One more fickrite added to the family.

Holy shit!! Hell finally froze over (and boo to that because I hate the idea of spending eternity IN THE COLD) and Ben FINALLY registered a flickr account! I’ve only been hinting that he do this for about… 2 years now!

People ask me why he never comments on my pictures and hardly ever on my blog posts and the answer is: Because his computer desk is directly next to mine. He doesn’t need to type things out because he can use his actual voice and mouth and stuff. Crazy, right?! Ben is my biggest critic and I don’t say that in a bad way. He often praises me highly for things that I’ve done well, or right, or just don’t totally fuck up. But he also gives me honest opinions when I ask for them, and sometimes when I don’t.

This is how it usually goes:

Me: What do you think of this so far?
Me: *points to Photoshop mock up of theme for WordPress*
Ben: Ummm.
Me: Be honest. I’m serious, I want your honest opinion. What do you think?
Ben: It’s too pink.
Me: To PINK!? How is that even possible?
Ben: *looks at monitor, then back at me, then back at monitor*
Me: I’m serious, I want an HONEST opinion.
Ben: I gave you one!
Me: You said it was too PINK! It’s not even DONE yet how could you know how PINK it’s going to be!? Maybe I’ll just change all the pink to YELLOW, THEN WHAT?!
Ben: It will be too yellow?
Ben: You are fucking crazy.
Me: Okay, maybe I’ll take some of the pink out.

About two weeks ago we kind of “got into it” because he left me a comment here that I thought was a bit on the harsh side. But I needed it. It was because I mentioned something here that I don’t normally talk about ever and made a comment along the lines of “nobody will ever understand” when I should have prefaced or finished the sentence with “because I don’t talk about it ever and don’t give them the chance”. Because if there’s one thing that Ben WILL do, it’s listen and understand. Even if it ends with him kicking me in the ass and telling me to GET OVER IT, he will listen and understand first. This is kind of my way of publicly telling him I’m sorry I was such an asshole about that situation.

So it’s not because he doesn’t read, he does. And sometimes he tells me, “Wow, that was a really great post.” And sometimes he tells me, “You SERIOUSLY think that?” And I welcome both forms of criticism. I just welcome one with open arms and the other with a drop kick to the head… and that’s something I’ve tried to work on for a long time and will continue to have to work on. I know that Ben is honest with me because he knows that it will make me a better writer, a better communicator and a better PERSON. I just need to work on remembering that in the moment when the words are first spoken.

And I could be totally wrong about why he doesn’t comment more, but I’m sure if I am, he’ll clear it up for me in a comment. πŸ˜‰

Shifting gears.

And now for a tomboy post. If you aren’t into total tomboyishness you might want to just skip to paragraph three. πŸ˜‰

Saturday morning Ben and I got up bright and early to install my new TSE exhaust on the M3. I’ve put off getting an exhaust on the car for a long time because I really love the sound the Conforti intake makes when you mash down on the accelerator. But Ben promised me that this exhaust was The Best Exhaust and I trust him so I told him to go ahead and get it. And I’m SO GLAD that I got it now. It’s throaty and mean when you really want it to but at idle it’s just a nice quiet rumble and hardly noticeable. It’s just, awesome.

Then, this morning we got up and put the Rogue Engineering short shift kit on and GOOD LORD!! It’s like I’m driving a whole new car. I swear it feels like the shift throw is MAYBE an inch. I can slam between gears so fast and I’m REALLY happy now to have the clutch stop on the car or there’s no way my feet could keep up. The process between clutch in, shift, back on gas is one fluid motion that’s over a second after it’s started. It’s just… amazing.


And as exhausted as I am, I decided that I’d make a flourless chocolate cake at 10:00PM. heh. So that comes out of the oven in about 20 minutes and them I an SO CRASHING OUT. I’m hoping that Cassidy and I can pick up a letterbox or two tomorrow and start the process of getting our own plated. πŸ™‚ AAAANNNNDD. She want’s her website back. So I need to do something about that. Eventually.

