I feel so much sadness for all the parents out there that don’t get child support when they REALLY need it. I am so lucky that even without Ben I’d be able to support Cassidy and that Ben taken up the responsibility of her deadbeat “father” to support her financially.


For the record, since her “father” doesn’t think it’s necessary to support her, he now owes me $92,927.81 in child support. The state of California has basically done nothing to make him pay. The last time I was able to get them to make him come to court he lied so much, and he’s so bad at it that I was easily able to point them all out WITH ACTUAL PROOF and all they did was… nothing.

I basically begged them for MONTHS to suspend his license and they never would. Eventually he got a arrested for drunk driving, didn’t go to court, then didn’t pay the fine, then didn’t go to the class he was supposed to go to so they gave him jail time. When he turned himself in for his mandatory time he tried to sneak meth into the jail (YAY FELONY!) so he got more time for that. Served 100 days and is still on probation. Then in July of last year he got pulled over again and arrested for possession of meth, meth paraphernalia and “driving while license suspended for driving while under the influence”. Of course, he didn’t go to that court date and is currently listed with as a “fugitive” on the San Bernadino Superior Court website.

I honestly look back 12 years ago and I don’t even know how that guy turned into this loser. A lot of time goes by without me ever even thinking about it and then I’ll see something that will bring up this feeling of absolute gut turning rage at the utter lack of caring that exists for Cassidy’s well being both emotionally and financially.

About 4 times in the last year I’ve had this nightmare where I am back together with him. In my mind I know that I’m there for Cassidy so I’m trying to “fake it till I make it” and then something in me snaps and I start to panic because he and his step-mom won’t let me leave. So I start screaming and fighting to get away. Twice now Ben has had to wake me up because I’m having an actual night terror. I know I’m asleep and that if I just wake up it will be over so I try and scream but I can’t get anything more than a squeak out. It’s actually really terrifying.

Anyway, I’m not exactly sure where I was going with all this but today was one of those days where it came up and rather than hold it all in like I normally do I wanted to just pound the keys to get it out of my system.

A lot of counseling has taught me that I am not responsible for his failures as a father and to look at how great a kid Cassidy is. She’s funny and makes me laugh every single day, she’s so much smarter than she realizes, she has an ever growing passion for music and fashion. She HAS a dad. An amazing one. One that didn’t just give up when things got hard. One that took the bumpy and unforgiving path to better himself along with the rest of us to get to where we are today. She is so lucky. We are so lucky.

1 thought on “$92,927.91

  1. I think you’re way better off and you are aware of it. I bet you’d rather have the life you have now than that $92K right? Funny how some states are so lax on child support laws, whereas Ohio is SUPER hard ass.

    Basically, he sucks.

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