I’m laying on the couch typing this from the laptop that Ben brought home from work to keep him company while he recovered. This is the first time in a week I’ve gotten to lay on the big couch. I don’t quite understand how this is a BAD way to spend three days!!

We had a bit of a scare yesterday. Ben had been complaining about his left leg, the surgery leg, being colder than the other. I figured it was a mix of the Vicodin and laying on the couch for three days making him delirious but I finally decided to see for myself Tuesday night and it really was cooler to the touch than his “good” leg.

Thursday he ended up at the doctor getting an ultrasound to check for blood clots while I stayed home and wore a rut behind the couch I’m loving so much right now.. Blood clots. The thought of it scared me. A lot. He had all the classic symptoms. Cold, pain in the calf, numbness. I was convinced that the next call I’d get would be from his doctor telling me to meet them at the hospital.

In that 30 painful minutes of waiting and pacing and calling him and waiting some more then messaging him then pacing then calling my mom and pacing… I was just overcome with this feeling of dread. What if something happens to Ben? Ben is my rock. He’s my solid, thoughtful, rational, responsible, completely sane rock. And how would I explain it to Cassidy?

Ben and I don’t have the “perfect” relationship. I realize it can come across that way on my blog because when it comes to him I tend to write about the good stuff. The happy stuff. The stuff that is frosted with goodness and coated in sugar. It’s the stuff that I want to look back on in 3, 10, 25 years and remember.

But we do have hard times. And like the really good times are euphoric and warm, the really bad times are low and powerfully painful. We are two very opinionated individuals. And while we have many similarities, we have just as many differences too. He literally is the Yin to my Yang. Or the Yang to my Yin. I’m not exactly sure how that works.

Anyway, he’s fine. At least he seems to be. They didn’t find a clot but they haven’t offered an explanation yet as to why his leg is running cooler and his calf is so sore. Hopefully the doctor will have the answer we are looking for tomorrow.

The reason I wanted to write this out was to remind everybody to find your Yang and hold on to them tight. Because the bad times pass, and the good times are what make life worth living.

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