Friendship

The below rant is about none of my regular visitors. Just something I needed to get out there…

Why is it people are so apprehensive when it comes to admitting fault in a distressing situation? Even better, why are people this way when the situation puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of an innocent friend? What’s really sad is that I bet most people reading this know a person they probably aren’t friends with anymore, or even had a friend they are just aquaintances with now because of this question.

When this happens people tend to try and mask an issue or find a way to NOT admit something really simple and silly by pointing fingers, slinging mud and skirting around the issue so many ways that by the time you get to the end, the original point is so far lost and you are in such a state of “defend” that the water under the bridge has turned into a raging, destructive flood of horse shit.

I understand that people have “stuff” they have to deal with on a daily basis. Stuff that is scarry, stressful, time-consuming, sad… we ALL have these things going on. All if us. Friendship is not about lashing out at somebody an expecting them to just KNOW that all this stuff is going on and that’s why you are saying things and acting in a way that maybe you wouldn’t under “normal” conditions. It’s, frankly, a bullshit excuse. I say this because there’s nothing YOU are going through that SOMEBODY else around you has NOT gone through. It doens’t make it any more or less okay for you to be a dickhead than it does the next person.

Now, excuse me while I get “blunt”. You get back what you give out. If you want people to keep in touch and spend time with you pick up a damn phone every now and then and don’t expect that a person with a six year old is going to jump up at 9:00PM for a late night dinner. When people invite you places, don’t be such a fucking snob and refuse to go to a certain movie theatre because it’s in the “ghetto” or because it’s farther away than the one by your house… where we saw the last three movies. Understand that by hanging out with friends that are not YOU, you are not getting “replaced” or “ignored”. Maybe instead realize that you’ve been so “busy” with your own “stuff” that maybe your friends have found friends that are more into the stuff they happen to be into. If you can’t “share” your friends then you aren’t a very good friend to begin with.

And MOST OF ALL! When you act like an ass, don’t use all of these reasons to try and dance around the bigger issue… That you were an ass.

Thanks to the Hero

Ben is the most amazing, patient, wonderful man ever. The last few days were tough. Mainly made so by the fact that I felt just OUT of it. Pain medicine can do that to you. Big time. Almost helpless really.

I can’t count the number of times he brought me the ice pack (even once at 3AM!!), drinks, made me soup, made a trip to the store for more gauze, pinto’s and cheese… he even allowed Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream IN THE HOUSE. The house where he threatens immediate throwing away of anything that does not contain over 50% protein.

I was going to thank him for sitting in a room for 45 minutes waiting for me to come out of surgery but found out tonight that he actually made a trip to Noah’s Bagels while he waited. So instead I’d like to thank him for not getting the bagel BEFORE he dropped me off having not eaten in 12 hours. And also for actually claiming me when the nurse came to get him. Because after looking at myself in the mirror when I got home… mouth gaping open with gauze, drooling down myself, scrape on my lip, stoned look in my eyes… I’d have walked into the recovery room and said, “I don’t know that lunatic” and been outta there. 😉

Anyway, I want to say thank you to Ben. I know it sounds silly and extreme but you were my hero this weekend and I love you very much for it. And anybody who can put up with my breath right now while the gaping wounds heal in my moist, hot mouth is nothing short of a Hero of Epic magnitude.

*kiss* I love you, honey. 🙂

Recovery: Day 2

I’m feeling good. Took my last Vicodin today at 8:00AM. Also took the last piece of gauze out of my mouth at that time. They didn’t give me enough gauze so Ben had to go get me more last night. They said the bleeding should stop after two hours but that bottom right would not stop. I finally figured out that the hole is kind of on the outside of the gum so it wasn’t getting much pressure put on it when I was biting down. I started sticking a big wad of gauze in there between my cheek and the gum line and sleeping on that side. It made it sore but stopped the bleeding finally.

I took some 600MG Ibuprofen a few minutes ago. It’s sore like I’d expect it to be in the area of surgery and my jaw in general but not really in “pain”. They gave me like 30 vicodin and 30 600MG Ibuprofen. That had me a bit worried!! I guess we’ll just have a lot of left over pain medicine.

I’ve been ice paking A LOT too. I think that’s help more than anything. Ben got a long narrow icepack from the chiropractor a few weeks ago when he hurt his back. It’s been perfect because it wraps all the way around my jaw line. I’ve been tying it on my face with a pink polkadotted scarf so I can sleep with it on. 😳

I’ve managed to eat some chicken soup. But that and a small scoop of ice cream is all I’ve had since Thursday afternoon. I’d think I’d be hungrier. Especially with all the pain medicine and antibiotics I’ve been taking. Hopefully the apetite will start to come back this evening.

The story of being put to sleep is a funny one that I’ll have to write once I have a little more strength to be sitting at the computer. I think the lack of food and pain medication has made me a bit loopy and has my body really run down so I’m still sleeping quite a bit. And going to go do some more of it now.

I’m alive.

I’m alive. The pain isn’t that bad. Can take Vicodin every six hours so am staggering it every 4 hours, 2 hours, 4 hours, 2 hours etc. It’s working well. Two of the holes have stopped beleeing. For some reason the bottom right is still going. Slow, but bleeding.

Been able to dring a small Gatorade, a little bit of water and a small scoop of ice cream.

Can’t be sitting up too long. Start to get nauseated. But the Vicodin has only kept me awake in 20 minute intervals. Usually long enough for Ben to re-cool the ice pack.

Gotto get back to laying down. Just wanted all to know that I’m okay and not really hurting and sellping a LOT.

T-23 hours and counting.

In 23 hours I will be having medicine injected into my arm to make me sleep so that a man I’ve met once can work for an hour, charge my dental insurance $1500, and cause me pain I’ve been told is worse than child birth. I’d like to quickly point out that all those who have told me it’s “worse than labor” have not had their vagina stretched out far enough to allow a 6 pound 15 ounce 19 inch long entity escape from their body where it grew for 9 months causing their spine and internal organs to do things that would cause most men to DIE… so I’m not really taking this one too seriously.

I don’t like pain but I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I always said that if not for the 9 months of pregnancy I’d have 10 kids because child birth was relatively fast compared to the 9 fucking horrible, hot, bloated, uncomfortable months leading up to it.

I think the thing that will kick my ass with this is the length of recovery. One day after I had Cassidy I was vacuuming the apartment and making trips to WalMart for diapers because the ones I imagined were too small for any human to fit into were too big.

The oral surgeon told me THREE times in a 20 minute consultation that I was to be on strict bed/couch rest for at LEAST two days. Come on! They aren’t operating on my LEGS! They will work. It’s the MOUTH, dude. Why in the hell do I have to not do anything for two days? Does he not see the big blue P on my chest. I don’t do “nothing” for two days. I have a depression problem to ignore. In order to do that I need to be doing things. Like cleaning, and working on my website, and swimming, and… TWO DAYS?!?!

Stupid wisdom teeth.

Hello, my name is Anna and I’m crazy too.

I need to go back to a head doctor. Taking myself off medication (even though I did wean myself) was probably not the best idea I’ve ever had. I wish I could say I wasn’t one of those people who were made “better” by pills. I wish I were one of those people in the non-crazy population who are happy and healthy and successful JUST BECAUSE. I also wish I was taller. But that’s a topic for another post.

I’m not one of those people, however. I’m one of the Blue Pill People. We should all wear labels on our clothes. Perhaps a big blue P. That way when we act like lunatics people can just avoid us and say, “No worries, it’s just a Blue Pill Person. You know how THEY get.”

I’m making an appointment today. I’m going to REALLY try to see if I can find a doctor that’s willing to take the time and effort to try and talk me out of my insanity WITHOUT the use of The Blue Pill. Or, at least be open to the idea that I don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life because of all the adverse side effects they have. If he/she is even willing to put me on something temporarily so that we can have a few coherent discussions about why I’m depressive when my life in general kicks much ass that would be okay. I just don’t get WHY I’m depressed and if I need to take something long enough to see and understand that I’m willing… but forever? It’s bad enough that I have to take a pill EVERY TIME I drink a glass of milk, eat a cheese burger or gorge on ice cream to prevent the entire population of San Jose from suffering the explosion of activity that dairy causes in my digestive tract. *humph*

I’ve promised myself this time that if I AM put on something it’s NOT OKAY for ME to decide to wean myself off. Because even though I play a normal person on the outside, I’ll forever be a Blue Pill Person up here in my head. *points to hollow space above shoulders*

Kill me now.

I just had a reminder pop up for a three hour meeting I have to attend today between 9:00AM and 12:00PM. What kind of masochistic freak schedules a three hour meeting on a Monday Morning.

*pouts*

Hellomoto.

I’ve added the last three months of camera phone shots to the gallery. Finally.

We had a busy weekend. Saturday was the major 2 hour grocery shopping trip, getting Cameron from the airport, turkey roast and fresh green beans for dinner.

Sunday was three hours at Ikea and Osh. Bought and planted a Hibuscus. (At my mom’s suggestion and thought that was rather funny considering the new site overhaul. You’ll get it in a week or so. ;)) Followed by an hour at Trader Joe’s. Followed by grilled chicken salad for dinner.

This was of course all between loads and loads of laundry, showing Cassidy’s furniture to more flakes, cleaning and more cleaning. God I feel so… domestic. And the person who made up the term “Domestic Goddess” was clearly adding the wrong kind of “Shrooms” to the family’s pizza because there aint nothin’ GODDESS about it.

We did finally decide on a “theme” for Cassidy’s room. The Beach. Today we got some bedding that is blue and teal and looks like water… kinda. There are a bunch more accessories that I want to get. I’m gonna go back and pick a few of them up tomorrow since Ikea is so close to my work. I want Bamboo covers on the windows and they have these cute little blue hanging things that look like bubbles. *is giddy* 🙂 Her room is looking SO cute and I’m SO jealous!!

P.S. – I worked on the site some more last night. I’m working on content updates right now. I’d say realistically that I should have it all up and running by next weekend. 🙂 We start hitting the gym tomorrow again so nights are gonna be busy.

More on the room since my life revolves around it right now.

When I placed the bed where I wanted it, the light was like.. a foot above the bed so it had to be moved. I have emptied EVERYTHING out from under the old bed and now everything in the room has a place inside a storage bin, hanging storage device, etc.

It’s really coming together!! I also hung the net up tonight. Pics as soon as our camera battery arrives in the mail from Oceanside. (DOH!)

Tomorrow we have to get her some bedding because we don’t have any for a twin size bed!! And as soon as somebody BUYS HER DAMN FURNITURE the armoir. Actually I have enough from the sell of the matress and box spring to get both so… but they won’t fit till I can get ALL her furniture out of the room.

I’ve had two people say they were going to come look at it then completely flake and not call or anything. And I’m offering ALL the furniture for $200!!

I’ve been working on the site but when I said I was updating ALL of it I meant ALL of it. I thought the layout was pretty much done but the small details are taking longer than I originally thought. I’ve hardly touched the content yet. But I AM working on it. So, yeah.

I’m going to clean a bit more, finish a load of laundry and head to bed. I’ve been on somewhat of a cleaning binge as of late. I’m sure it’ll pass. heh G’night.