Dear UPS,

You suck. Seriously.

I took the SK2’s to the UPS store by our house Saturday morning. I was there when they opened the doors at 9AM. The only reason they opened them was because I stood outside the door with my box in one hand and the other pounding on the door. They are ALWAYS open later then the sign says they are. Ben has had this problem with them in the past also.

Anyway, no biggie, it was like 9:02 so I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it but the first thing she tells me is,

Dumb UPS Girl (DUPSG): SORRY! We are open but I was trying to get the safe to open. It’s new and I can’t figure it out.
Me: Ooookay. I’m paying with an ATM card. Is that okay?
DUPSG: Oh! Yes, that’s perfect.
Me: Great.

So I get the paperwork all filled out and go up to the counter, she enters the info, we BS, I had her the card…

DUPSG: Oh no.
Me: What?
DUPSG: Our internet connection is down.
Me: So??
DUPSG: I’ll have to call another location to run the card.
Me: Whatever, as long as I get a tracking number.
DUPSG: Okay. *calls other location*

She hand writes the payment info on the receipt and hands it to me.

DUPSG: Don’t worry, this is a valid receipt.
Me: Well, I wasn’t worried till you SAID THAT.

*looks it over*

Me: Where is the tracking number?
DUPSG: Oh, it will be emailed to you within the hour.
Me: Okay.

I didn’t see this as a problem because that’s the norm. Whenever we email a package from there we get an almost instant email. Like, by the time I’m getting in the car outside I have it. This time since the internet was down I figured it might take a bit.

Then I spent all day painting and at 3:30 suddenly remembered and checked, no email. Call UPS store. They close at 3:00. GREAT! Call 1-800-UPS-SUCKSASS to get the tracking number and…

Dumb UPS Girl on Phone (DUPSGOP): You need to call the place you sent it from.
Me: It was a UPS STORE. It should be in the system already, yes? I have my receipt #.
DUPSGOP: Well, we can’t look it up here you need to call them.
Me: They close at 3:00.
Me: It’s almost 4:00.
Me: So is there a way you can look this up for me if I give you the address of origin and destination or the receipt number or what do you need?
DUPSGOP: Sure, what’s the tracking number?
Me: Are you serious?
DUPSGOP: Yeah, I need the tracking number to TRACK the package.
Me: Were you HERE 2 minutes ago?
DUPSGOP: Pardon?
Me: Nevermind. Do you know if they are open tomorrow?
Me: The. UPS. Store.
DUPSGOP: Oh, no.
Me: You don’t know what time UPS Stores are open?
DUPSGOP: We don’t have that information here.
Me: At UPS customer service you don’t have any way to check and see what time UPS Stores are open?
DUPSGOP: No, we don’t have that information here.
Me: So… you are UPS customer service right?
Me: But you can’t tell me where my package is or what time your stores open?
DUPSGOP: I just need the tracking number.
Me: Goodbye.

It took me so long to cool down after that I waited till Monday morning to call the UPS Store. They guy I got was actually really helpful and took my info and got back to me about 5 minutes later. I repeated the tracking number to him to verify it and hung up happy I didn’t have a repeat of the Saturday afternoon conversation.

Then… when I used the number to track the package, no results. $%*&@#* So, I call back…

The UPS Guy I Liked During the First Call (TUPSGILDTFC): It’s not showing up yet?
Me: No, let me just verify the number.
*read back number to him*
TUPSGILDTFC: Yeah, that’s it.
Me: Okay, but it’s not showing up on the website.
TUPSGILDTFC: Okay, hold on.

TUPSGILDTFC: So… It hasn’t left here yet. It will get picked up with today’s packages and you should be able to start tracking it this evening?
Me: WHAT?!
TUPSGILDTFC: It hasn’t been picked up yet.
Me: Why not?
TUPSGILDTFC: It will go out on the truck this afternoon.
Me: Why. Hasn’t. It. Left. Yet?
TUPSGILDTFC: We were having computer problems that day so…
Me: I took the package in SATURDAY. It’s now MONDAY over 48 hours later and the package that I paid to have shipped on SATURDAY is still sitting there?!
TUPSGILDTFC: Well, we didn’t have internet access so the card wasn’t charged till…
Me: SATURDAY!! The card was charged SATURDAY, 2/10. You are The UPS Store #2762 correct?
Me: The charge cleared on SATURDAY, according to Wells Fargo, when the girl called another store to run the card because your internet was down because I couldn’t pay with cash because she couldn’t figure out how to open the safe!!!
TUPSGILDTFC: It will go out this evening when the truck gets here for the next pick up.
Me: Fantastic.
TUPSGILDTFC: I sorry for the mixup.
Me: So am I. Next time I’ll go to the Post Office, stand in line and pay more.
Me: Goodbye.

As a follow up. I wrote this yesterday and as I typed out the last conversation, I got the email. Over 72 hours later. Over 71 hours LATE. I then added an entire paragraph here that I reread this morning and realized that ‘fuck those fucking fuckers’ was not great reading so I deleted it.

The End.

5 thoughts on “Dear UPS,

  1. Good freakin’ lord. The stupid… it burns.
    I love your comment, “were you HERE two minutes ago?” I seriously laughed out loud at that.

    So did they indeed charge you for the quicker shipping/for it to be shipped out on Saturday instead of Monday? If that’s the case, I would definitely press to get the difference back.

  2. I highly recommend using fed ex ground or the postal service. UPS has sent me to levels of pissed off I have never been to in my life. Once I had a a conversation about how many laws they were breaking with a regional supervisor. They lost a pair of Oakley Sunglasses that had insurance on them and still took 7 months to replace them. This wouldn’t have been so bad if the glasses had not been Jessica’s prescription and my wife is blind without them. My favorite thing that they do is if they find an address that they deem is incorrect, as in someone wrote it down wrong, The first thing they do is SEND A POST CARD TO THAT ADDRESS. Sometimes I think I am an alchoholic because of UPS.

  3. I may a be a year late on this, but you DO know that UPS Stores are franchises?

    No one in those stores work for UPS. Everyone thinks they do, but they don’t. They get all the heat.

    Same thing for UPS. They don’t have UPS Store hours or locations because they don’t work for the UPS Stores.

    Unless you paid for a next day air package, the package would have not left on Saturday. Only Airs are picked up on Saturdays, not Grounds, which could have explained your package not coming up on the UPS website.

    How do I know this? Well, I’m working at one right now. I’m sick of fuckers like you who think we work for them. You’re getting mad at the wrong people. You’re getting mad at the UPS Store associates because they were doing their job. You’re yelling at the ACTUAL UPS girl who has nothing to do with your package.

    UPS STORE associates are NOT UPS employees. Our paychecks come my bosses pockets, not from UPS. The owners don’t for them, the stores don’t work them, the associates don’t work for them.

    This is just an authorized shipping store for UPS.

    Mistakes happen. That’s life. Get the fuck over it.

  4. Okay, but apparently you missed the fact there your lazy asses can’t manage to open a store on time, EVER, open a safe in your own store, figure out how to work the internet, or send an email when you’re supposed to.

    Perhaps if the branch stores didn’t hire complete idiots I wouldn’t have had to call UPS directly in the first place.

    My blog, my rants. Get the fuck over it.

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