4 and counting.

Four years ago today Ben drove to Bakersfield and told me, “Move up with me or we need to move on.” So I moved up. And although there have been extremely difficult times along the way, I know without a doubt, that this is where I belong. Where I belonged for a long time BEFORE the move.

I can’t believe how much I’ve grown and changed in that time. When he showed up that day I was extremely depressed but refused to admit it. I was grasping at a very thin string to keep my head just high enough above the water to make the outside world think that I wasn’t completely drowning. I really didn’t care. I wanted to drown.

I know that Ben knew this. And I know that he knew what I needed was for somebody to slap me across the face and tell me to grow the fuck up already. So in his own, much more eloquent and civilized way, he did that. He had to do it again one weekend recently. Depression is an odd playmate.

I have no doubt that Ben knows me better than I know myself. He also believes in me more that I believe in myself and he combines these two things into a wicked mind game. Wicked good though! Because it startles me sometimes how transparent I am to him and how easily he can manipulate that to my own advantage. Yes, MY advantage. I know. At some point I hope I’m able to help you understand it better but for now try, okay?

Anyway, since we don’t have a real anniversary date, I wanted to take this chance to say: Happy Anniversary, Lover. I’m still thankful every day that I have you. I love you for being such a wonderful man, an outstanding father, as patient as the day is long and for making me laugh and smile every single day. (k) 🙂

3 thoughts on “4 and counting.

  1. I was in a mushy mood when I read this so I refrained from commenting. However, can I say Yay Ben for putting her in her place and making her move?

    And uh when are we going to be graced with an update here?

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