Parking Idiots

After work today I went outside to see that some idiot had parked so close to my car in a brand new Volvo Stationwagon that CASSIDY would not have been able to squeeze through the door. This REALLY pissed me off. I stood there for a minute or two and tried to calm myself down. One of my co-workers walked up:

Girl: What the hell?! Was that car there at lunch?
Me: No.
Girl: What are you going to do?
Me: Well, I’m either keying the car before I crawl across the passenger seat or I’m crawling across then SLAMMING my door into his a few times.
Girl: *mouth gaping*
Me: Slamming my door into his will harm MY car though so I think I’ll just key it.
Girl: You should just tell *building managers name*. He’ll send out a mass email and say something over the PA system.
Me: Yeah, that would be the “politically correct” thing to do. But I’m a liberal. I don’t DO politically correct.
Girl: *looks scared* Well, good luck.

Now, I wasn’t really going to key his car. I would never do that. I WAS however going to get into my drivers side door and if that meant a nice big door ding on his brand new car I really didn’t care. As I stood there and contemplated how to squeeze myself into the door I see a man casually walking out into the parking lot and in my direction. He was looking from the car to me. I knew it was him so I folded my arms across my chest and put on the you-are-a-fucking-moron look:

Moron: Did I park you in?
Me: Well, yeah. Ya think? *looks at parking job*
Moron: I’ll only be a second.
Me: *dripping with sarcasm* Really? Well, gee thanks for hurrying.
Moron: *looks at me*
Me: Did you not see the THREE empty spaces next to the PASSENGER side of my car? *points to row of empty spots*
Moron: This spot was closer to the door.
Me: * @)(#@#($@#$@)#&%(#$&%#)(*$$%)(@&$#%@)#(%*
Moron: *gets in car, turns it on, rolls down window, changes chanel on radio*

This is where the blood in my veins started to boil steam came out of my ears and the whole world got this rosy red glow:

Me: *very loud* I’m not standing here to enjoy the summer heat, I have to pick my daughter up from school, do you think you could GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!?!?
Him: *backs up and speeds out of praking lot while glaring at me*

Fucking hell people!!! How is it that some people are so damn oblivious to the fact that maybe OTHER PEOPLE exist in the world and they have lives to live too and maybe if you weren’t such an ASSHOLE your pathetic world would be a little nicer to live in? You know, karma?

I was really upset. I got his name. He’s a doctor. Tomorrow I’m getting a statement from Girl Co-worker and filing a complaint. This guy has a reputation as being a comlpete asshole to most of my co-workers but nobody ever actually files a complaint. I’m not a sheep though and I will make damn sure that I’m not treated like one.

7 thoughts on “Parking Idiots

  1. I KNOW! Usually I’d snap a pic BEFORE freaking out. But I was just flustered because I was running late. Marie had already picked up the girls and I really wanted to see Cassidy and talk to her about her first day of second grade.

    I took this the other morning pulling out of the garage:

    Imagine the left side of the white line being MY CAR. I’m amazed he was able to get the thing pulled in without hitting my side mirror. It was THAT close.

  2. if he’s not a co-worker, i see no harm in keying or dinging his car….or chew him out with a magic marker. that’ll notify everyone who parks next to him.

  3. I generally have more invasive solutions to the problems anna experiences.

    example: that picture phone picture of the goliath of a mini-van or whatever it was. When I last I parked in there, and that thing was near the linke, I backed in, and had the passenger mirror over the middle of the line. that’s right! No entrance to your car on that side! The cost for your own assholism or stupidity! One time I was pulling her car into that garage spot, and that same woman, who btw, is indeed an asshole, was just getting out of the car, and it was parked like it is in tha picture. I put my fake grin on, and said “Hi! Pardon me, could you please move your car over? (.5 second pause) Thanks!”. She kind of threw an arm at me as if to say “Whatever you jerk” as she walked back toward the car to move it. At that moment, I pulled out the book of evil, and scribbled her name in it, moving my hands and reciting evil ritual chants, hexing her and her car for all eternity! Ok, well, maybe not the last bit, but I’m sure that Anna and I will come up with something good soon. More to follow (stay tuned!)

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