I’ve been trying to write this post for three days now but it’s just not happening the way I want it to. I can’t get the words to formulate correctly into sentences that properly convey what I’m trying to say and it feels like if I don’t say it correctly or enough or with the proper amount of conviction that its a failed attempt.
I’m going to try again and see how it goes.
Last Friday a parent at Cassidy’s school very RUDELY questioned Ben’s parental authority… in front of Cassidy. That’s really the nicest way I can say it. I tend to fill the sentences with F and C words when I tell it in person. Man, backspace keys rule.
In reality she basically said to Ben: “You’re not her father so you don’t make that decision.”
Seriously, five days later the emotion those words stir up are… violent. Caustic acidic emotions that I want to spit directly into her face. Instead when I saw her that afternoon when she tried to speak to me I kept it very short and sweet:
“Do not EVER presume to think you can tell my fiance or daughter who IS and IS NOT her parent. Ben has raised Cassidy for over HALF HER LIFE. He IS HER DAD.”
What is a dad? Is a dad somebody that makes sure her teeth are brushed every morning? Who takes the time to explain long devision over and over and over with he patience of a SAINT? Who makes her laugh so hard she turns red and cries? Who helps gang up on mom and frustrate her to the point of actual brain combustion? Who makes sure she gets to school on time? Who provides food, clothes, toys and health insurance?
I think so. And Ben is all those things and so much more. He does all those thing, not out of a sense of duty, but because he loves Cassidy. Blood or not, she is his daughter.
This is not to say that Troy is NOT her dad. He is. And Mary is her step-mom and Amber is still her grandma and Big Troy is still her grandpa.
Ben and I have both taken the time to explain “step” people to Cassidy before. She knows that Nana is my “step-mom” and that I have “step-sisters”. But she also knows that Papa loves my step-sisters as much as he loves me. Equal. Not less or more. And she understands that while one Nana is my “mom” and one Nana is my “step-mom”, we love both grandmas equally. And they both love us just as much back. To us, “steps” just equal more love! Why have ONE Nana when you can have TWO!?
You are an excellent father. I know that. You know that. Cassidy knows that. Anybody that truly knows you, knows that. When she does something she is so proud of she wants to burst, you are the first person she runs to tell. When she wants somebody to explain something thats really important to her, it’s you she turns to. When I have a question or a concern, you are the first person I turn to. When I start to second guess my parenting or a decision I’ve made, you are the first person I turn to.
You are not only her father, you are my equal partner in raising OUR child. She will be the product of our upbringing. I can’t tell you how thankful that I am that she has you in her life, that WE have you in our lives. I can’t keep every moron out there from saying idiotic things to you, but I can remind you that the three of us are one family and that I love you and I look forward to raising Cassidy together with you. Until the day she turns 18 and we kick her out of the house.