Tis the Season

I wrote this post up last week and never finished it. But after the conversation I just listened to it has to be done… Now hopefully you all understand what I deal with. EVERY DAY!

First, the week old post:

I tried all morning to figure out a way to inject coffee directly into my bloodstream. It really doesn’t have to be coffee. Any substance that contains large amounts of caffeine would work. So I’m open to chocolate, also.

The Avon Lady has not been feeling the season. At all. She grumbled through our entire Christmas party. She said she didn’t want to particiate in the elephant gift tradition (because it was ‘stupid’) then decided last minute she would and complained the rest of the afternoon about ending up with denture glue. She’s said at least 434158434 times that nobody got her anything for Christmas. She’s just been a major buzzkill. So I’ve taken to doing what I always do in these situations. Plug both my ears with NPR and hide behind my monitor.

She’s also started this annoying TSK *sigh* habit.

*phone rings*
Avon Lady(AL): TSK *sigh* *phone greeting*
AL: Conversation
*hangs up*
AL: TSK *sigh*


Our printer has been slowly dying. The four of us on the credit balance team share one industrial size printer that spits out 35 pages a minute. We’ve had it worked on three times in the last few months because tray three keeps getting paper jams.

The New Girl(TNG): AAAAAaaaaannnnnnnaaaaaa. Can we just take the paper out of drawer three? Will it still work?
Me: Is it jammed again?
TNG: Yeah! For like the third time this morning.
Me: Yeah, just pull out the paper and give IT a call.
AL: TSK *sigh*
AL: *jumps out of chair*
AL: It SHOULDN’T be getting stuck. It’s been WORKED on THREE times.
AL: TSK *sigh*
TNG: I’ll call IT.
AL: *starts opening drawers and slamming them closed over and over and over and making all kinds of noise and shaking my cube walls since the printer sits against the outside of my cube.*
AL: TSK *sigh*
AL: I can tell you why this is happening. It’s because somebody isn’t putting the FULL ream of paper in there. They just put in PART of it and set the REST of it beside the printer and it’s causing AIR to get in the paper and it’s making it jam. I don’t know who is doing that but that’s why the paper keeps jamming.

(Sidenote: We all know it’s The New Girl doing this. I know The Avon Lady knows this because she’s mentioned it to me at least three times. I told the New Girl once to just put the whole ream in but she still doesn’t. It’s no big deal. And it’s NOT causing the paper to jam!! When I see it I take the whole .25 seconds to throw the rest of the paper in there. Whenever the Avon Lady notices it… you guess it! TSK *sigh* *slam paper into drawer* *slam drawer closed* *entire cube shakes*)

Me: *Good. Lord.*
TNG: Really?
TNG: That seems kind of odd.
AL: TSK *sigh* It’s the paper. It’s bad paper. And it’s being left out. And that’s causing it to jam.
AL: Just leave the paper out of it and call IT.
Me: Good idea!
AL: TSK *sigh*

In the 20 or so minutes it took me to write this between phone calls and other unavoidable work I counted 7 TSK *sighs*’s while doing nothing but sitting at her desk working and 4 TSK *sighs*’s while answering the phone and hanging it up and 3 TSK *sighs* after people greeted her.

TSK *sigh*


Now today:

Set up: Nobody ever called IT about the printer. If it’s jammed when I go to pick up prints I just pull drawer three out an inch and let it go. When I’m done I push it back in. The humor of watching the other three girls freak out is far too enjoyable for me to want to have it fixed.

*printer has jammed about 10 times in the last hour*
New Girl: Whoah! The printer just spit out half a page. I wonder where the other half is!?
Me: I’m going to make a very uneducated guess and say.. somewhere in the printer!
NG: *laughs*
Avon Lady (TAL): TSK *sigh* I’m so SICK of people leaving the paper out and not putting it all in! If people would just do that this would stop happening.
NG: *slowly backs off and retreats to desk, snickering*

(Side note: A lady from another dept occasionally uses our printer if she’s printing out big projects because ours goes much faster. We’ll call her Poor Unsuspecting Lady, or PUL for short. PUL walked up as NG was making her retreat.)

AL: *to PUL* If you’re putting paper in here you need to put the WHOLE ream in and not leave the rest sitting out because then the paper gets saturated with air and the computer senses that it’s a different type of paper and makes it jam.

(Sidenote: I swear that’s word for word what was said. I started to type it out immediately because I knew this would have to be posted. Yes, she said “saturated with air”. And yes, she said “computer”, not “printer”.)

ME: *I actually laughed out loud when she said this. I had my headphones on though and I often laugh at talk radio so I think it went unnoticed*
PUL: Really? I’d never heard that. I’m really glad you told me.
AL: Yes. So put the whole ream in there, please.
PUL: Okay!!
AL: TSK *sigh*

Ah, the comedy.

P.S. – I really need to get some stock post banners made.
P.S.S – Site update post is 99% done so it will probably be posted sometime in the next… month? HA!

4 thoughts on “Tis the Season

  1. hi, i just found your blog and this entry made me laugh.
    one question…does AL think that an entire ream of paper needs to be in the printer At All Times? otherwise, once a few pages are printed out, the paper left in there will get *snicker* saturated with air. just curious.

  2. Liz, Welcome to Aflux!! The first time she said it I made a point to let her and NG know it was a bunch of crap. But this woman THINKS she’s “computer savvy”. (I had to show her how to put a shortcut on her desktop my first week or work). So I dunno, maybe she things the printer creates a vacuum around the paper? HA!

    Tracy, for the most part she’s a really nice woman. But she has “issues”. Alcoholic husband she won’t leave because she feels “responsible” for, she’s about 350 pounds 5 years AFTER stomach stapling… When she has a bad day, she lets everybody in a 40 mile radius know.

  3. God, this is so damn funny! Besides the ‘TSK *sigh*’ thing, you must be having tons of fun! I like your entry’s, they’re funny 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *