This is the story of why I don’t to do drugs.

So turns out after 10 days of antibiotics I do NOT have have a sinus infection. A CT scan was ordered by my doctor after I tested negative for EVERY SINGLE tree and pollen they skin tested for. I was just DONE. There was another day with no answers and more excruciating pain. I broke down explaining that all I had eaten in 24 hours was a bowl of soup because when I have a bowel movement, the pressure in my head is so horrible that I’m pretty much useless for the next 3-4 hours. I can’t poop, I can’t work out, if I get even a LITTLE stressed and my heart rate rises a LITTLE, pain. My life for a week has just been: Live with The Pain. Smile. Pain. Fake it. Pain. Go Home, try to sleep it off. Pain.

The CT scan shows a deviated septum on the right side with Haller’s cell present. I got a heavy dose of Prednisone which the doctor said should give me some relief pretty quickly. THANK YOU SINUS GODS!

But let’s go back to the last week. I was basically on no medication except a round of antibiotics that I couldn’t stop even though they weren’t working because apparently when you stop a round of antibiotics that aren’t working somebody punches a kitten in the face. Yesterday I’d already had one horrible bathroom experience that had me, literally, on the floor in the bathroom at work trying not to vomit from pain. Then I came home and it happened again.

I was done. I normally will never reach for something stronger than aspirin but I was beyond that threshold of pain I can deal with. I’ve had three tattoos and pushed a human out of my vagina, this pain far surpassed either of those. There is something about pain IN YOUR HEAD that is just so much worse than anywhere else. The blinding pain that stops you in your tracks, drops you to your knees and kicks you right in the face.

So I took some Vicodin. I have two reactions to Vicodin. 1) SLEEP ALL THE SLEEPS. 2) TRIP BALLS.

I was very happy that #1 happened. I slept for a solid four hours. The first solid block of sleep I’d had all week. It was glorious. However, you can not wake me up and expect me to have a coherant conversation. An example from when I woke up to my phone ringing.

Me: MmmHmm
Ben: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Ben: Do you think you can eat or should I grab food on the way home?
Me: I’m scared to poop.
Ben: Okay. So. Do you think you can eat or should I grab food on the way home?
Me: I don’t want to eat because I don’t want to poop.
Ben: Is Cassidy hungry?
Me: I’m not even sure Cassidy is here and/or awake.
Ben: Could you, you know, figure that out?
Me: CAAAAAAAAAAASSSIIIIDDDYYY!
Cassidy: Yep.
Me: Food. Ben’s getting it. Hungry.
Cassidy: Are you asking me if I’m hungry?
Me: …
Cassidy: I’m not hungry but I will be.
Me: At some point she has to eat eventually.
Ben: Does she want food?
Me: Do you want food?
Cassidy: Eventually. What’s he getting?
Me: OMG I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS RIGHT NOW ALL I HEAR IS AN ECHO AND I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT IS GOING ON!
Ben: I’m going to get food.
Me: I don’t want to poop.
Ben: Are you okay?
Me: I took a Vicodin.
Ben: Okay, go back to sleep, I’ll figure it out.
Me: Sound like a great plan.

After that I woke up enough to eat some soup and bread then realized that the Vicodin was wearing off when I had to bend over to pick up something that had fallen off the couch and if felt like perhaps my head had just been punted across a field. So I took another one.

And then reaction #2 happened and I spent the rest of the night TRIPPING BALLS.

I went to bed and fell asleep pretty quickly but the first dream I had was that I took the dogs out to potty before bed and Kumo pooped puppies. He pooped puppies out of his butt. When I took the puppies inside all, WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED, Ben didn’t believe me! And he tried to say that I was MAKING IT UP! And I was getting PISSED! LOOK AT THE PUPPIES!

Then he came to bed and when I woke up I told him about the dream and he didn’t seem that worried or impressed. PUPPIES OUT OF HIS BUTT, BEN! You keep saying that you want a 3rd dog, whey aren’t you more excited about this!?

The next six hour went something like this:

• DREAM CRAZY ASS SHIT!
• WAKE UP!
• CONTEMPLATE CRAZY ASS DREAMS!
• “I don’t understand why I’m not tired maybe I should drink some water but then I’ll have to pee and it will wake me up but it’s not like I’m sleeping that was a weird dream I should be more tired I’m probably never going to get to sleep I’m going to be up all night then I’ll be tired all day at work and why is that blue light flashing maybe I should check it out but it’s way over there and why is the bed shaking is KC licking her butt again oh crap KC isn’t even on the bed WHY IS THE BED SHAKING WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW maybe I should wake up Ben but what am I going to tell him other than MY MIND WON’T SHUT UP I’M GOING CRAZY! Okay I think my mind is slowing down now and maybe I can get some sleep if I just close my eye and relax for a… *snore*”
• Rinse. Repeat.

I woke up this morning feeling like I’d just run a marathon. With my brain.

As an example of how infrequently I take major pain medication, this bottle of 30 pills was dated August 12th, 2005 when I had three wisdom teeth pulled. There are still 8 left.

This is one of the more tame reactions I’ve had. I do not get how people take this on the regular. I remember having a similar reaction when I was 16 and had to take some to get through a serious bout of ovarian cyst pain. I decided then that I’d never be able to take any kind of hard drugs. If this is how I get off some pain meds, can you imagine the hot mess I’d be if I took anything harder?

Actually, imaging it. The visuals are awesome.