I can’t believe it’s 2013 and we still have to talk about this.

I’m sure that unless you live under a rock, you’ve seen this letter to teenage “girls” pop up in your Facebook feed or twitter stream in the last week. I’ve held off writing about it for two reasons. One is that my initial reaction was WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK SERIOUSLY. The other was because I was wanting to see what the general thought was of those I follow online. Thankfully, every single reaction I’ve seen has been similar to mine.

So here you go.

Dear boys,

Don’t look at your female teenage peers as objects to be lusted over ONLY. One picture of a girl in her PJs in her room does not mean that she’s not worthy of your full respect and friendship. Because you know what happens when your parents teach you that she’s just a sexual object? An entire room of you look the other way as a girl gets raped. And guess who’s fault that is? It’s not her fault. It’s not your parent’s fault. It’s not Facebook’s fault. It’s YOUR FAULT. Because you know the difference between what your penis is telling you to do and what your brain is telling you to do.

Instead of turning your back on her, offer her your friendship. Let it be clear that you value her brain. And her humor. And her sportsmanship. And her creativity. And her kindness. BECAUSE YOU DO.

There is so much I’d like to say to this mother but after reading her various responses and the fact that she won’t even allow comments anymore, I’m sure she’ll never see it. But here are a few things anyway.

It is NEVER okay to shame a girl based on her social media pictures. It is NEVER okay to judge a girl based on her social media pictures. Instead of teaching your boys to SHUN this girl, use it as a way to start an open dialogue about sex. YES! Talk about sex with your kids! Because guess what?! There’s a 100% chance that if they’ve seen a girl today, they’ve thought about having sex. A girl with all her clothes on even! Because teenage boys think about sex. A LOT. They can sit in a room staring at a blank wall and they will think about sex. So here’s your chance to stop a culture of shame, and shaming “girls” into being at fault for junior’s thoughts, and instead teach them that sex is a normal part of life.

It is not this girl’s job to put on clothes to save your son’s soul. It’s YOUR job to teach him that he needs to control his urges in a healthy way.

But most of all…


3 thoughts on “I can’t believe it’s 2013 and we still have to talk about this.

  1. My daughter is only 10-months old, but I hate the fact that she’s growing up in a world where this is still an issue. I can only hope that by the time she’s a teenager, people will get their heads out of their asses and learn to just fucking love each other instead of tearing each other down.

  2. It really only comes from us teaching them better. I can’t count the number of conversations we’ve had with Cassidy about sex, birth control, what is okay, what is safe, etc. We’ve also had a lot of conversations about what is acceptable for our family to post online. I’ve had her remove posts that I felt bordered on discrimination, then had a conversation with her about how that could be perceived in the future (online is FOREVER). Would I ask her to remove a photo of her braless in her PJs? Probably not. But I would have a conversation with her about it in a NON JUDGMENTAL way.

    And then I’d tell her she’s beautiful and high five her and we’d eat Nutella.

  3. I really think girls shouldn’t post pics like that, but I’m realistic about it…I know they will! My son is only 3, but I know I will be going through this one day, too. I completely agree with you. Girls that do that sort of thing usually feel that way because they think it’s the only way to get a boys attention.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *