clone Army the day after they were deployed I found that Phase One, previously dubbed Search and Destroy, has turned into Find The Nearest Leaf And DO IT.
Like, you know, DO IT. IT! SEX PEOPLE, I’M TALKING ABOUT SEX HERE!
Everywhere I looked there were vicious, blood thirsty and highly trained ladybugs DOING IT. All over the yard! Fraternizing among the troops! I didn’t ask, I shouldn’t have been told! What was going on!?
So I did what comes natural to any General in time of great despair. I grabbed my camera! I wasn’t able to post all the pictures because I was kind of worried that flickr would tag me as “unsafe”. Some of these pictures are pretty graphic, people. Five sets of ladybugs DOING IT in one frame is a little much for the general public to take on. Besides I’m pretty sure I can sell those to Playbug or Bugs Gone Wild for some good money.
All I can do not is hope that Phase One: Find The Nearest Leaf And DO IT leads to Phase Two: Feast Of The Ladybug Larvae.
PS – Nine days till MAUI!!!!! (That’s how I say Maui now. In all caps with 5 exclamation points behind it. Sometimes I even vocally BOLD it.)
*Title quote: Robin Williams