Let go.

So, Cassidy’s father called her yesterday for the first time in three months. Nice, eh? It actually IS nice because it had been six moths since he called to ask to have her for summer…. Somebody must have reminded him it was her birthday. Or, reminded him that he HAS a daughter.

While on the phone he asked when is the next time he can see her. I’ve told him no less than five times that her school has a calendar online that he can access whenever he wants to know what her scheduled days off are. I’m not about to hold his hand through that anymore. He also has the schools name, phone number, address, etc. If it means so much to you (I’m assuming it’s about as important as CALLING her is) then LOOK IT UP, asshat.

But the zinger… He asked me how far Infineon Raceway is from us. I told him 4-5 hours because that’s how long it seemed like it took Ben and I to get there when we went but after talking to Ben, he said it’s only about 2 hours away. Anyway, he asked because he “really wants to see her and he’s going to be up there racing with Patrick (See: Worlds 3rd biggest asshole) and was wondering if he would be able to see her at the track”.

Instead of thinking for a second before I spoke and trying to be dimplomatic:

Me: So you are going to drive 8 hours on the weekend of Cassidy’s birthday to go RACE with PATRICK but you can’t EVER take a day off to even come VISIT her. Or CALL HER?!

I realized right away that my foot was planted too firmly into my mouth to say anything past that so I just something about Cassidy wanting to talk to him and gave her back the phone.

SEE HER AT THE TRACK! Are you serious! I don’t know what more humorous! The fact that you think after two calls in a year that I’d actually offer to drive her there or the fact that you think you’d actually spend time with her AT THE TRACK or that you think her idea of an OMGHAPPY birthday with her dad would be to spend it AT THE TRACK! Maybe if you paid me 1% of the $20,000+ in child support you owe me I’d CONSIDER the POSSIBILITY for .12 seconds! But probably not!

I KNOW I should not let his shoddy parenting get to me. I KNOW that eventually Cassidy will realize this when she gets older and that he’s really digging his own grave with her. But there is still the small, naive hope that one day he will grow up and start to BE A DAD. Be a person she can count on. Be somebody who calls more than twice a year when a family member reminds him she exists.

But it’s NOT going to change. Racing is still more important than his daughter. His buddies are still more important than his daughter. His girlfriend is now more important than his daughter. Work is more important than his daughter. This is NOT going to change. Ever. Time to squash that naive part of me and get rid of the last of it for good.

*deep breath*

Let go. Stop expecting better things from him. Stop trying to understand why things don’t and won’t change. Let him be the father he is going to be. Let Cassidy determine the relationship she will have with him. Just. Let. Go.

11 thoughts on “Let go.

  1. I cant Imagine what you are going thru with this. I hope I never have to go thru anything like this. and when Cassidy gets older she will see what kinda of man her father was. and will just grow to love the man who raised her even more. Yay to Ben for being a Great “Daddy” to her!!!

  2. hey anna!!! itt heather or lacy!!!thats how my dad was and i only talk to 3 or 4 times a year too!!! and he is jus digging a grave for himself cuz thats xactly wut my dad did for himself and it sux!!!cuz shell relize that u were the only real parent in her life!!! and when she grows up to be a great girl ull say to urself i did a pretty good job!!! love ya and hope to c u and cat cat soon!!!

  3. If he owes that much in back child support you should turn him in so they can put a warrant out for his arrest. The boy(and i use this term because a real man would own up to his responsibility) needs to pay up. think about it, i bet that if you banned him from seeing her he wouldnt think twice of taking you to court.

    You probably will delete this msg but I thought I would give my 2 cents like i always do.

  4. Believe me, I have. The problem is that here in CA they give priority to people who are on Welfare. The really want to collect the money from those dads because THE STATE is the one paying for child support. Plus, he’s self employed (gets paid cash 98% of the time) so they don’t have an income to garnish.

    I could take him to court on my own with little cost to me since 1)I have a legal benefits through work, 2)My mom had a law degree. But when I weigh that option I keep coming back to the strain it will put on Cassidy. No matter how much we try to not let it effect her, it will in some way.

    We don’t hurt for money. There was a time when we did and THEN it would have really helped a lot but now I really wonder if all the stress and BS it will cause in the long run will be worth it.

  5. Girl, I can ASSURE you that Cassidy will realize what a jackass her dad is… Believe me, I’m one of those who saw the light 😉 So don’t worry, I’m pretty sure you’re a good mom, Cassidy knows this. And ofcourse you have hope that he will be a real dad to her. Sure! He’s still her dad! You want the best for her right? 🙂 And maybe one day he will… Who knows.

  6. While I do understand alot of what you are saying Anna, BTDT, I also miss Cassidy:( It makes complete sense and is something that I have battled in the past as well. & I understand your frustrations.

    Strangest thing and this is the honest truth, the morning of Cassidy’s b-day Brooklynn woke up and said “it’s Cassidy’s birthday Mommy, I dreamed she had a great day” **insert little heart thingy here** That afternoon she lost her 2 front teeth & was begging to talk to Cat. If you don’t mind them talking that would be wonderful!! We have unlimited calls through our dig phone service:) LMK:))))


  7. Hey! I think you are somewhat right about the whole dragging Cassidy through this deal. I went through a lot of this when I was younger. Only my dad never neglected me financially or anything but my mom was always trying to get at him on some angle. She was really good at it too. I had to sit there and be pulled on both sides. The way this thing goes is that you know her dad would start trying to have visits with her as soon as you pursued him legally and try to turn her against you. That’s how it always works.
    Then again, I’m about to start living by the words of the social worker and not doing anything for Sydney’s bio. They suggested if she’s unhappy let her take me to court and fight me, because she never will. I’m bending over backwards right now to keep her happy and it’s not going to fly much longer.
    If I were you I’d probably just have a heart to heart with him and say look if you don’t call weekly then don’t call at all. Get lost.

  8. Ranee, He’s not the kind of guy you can have a heart to heart with. He’s, as TGO pointed out, a boy, not a man, so, when you attemp to talk to him and to persuade him of anything, he throws a tantrum. He acts 5 years old. I tend to agree with Anna on this one completely, any pursuit of him will only make it worse for Cassidy. Now, in the event that he tries to make it tough for us in some way, the dogs of war will be unleashed and he shall know what it is to be the target of my rage, and that…, as he has found out before, is not a good thing to be.

  9. TeeHee! Of course! But it will cost you compensation in the form of MAC and shoes. 😉

    I’ll totally settle for an ice cold Diet Pepsi though. :mrgreen:

  10. Coming from a girl who had a crap for a father, was raised seperately, etc.. I can vouche its easier right now for Cass to have to figure it out on her own.

    And being as I live in CA, you’re right.. they hunt down the Welfare deadbeat dads first and foremost.

    My dad never wanted children but apparently the concept of a condom escaped him, and even though when you’re little you cling to the idea that just because they are your dad and occassionally remember the day you were born that they’re awesome.. she’ll hit 14 and go, “Screw that.”

    And she’ll appreciate you and Ben even more.

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