So I will be able to reference this when I need to here are the specs on the M3 to date:

1995 Alpine White M3 with black interior.
5 speed, sunroof, power windows, Vader seats.
107,650 miles

Intake: Conforti
Software: Conforti

Clutch Stop: UUC v3 Bigboy
Shifter: Rogue Engineering Short Shift Kit

Cat-back: Twin Silenser Exhaust

Wheels: 17″ BBS RGR W/Diamond black finish
Tires: Kumho Ecsta PSX 255/40/17
Stud Kit: Motor-force 60mm

Front Caster/camber adjustment: Ground Control Race
Front Shocks/Springs: Ground-Control Shortened Struts / GC Custom Valved Koni SA / Eibach 450lb – 2.5″
Rear Shock Mount: Ground-Control
Rear Shocks/Springs: Externally adjustable custom valved Koni SA / Eibach 525LB – 2.5″ / Ground-Control Ride Height Adjuster
Rear Trailing Arm Bushings: Stock w/limiters

Aesthetics / Body:
Spoiler: REMOVED (hopefully replaced soon)
Shift knob: UUC Motorwerks RK5
E-brake: UUC Motorwerks RK5
Headlights: HELLA Angel Eyes HID lights


Typical afternoon conversation:

After Ben explains to me his want need for some 5 gallon fuel tanks to put on the trailer full of 100 octane fuel. Keep in mind these are NOT the EPA regulated one’s because those one’s “flow to slow”…

Ben: I mean, you’ve heard me complain about having to pump gas and Laguna Seca because of how slow the pumps go.
Me: MmmHmm. So, if you get pulled over and they get taken away FULL OF FUEL, I don’t want to hear you complain.
Ben: PFFT!
Me: What?! That’s what you’d say to me!
Ben: Okay, I’m going to get 20 of them.
Me: What?! Why?!
Ben: I’m going to decorate the entire trailer with them.
Me: You’re going to wake up one day and see that I’ve painted your trailer pink.

He clearly ignored me when I said that which lead to…

Ben: Today is Jason’s birthday.
Me: Nobody told me!
Ben: I didn’t now either!
Me: We didn’t get him anything!
Ben: I asked him what he wanted and he said, “Something small.” He said something like the mirror I have for the track car so I asked him, “Anything more expensive than that”? So he said, “SURE! Rear control arms!!” So I said, “I gotta go!”
Me: HA! HA! We should totally get him a Chinese bride!
Ben: Okay, I’m getting off the phone now.
Me: You can get them online now!
Him: That’s not new, you’ve been able to do that for awhile.
Me: She can do his laundry for him. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving!
Ben: Ooookay, BYE!
Me: Bye!

So, apparently I AM a hiker. Maybe.

Ben and Lisa were chatting and decided that the four of us (Lisa, Stuart, Me, Ben) should all go hike Half Dome. Remember I referenced Half Dome in that one post where I mentioned Ben tried to KILL ME by making me hike up a volcano in Maui. It’s titled I am not a hiker. I used hiking Half Dome to reference how he is all Hiking God, and I’m like, a Hiking Pussy. Yeah, THAT Half Dome.

So in three weeks we are going to hike it.

me: Hike half dome in ONE DAY?
*hurts already*
Benjamin: well, I told lisa we’d need at least two weeks to get in shape
that’s around 3 weeks out
me: We better start TONIGHT
Benjamin: with emphasis on aerobics and legs
Me: Okay!

me: I might die.
On the hike.
Will you carry my body back to civilization.
Not leave me behind with an ice axe in my head?
Benjamin: Baby, you’re going to LOVE the axe

Yep, I’m totally going to DIE. So, this is my official written notice that when I die everything goes to Cassidy. Except the chair in the living room which I leave to Hans Stuck the WOnder CatΓ’β€žΒ’ since he’s the only one ‘allowed’ to sit on it. And the alcohol because she’s too young to enjoy it. I leave that to Cameron who is 18 and it’s high time he start drinking it in volume.

Speaking of alcohol:

me: It looks nice
And they have an elopement package for small weddings
Lisa: it does, i’d be game for a road trip there too
wedding reconn is MAD FUN
Lisa: because everyone’s trying to woo you
“come get married at my place so i get bank commission!”
me: Do you get lots of free alcohol? If so, we should TOTALLY do that
Lisa: woo woo woo
we should ask for a bar tasting
me: hjahah
Lisa: be like “we don’t really care what you feed us”
me: “No, we need to tast ALL the alcohol”
Lisa: “but beverages are TRES important”
me: “Does this martini go with my dress?”


They are having an “Ice Cream Social” at work today for some reason. Yesterday I asked what brand/flavor it would be so that I could check the ingredients prior to getting some and they said it would be the little cups. So I assumed it was the old fashioned kind that come with the little wood “spoon”. So I just verify that I can see the ingredients first and they say, “NO problem!”

Today I practically skip over to the lunch room to get my ice cream and… they are ice cream sandwiches. The big ones where the thick, creamy ice cream is sandwiched between two oversized chocolate/chocolate chip cookies. Double chocolata wrapped around ice cream. I fucking hate stupid ass wheat and is motherfucking stupid stupidness.

And it wouldn’t be do bad if THIS MORNING hadn’t been the morning that I found out, “SURPRISE! Starbucks MOCHA is NOT gluten free!” Drinks with Mocha or chocolate chips are the only NON gluten-free drinks they have. So I go to have my favorite drink (Mocha Frap) for the first time this season and I get sick for fucking HOURS and HOURS.

And I ate something between Sunday night and yesterday and I have hives all up and down my hands and arms. But I don’t know WHAT it is that gave them to me. I just have them.

I’m seriously so OVER this wheat thing. I feel like a a big part of my life has been taken away. I’m suddenly not allowed to eat all my favorite foods and I’m past the point where I’m happy I feel good and at a point where I’m just really fucking pissed off this is happening to me. Pissed off that I don’t know if I’m bloated because I’m PMS-ey or bloated because that little wheat bastard made into something I ate. I can’t READ MY OWN BODY anymore and I DON’T LIKE IT. I feel like I have no freaking control over what’s going on. I mean, I can control it to a point. I can TRY and make sure no wheat makes it in but there will NEVER be a 100% guarantee. At any point in time I can go from being fine to sick and bloated and running to the bathroom and horrendous headache and RASHES and just… WHATEVER.

I’m just pissed off…


Watching Carrielee and Cassidy together is magical. They love eachother SO MUCH. Cassidy looks up to her like she is a big sister. She wants to do everything Carrielee does. She want’s to talk like Carrielee talks. She wants to dress like Carrielee dresses. And Carrielee loves it. She’s like, ‘YES! Wear my pants, and my shoes, and let me do your hair, and I’ll put some blush on your cheeks, and hold my hand while we skip off into the perfect pink sunset!’

They were inseparable the entire weekend. When we got home from another fantastic Reid Family Dinner they sat on the couch and tickled eachother and told silly jokes with absolutely no meaning and farted (Reid Family Dinners will do that to ya! ;)) and laughed so hard they could hardly breathe. And that made me laugh so hard I could hardly breathe. So finally I told them, “OKay, it’s late, calm down!” So they stopped laughing for 2 seconds and fell instantly asleep. They do that. They wake up as soon as their little bodies are capable of movement and GO! FULL SPEED! FULL OF LAUGHTER!! till their little bodies can’t process anymore and they pass out, HARD, so that they can wake up as soon as possible to do it all over again.

They do this till I say it’s time to go and they both just fall apart. Cassidy did really well this time. Didn’t cry at all till we got home and it was time to go to bed and when I walked in her room she has gigantic tears welling down her face.

Me: What’s wrong, Baby?

I ask this even though I know the answer because I want her to talk about it.

Cassidy: I miss Carrielee.
Me: I know, Honey. Come here.


Me: I think it’s so awesome that you have a best friend that you love so much. That’s very special.
Cassidy: But it hurts my heart.

*heart shatters on the floor on a bazillion pieces*

I promised her that tomorrow (today [now TWO days ago because I suck and have sat on this post for three days]) we will call Carrielee and print out some of the pictures from the weekend to send to them. And I’m sure that once she’s back in the school routine and playing with her girlfriends that the hurt in her heart will lessen. I just think it’s so cool that she has such a powerful bond with somebody. And it’s even cooler that the somebody is named after me (she got her middle name from me) and who I got to watch be BORN and helped raise for the first few years of her life.

So maybe it’s something the four of us share. Amber, Me, Cassidy and Carrielee. I don’t think anybody will ever really understand us because even Amber and I are very different people, but there’s a connection I have with her and even though we don’t get to see eachother more than a handful of times a year, it’s just THERE. We went through A LOT together. We were eachother’s rock through times and through things that don’t ever leave you. At the core of it all, I think that knowing, loving, then losing Ada has bonded us in a way that can’t ever be broken. Her death is something I rarely talk about, even with Ben. It’s still a really painful memory. I should so that someday, though. I should write it all out before it becomes any more cloudy than it already is.

But, that’s for another day! The weekend was awesome and it was SO GOOD to get to see everybody again. Once I have pictures uploaded, I’ll make get a post up with all the fun stuff.

I have to start posting more for my dad who pointed out my lack of updates this weekend


I’m heading to Bakerfield for the weekend in a few hours. My cousin Sarah is getting married and her sister is throwing her a bridal shower. I’m excited to see all of my family. YAY!

Have a nice weekend everybody!

And important P.S. – I was not aware that today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. I wish I had more time to write but I just don’t right now. I will when I get home from the trip. In the meantime, go on over to Jennifer’s site to read more and show her love.

Lens Envy Redux

I’ve really been having a blast with the new macro lens. I’ve been wandering around outside after work (because it’s been SO. NICE. OUT.) and taking pictures of whatever captures my eye. It’s amazing what you don’t see when you look at something every day. When it’s magnified and blown up and almost 4000 pixels wide suddenly you see things you’ve never noticed before. Like how alive grape vines can look. Like they aren’t really wondering around looking for things to grasp, they know what they are doing and it’s all part of some calculated plan. I’m on to you, grapevines. OH YEAH! You heard me!

I joined Reese’s photography project. Partly because, MORE PICTURE TAKING YAY! And partly because she’s been Explore’d FIVE TIMES and I’m hoping some of her brilliant capture skillz rub off on me. I might be a little jealous. Or a lot. But, whatever.

If you are a girl and a photographer, either the casual picture taker or somebody hoping to be something great someday, you should get on over there and check it out. It’s a great group of girls and a fun project at the same time.




Lately I’ve been really, really, really, really bad about wheat consumption. Times four. I know that I can have it in small quantities. Very small quantities. So I’ll be like, “It’s okay to have this sandwich because I can take the top piece of bread off and that’s half the bread and I’ll be okay!” Then for dinner I’ll be all, “I only had that half a piece of bread so I’ll be okay to have a piece of pizza or two tonight.” Then I’m awake all night with horrible stomach cramps and the next say I’m SO TIRED and a little itchy… and this sandwich today only has that one slice of bread so I’ll be okay!

It’s a downward spiral and then one day I wake up and I can’t hardly stand to MOVE because I feel SO lethargic and my stomach has this constant dull pain and I have splotches of skin gross-ness popping up and MY GOD it ITCHES and my head hurts and I’m so bloated I can hardly button my pants and suddenly I’m running for the bathroom because my body is about to release an atomic bomb of PISSED.

Sorry for that! But you get where I was Monday morning. I seriously was at the point where I wanted to just take a knife and cut the dull pain out. Except, sharp pain probably sucks too. So instead of taking such drastic measures I decided it’s just time to stop eating wheat again. ALL WHEAT. No, have a little here and there. None. Cold turkey. FINITO!

And mother fucker it sucks balls.

So for the last two days I’ve been eating a lot of fruit and veggies and turkey and you’d think I was on some kind of stupid diet. Major Medical University had cake brought in for a whatever Celebration Of The Day it is today and no less than 7 girls asked me if I wanted cake and I got REALLY TIRED of having do say no. And then the exact same conversation:

Coworker: Are you on a diet?!
Me: No, I can’t have wheat.
Coworker: Oh! Atkins!
Me: No, I’m not on a diet. I just can’t eat wheat.
Coworker: Oh so, South Beach Plan?
Me: I’m ALLERGIC to wheat, I can’t eat it.
Coworker: I’ve seen you eat it before.
Me: *blink* *blink* Yes, I’m on a diet.

Yes, I’ve eaten cake before! And then I’ve spent the rest of the afternoon running for the bathroom and camping out in there for 20 minutes at a time. And then?! Then I go home and lay on the couch and moan and groan about how bad my stomach hurts and my head is pounding and when Ben asks me, “What did you have to eat today?” I have to fight the urge to impale the remote control into his head for being right again. I even told him I thought the doctor was a quack and didn’t know what he was talking about. This isn’t caused by wheat! I’ve been eating wheat all my life! I thought if I said it enough or somehow managed to convince Ben that maybe it would be true. But he just looked at me like, “Yep. Still crazy.”

But it is wheat. I feel better today than I’ve felt in the last month and it’s not generally the time of month I feel great. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* My stomach, after two days, almost feels normal. Almost. My head is hurting a little but I think that’s because everything is blooming right now and a little bit of sinus trauma is expected. It’s certainly not as bad as it was Sunday after having Eggs Alexandria. And toast. And flour dredged potato goodness. All at one meal… I’m so weak. And I paid for it by feeling like DEATH while we shopped.

I’m so weak and I REALLY have to fight things like chocolate cake covered in sugery goodness…

Me: Hi. Where are you?
Ben: Sil and I came to Mongolian BBQ.
Me: Awww man! I LOVE Mongolian BBQ!
Ben: Come have Mongolian BBQ with us!
Me: I can’t HAVE Mongolian BBQ! I called you to be whiny and complain that I can’t have cake and you are having Mongolian BBQ and now I don’t feel any better AT ALL.
Ben: Okay!
Me: Well, I guess I COULD have it, I’d just have to not put noodles in my bowl.
Ben: That would be great because you could get all the good stuff! Meat and veggies and…
Me: And egg flower soup! I love egg flower soup.
Ben: Yeah! See?
Me: Except I couldn’t have egg rolls.
Ben: No. But you COULD HAVE all the other stuff.
Me: Yeah, well I’ll let you go so you can eat the good stuff that I can’t have that’s good stuff.
Ben: Okay love you bye!
Me: Love you bye!

I hate you wheat. Hate you. (Not really I love you, please love me back?)

Where all the magic happens…


Yesterday Ben said we should go look at bedroom furniture. OKAY LETS GO RIGHT NOW YOU DON’T NEED SHOES!! LETS JUST GO! This man does NOT like to shop. At all. I think I got him into IKEA once and he had hives for the next four days. As a matter of fact, he might STILL have them! I’m kidding of course, but he might as well have because he’s flat out refused to go back since then. So when he said that it was like he wanted to fulfill some dirty fantasy and, really, who was I to not let him do that for me?

We went to Levitz first and the reason that we have only gone furniture shopping once before came back to me. We have TOTALLY different taste. I am all modern and clean lines and BLACK and light metal. “Industrial” is the word I’d used. Ben is very into light wood, soft lines… like contemporary class. I’m not really sure how to describe it and when I asked him he was no help. (HA! *winks at Ben*) So we really didn’t agree on anything there. But it wasn’t so much that we didn’t agree, but neither one of us saw something that really blew us away. Ben suggested going to Ethan Allen.

ETHAN ALLEN! I almost died. Not only is Ethan Allen at the MALL(!!) and he WANTED to go, but it’s ETHAN ALLEN. I can’t tell you how many years I’ve thumbed through the pages of Ethan Allen and in my head decorated my ENTIRE HOUSE in the furniture than hermetically sealed it so that nobody could ever touch its perfect perfectness. It’s like, just perfect.

It’s so perfect in fact, that we walked in and in less than 10 minutes we found a set that we BOTH LIKED. And not just a little. Or, one of us gave in because we could live with it. We both REALLY liked the set. And it was funny because it was separated into two different rooms, one upstairs and one downstairs, and we liked BOTH of them without realizing they all matched! It was like our entire relationship was confirmed to me in the middle of Ethan Allen. Ben and I are really meant together because we actually LIKE the same furniture. TWICE. At different altitudes.

So we bought it. And it’s going to take 5-8 weeks to get here. And I’m not sure I’ve told you all this before (yes I have, about 10,000 times) that I am NOT a patient person. I want it NOW! Right NOW. I’m going to try and not dwell on it but it’s kinda hard to not focus on the fact that PERFECT will be upstairs in my bedroom soon and I’ll be sleeping on it and putting all my clothes in it and it will BE SO PERFECT.

Tonight we went and bought a new matress. We have a queen now and the bed we got is a California King to better suit Ben’s being taller than the house. And it is soft and wonderful and like laying on a cloud. And it will be so big that Ben and I will have our own zip codes. Which I had to kinda laugh at because us at night? Like this *crosses fingers*.

So we have the bed, two night stands, a chest (for me), and a double dresser for Ben from the New Impressions line. ( uses frames *shudder* so you just have to search the site for it).

And then we sat down tonight and realized that holy crap, we just spent the entire cost of a wedding on furniture and the word “elope” was used. And actually, I was way more into the idea than I would have thought I’d have been. But that’s a whole other post entirely…